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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nald
The way you approach it is to ridicule me FOR actually caring about it, trying to tell me it doesn't matter. Then you feel assaulted with the thought that sexual exclusivity doesn't matter either, following the same deduction that deals with another Medieval concept. It's something you're not comfortable with and something you're afraid of, something you feel that does matter - but mainly because you feel that anything you do doesn't generally matter and yet something that you don't identify with and which happens to steer even further from the expected "ideal setting" will definitely matter.
A) I didn't criticize you for caring about it. I criticized you for your illogical statements regarding it. Not caring about it.
B) I never felt assaulted. I was annoyed by red herring statements and you're placing words/thoughts in my mouth, then countering them, when I never made them in the first place. I criticized you for your incapability of having an honest conversation.
C) I never, ever said sexual exclusivity doesn't matter. Never. There is more of your inability to have an honest dialogue.
D) I'm perfectly comfortable with, and in no way shape or form afraid of sexual exclusivity. It is actually a preference of mine, and I do identify strongly with it. But this just shows that you're not reading what I wrote and you're throwing out more logical fallacies.
This sounds like "deaf phones" game. I never said you said that "sexual exclusivity doesn't matter" - I called you out for making it into a big deal while you actively did ridicule and call me out when I make my case why it matters to me.
I'm not placing words into your mouth, you're "placing words in my posts" - I know what you wrote and I know that you insist on sexual exclusivity in long-term relationships, saying that previous sexual past doesn't matter. You're trying to spin the topic, it may be because English is not my native and the choice of words might have been ambiguous but I never intended to claim that you're "afraid of sexual exclusivity" - rather that you'd wish to have it and are refraining from long-term relationships that aren't such, because it matters to you (and because you know it matters in the long run in general). I'm writing fast in one of the languages that I'm not proficient with, one that isn't my native language.
I don't agree with the statement that sexual past doesn't matter and I may spend a few minutes to google some data on number of sex partners and marital stability on the long run (since it's hard to track non-marital relationships indeed), as well as data on age of onset of sexual activity and marital stability.
I'm positive that such information was posted before in topics which are generally identical to this one. It's also very telling how numerous universities and mass media deliberately ignore to make a comprehensive and large-sample study where these two data can be compared together - because the outcomes would not favor their opinion.
Last edited by nald; 07-07-2015 at 09:37 AM..
Reason: .
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
Reputation: 40635
Hey, if you don't want the "misunderstandings", then proof read your posts. And no, I haven't always insisted on sexual exclusivity in long term relationships. There you go again, putting words in my mouth.
Hey, if you don't want the "misunderstandings", then proof read your posts. And no, I haven't always insisted on sexual exclusivity in long term relationships. There you go again, putting words in my mouth.
I can't lead the word to include all possible scenarios. I'm tlaking (about) the route of long-term relationships.
To cut the "cat and mouse" game: I've taken it that you believe that people's sexual past doesn't influence the likelihood of future long-term relationship, i.e. it's probability of failure.
On the other hand, I've also taken it that you believe that sexual exclusivity generally does matter in the long-term relationship and you emphasize its importance or desire to have it in a long-term relationship.
Cut with the special scenarios of special scenarios, I'm not willing to go and "chase the word game" (if this phrase even has sense in English), I'm willing to post arguments showing that sexual past does matter.
Last edited by nald; 07-07-2015 at 09:42 AM..
Reason: .
I don't know if the majority of people "hook up" while single. I never did, and really i would prefer not to have a partner who did either. Like another poster said, it's about compatability, not absolutes. Sexual attitudes, religion, politics, whether you want kids or not, city/country folk, sahp vs two income families... Sone things you can compromise on but I. An ideal world your values should line up. Obviously in my case I love my husband more than his past so it wasn't an absolute deal breaker for me. But if I lived in happy land, he wouldn't have had those experiences. Oh well.
I can only speak for myself, while I was never what one (normally) would consider promiscuous, I was single for a lot of my life. If I slept with one guy a year for the 20 something years being single in my youth and then for 3 years after death of spouse that would be 23 guys. That's not the number but a good start for discussion.
Is that a lot? I've never been unfaithful in a relationship.
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Has your spouse ever told you how many people they slept with before getting married?
Do you want to know or is the number such that you don't your spouse to know.
If they confronted you about it, would you tell the truth or is a white lie acceptable if the truth won't do anyone any good?
Always felt it was not my business nor his on the numbers. Only thing is any sexually transmitted diseases or HIV should be made known. That's a bad game to get in due to people love to embellish their numbers.
There are many, many reasons why someone may have had what one deems "many" past partners or relationships. Neither a high, nor a low number automatically means anything about where there heart is at the moment towards the person they are dating, or their capability or sincerity of forming a long term, monogamous relationship. One has to evaluate far more factors than a person's "number" to be doing quality due diligence into a potential long term relationship.
Such singular items cannot be boiled down into absolutes.
I can only speak for myself, while I was never what one (normally) would consider promiscuous, I was single for a lot of my life. If I slept with one guy a year for the 20 something years being single in my youth and then for 3 years after death of spouse that would be 23 guys. That's not the number but a good start for discussion.
Is that a lot? I've never been unfaithful in a relationship.
Lawdy, I was with that many before I hit 25 when I started at 18, and that was with a 3-year monogamous relationship in the middle of it. I don't even know my number, although I suppose if I stopped to write it all out, I could probably come up with an approximation.
I've never cheated on anyone, either--unless you want to count kissing another guy when I was a teenager.
The straws people are grasping at kill me. I'd bet the rent that most of these guys--and of course it's usually guys who make a stink of this--have no clue about how many men the women they know have really been with. Smart women don't tell because who on earth wants to listen to the double-standard b.s. and judgment?
But if a man asks me, I thank him for it, because he just showed me that he's an idiot and I can get rid of him accordingly.
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