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Me and this guy are boyfriend and girlfriend, however I have been to many psychologists throughout my life, and they all said I have severe trust issues, and trauma. I do have severe trust issues, thus why I haven't slept with my boyfriend yet. He's very understanding about it, and says "to take the time I need" for us to be intimate. He "loves" me so it's "worth the wait". In the beginning, he was really lovey dovey with me. He told me how he felt, and he said he was in love with me. He said he is a very honest person too. He told me a lot, and is honest in everything he says. He conveyed so much love to me. Then he started to become just friendly, and not flirty with me, however he was introducing me to everyone as his girlfriend.
Now his ex Lizzy messaged him out of nowhere, and I saw the messages. Because he let me see them, because he had "nothing to hide", They weren't flirty on his part, but her on her part she seem to be flirty. I talked to him about it, and said I didn't like how he had a "giddy" reaction when he found out she messaged him. Before we dated, he spoke highly of this girl, and he said this guy Tony messed it up because he was on my bf's facebook and messaged her saying goofy things, so she thought it was my bf, and she blocked him.
I said I didn't feel comfortable that he would want us to hang out with his ex considering the fact he was trying to get with her, and spoke highly of her. He understood. He was honest with Lizzy and told her he was dating me. But then, a week later he said his ex Lizzy said she's moving out of state and wanted to see him one last time. He said "I told her that would be up Ashley to come see you." I said "It's not up to me. If you are so desperate and obsessed with this girl, then go visit her." He said that I am making this bigger than it is, but from my perspective. If you are in love with someone, you are not going to care to be friends, or see your ex. He hasn't seen this girl in 3 years, and obviously she wants to see him alone, so that in of itself is weird. If I had an old buddy that had a girlfriend, but I wanted to see him one last time in a platonic way, I would tell him to bring his girlfriend. I wouldn't mind it.
He knew that bothered me, and he said "I would never go back into a relationship with her. She's a cool girl, at most I would be friends with her." it wasn't making sense to me cause he said she was a "*****", and he still admits she is. and they haven't spoken in 3 years and she hits him up out of the blue. He has another ex Brittney who is putting him through legal court trouble. He said he wishes he could be friends with her and not have to do with the crap she's putting him through, which i still don't understand. Then we go to a bar, and he was like "I haven't seen Stacy S. in a long time, I'm going to go over and say Hi." I didn't mind that, but it seemed like he kept going over to her, trying to talk to her, and I was just hanging with my buddies.
He claims that girl is "skank", and a "*****", but he just wanted to say hi, and talk cause he hasn't seen her in a long time. He keeps saying I am the only one, and he loves me, but these incidents are making me not trust him. Is it insecurity? Or does he sound fishy? What do you get from all of this? Because I don't know if it's my trust issues that are kicking into high gear, or if I have a valid reason?
I'm going to give you my reactions as I read this:
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Originally Posted by PolarOpposite
Me and this guy are boyfriend and girlfriend, however I have been to many psychologists throughout my life, and they all said I have severe trust issues, and trauma. I do have severe trust issues, thus why I haven't slept with my boyfriend yet.
Oh boy...
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He's very understanding about it, and says "to take the time I need" for us to be intimate. He "loves" me so it's "worth the wait".
Sounds like crap to me, but okay.
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In the beginning, he was really lovey dovey with me. He told me how he felt, and he said he was in love with me. He said he is a very honest person too. He told me a lot, and is honest in everything he says. He conveyed so much love to me. Then he started to become just friendly, and not flirty with me, however he was introducing me to everyone as his girlfriend.
...because you're keeping him at arms length due to your "trust issues".
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Now his ex Lizzy messaged him out of nowhere,
So we're dealing with people most likely under the age of 21...
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and I saw the messages. Because he let me see them, because he had "nothing to hide", They weren't flirty on his part, but her on her part she seem to be flirty. I talked to him about it, and said I didn't like how he had a "giddy" reaction when he found out she messaged him. Before we dated, he spoke highly of this girl, and he said this guy Tony messed it up because he was on my bf's facebook and messaged her saying goofy things, so she thought it was my bf, and she blocked him.
I said I didn't feel comfortable that he would want us to hang out with his ex considering the fact he was trying to get with her, and spoke highly of her. He understood.
Sounds like the guy is getting all the drawbacks of having a girlfriend with few of the benefits.
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He was honest with Lizzy and told her he was dating me. But then, a week later he said his ex Lizzy said she's moving out of state and wanted to see him one last time. He said "I told her that would be up Ashley to come see you." I said "It's not up to me. If you are so desperate and obsessed with this girl, then go visit her."
"...and really give me something to be pissed about." Seems like the dude is being square with you. No need to be passive-aggressive, especially when you're the one with trust issues.
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He said that I am making this bigger than it is,
Because you are.
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but from my perspective.
Your "traumatic" (according to you) perspective.
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If you are in love with someone, you are not going to care to be friends, or see your ex. He hasn't seen this girl in 3 years, and obviously she wants to see him alone, so that in of itself is weird. If I had an old buddy that had a girlfriend, but I wanted to see him one last time in a platonic way, I would tell him to bring his girlfriend. I wouldn't mind it.
You're right; it is weird. But didn't you just say he offered for you guys to hang out together and you said it made you uncomfortable?
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He knew that bothered me,
Even though you told him to go meet up with her if he wanted to.
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and he said "I would never go back into a relationship with her. She's a cool girl, at most I would be friends with her." it wasn't making sense to me cause he said she was a "*****", and he still admits she is. and they haven't spoken in 3 years and she hits him up out of the blue.
Which is what guys say to make their jealous girlfriends feel better.
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He has another ex Brittney who is putting him through legal court trouble. He said he wishes he could be friends with her and not have to do with the crap she's putting him through, which i still don't understand. Then we go to a bar, and he was like "I haven't seen Stacy S. in a long time, I'm going to go over and say Hi." I didn't mind that, but it seemed like he kept going over to her, trying to talk to her, and I was just hanging with my buddies.
Maybe. Maybe he's trying to make you jealous. Maybe you're just jealous. And yeah you did mind that.
Quote:
He claims that girl is "skank", and a "*****", but he just wanted to say hi, and talk cause he hasn't seen her in a long time.
Which is what guys say to make their jealous girlfriends feel better.
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He keeps saying I am the only one, and he loves me, but these incidents are making me not trust him. Is it insecurity?
DING DING DING DING
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Or does he sound fishy? What do you get from all of this? Because I don't know if it's my trust issues that are kicking into high gear, or if I have a valid reason?
Sweetie, I've had a little bit of fun at your expense, but I'm going to be serious now and give you my real two cents:
You're wrong for being in a relationship with this guy when you have unresolved trust issues. I'm sure you don't want to be lonely, and that you both dread and yet crave closeness. I don't know what happened, but I get it.
The problem is, relationships are built on trust. If you can't let the guy walk over to say "hi" to a chick he knows at a bar without reading into it, what kind of relationship do you think you're going to have?
Not to get too philosophical, but what you fear, you create. You have issues with trust, so that makes you a bit paranoid. This guy can probably feel that. He probably does have feelings for you, and doesn't want to **** you off, so he'll keep smoothing things over with little white lies so you don't feel threatened or insecure. But it's not honesty; it's just him saying whatever is convenient in the moment. Thus, he's lying to you, and that's probably your biggest fear. Being let down by someone.
I would never tell you or any woman to sleep with a guy just so he'll like you, but I can't feel bad for you if it seems he's keeping it slightly more platonic than you'd like. You don't want him to hang out with his ex or notice other girls but you're also withholding yourself from him (and I don't just mean sexually). I'm not saying it's okay if he's doing things to make you jealous or cheat on you, but if you want a good dog to say on the porch you have feed him and scratch him behind the ears sometimes, know what I mean?
I'd say you need to get further help on your trust issues before really getting involved with someone. Relationships should be fun and loving and safe, not a miserable guessing game.
I am friends with nearly all of my exes and I would never stop a guy I was dating from being friends with one of his. If two people have enough in common to want to begin a romantic relationship, it seems silly to close the door on friendship simply because the romantic part didn't work.
OP, are you not friends with a single one of your exes? If you were to speak to one of them, would it be correct to then surmise that you were going to cheat on your bf? If you feel that you should be trusted to not fool around with your exes, then you should extend the same courtesy to your bf. If you cannot, then that is your issue and not his.
I am friends with my ex........the two I am dating are ok with it........one seems to tolerate it more likely...but ain't serious yet with either so deal with it.......or don't.
OP you are the jealous type, no offense, I got my own issues, and you should stick with therapy and focus on guys that don't stay in contact with their exes until you feel more secure with yourself.
I was talking to my second ex throughout my relationship with my third ex. We end up dumping our exes and getting back together. He brought 100 dollars to jumba juice and Starbucks. He brought me a charm bracelet.
Me and this guy are boyfriend and girlfriend, however I have been to many psychologists throughout my life, and they all said I have severe trust issues, and trauma. I do have severe trust issues, thus why I haven't slept with my boyfriend yet. He's very understanding about it, and says "to take the time I need" for us to be intimate. He "loves" me so it's "worth the wait". In the beginning, he was really lovey dovey with me. He told me how he felt, and he said he was in love with me. He said he is a very honest person too. He told me a lot, and is honest in everything he says. He conveyed so much love to me. Then he started to become just friendly, and not flirty with me, however he was introducing me to everyone as his girlfriend.
Now his ex Lizzy messaged him out of nowhere, and I saw the messages. Because he let me see them, because he had "nothing to hide", They weren't flirty on his part, but her on her part she seem to be flirty. I talked to him about it, and said I didn't like how he had a "giddy" reaction when he found out she messaged him. Before we dated, he spoke highly of this girl, and he said this guy Tony messed it up because he was on my bf's facebook and messaged her saying goofy things, so she thought it was my bf, and she blocked him.
I said I didn't feel comfortable that he would want us to hang out with his ex considering the fact he was trying to get with her, and spoke highly of her. He understood. He was honest with Lizzy and told her he was dating me. But then, a week later he said his ex Lizzy said she's moving out of state and wanted to see him one last time. He said "I told her that would be up Ashley to come see you." I said "It's not up to me. If you are so desperate and obsessed with this girl, then go visit her." He said that I am making this bigger than it is, but from my perspective. If you are in love with someone, you are not going to care to be friends, or see your ex. He hasn't seen this girl in 3 years, and obviously she wants to see him alone, so that in of itself is weird. If I had an old buddy that had a girlfriend, but I wanted to see him one last time in a platonic way, I would tell him to bring his girlfriend. I wouldn't mind it.
He knew that bothered me, and he said "I would never go back into a relationship with her. She's a cool girl, at most I would be friends with her." it wasn't making sense to me cause he said she was a "*****", and he still admits she is. and they haven't spoken in 3 years and she hits him up out of the blue. He has another ex Brittney who is putting him through legal court trouble. He said he wishes he could be friends with her and not have to do with the crap she's putting him through, which i still don't understand. Then we go to a bar, and he was like "I haven't seen Stacy S. in a long time, I'm going to go over and say Hi." I didn't mind that, but it seemed like he kept going over to her, trying to talk to her, and I was just hanging with my buddies.
He claims that girl is "skank", and a "*****", but he just wanted to say hi, and talk cause he hasn't seen her in a long time. He keeps saying I am the only one, and he loves me, but these incidents are making me not trust him. Is it insecurity? Or does he sound fishy? What do you get from all of this? Because I don't know if it's my trust issues that are kicking into high gear, or if I have a valid reason?
Sounds like you're being manipulated. Are you in a mutual relationship or have you been taken hostage?
If they had stayed friends all and you knew this as you got involved with him is one thing. If after you are involved with him he plays this game...
I have nothing to say in regards
to your situation....
Only reason I even clicked on
it is cause I misread it.
I thought it said my boyfriend talks
to his penis.
Just as alarming, I'm sure.
I have nothing to say in regards
to your situation....
Only reason I even clicked on
it is cause I misread it.
I thought it said my boyfriend talks
to his penis.
Just as alarming, I'm sure.
That's not normal? ****
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