sleeping together on 2nd date? (man, kissing, different, interested)

[SophieLL]

OP, a little more than a year ago, i started a topic here on this forum: "six dates with this guy, help me know where i stand" (you can search for it in my "threads started" i cant link it cos im on phone) in where i talked about this guy i was dating, who was a perfect gentleman, nice, kind, caring, and we were starting to have a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, without actually "verbalizing" what type of relationship we were having. You know, that kind of blurry period in the beggining of a relationship in where you are yet to oficialize it.

I casually mentioned in one of my posts in that topic that i had slept with him in the 3rd date, wich sucked because then the thread did a turn for the worst. Most people started calling me "****" and most were saying he wouldnt take me seriously
cause i had slept with him "too soon"

One year, two months later, im living with that guy and we are engaged. And most important: we are very happy and in love.

My advice: dont listen to what people say here about that particular topic, cause those who appear outraged about that in this forum seem to be more prudish than 99% of the population,and seem to be projecting their own fears/insecurity towards other people.

Ps: there is no "convenient time" to have sex with someone you are dating. Only the time YOU feel is comfortable, being it 2 dates or 145.

[rego00123]

I would say if you are having a feeling like "it is wrong" that's a good indication you are simply not ready to be doing it with this person.

If you are comfortable doing so, go for but make sure you both have an understanding of where each other's heads are at in allowing it to turn the page to physical intimacy.

Sex will change the dynamic of your relationship with someone, do not pretend its introduction is nothing. Their "is" some danger in taking things too fast too soon...but this is why you take the time to understand where each other's heads are before you go the full step.

It's a judgment call based on what you want.

[monumentus]

Originally Posted by Tkneebone

So my question here is was it wrong to sleep with him on the second date, oh he is 53 i am 45 we are 2 consenting adults. whats your opinion on this?

There is no rule on this - despite the fact I am sure many people will trot one out anyway. The right time to do something like this is when you are both ready for it and want it. Not before.

If that is the first date - the 100th date - or not until you are married - then this is for YOU to answer. Not anyone else.

[California_Aspirer]

Originally Posted by timberline742

Why would this be wrong? It's pretty much the norm in my arena. (Though I have one lady I've gone out with 3 times now, a 4th planned, and we haven't done more than kiss! (It's really odd to me and my friends can't figure it out either))

Always go for the kiss on the 1st date, lets her know you're attracted to her physically.

[rhiannon67]

Originally Posted by Tkneebone

i just started seeing this wonderful guy a week ago we chatted online for alittle while before we actually met in person.I didnt have sex with him the first night but we both wanted to we were attracted right away. He is a perfect gentlemen opens the car door for me treats me with respect he is fun to be around we laughi just really like him a lot. So my question here is was it wrong to sleep with him on the second date, oh he is 53 i am 45 we are 2 consenting adults. whats your opinion on this?

It worked for me

My husband and I have been married for 12 years now. We also met online and slept together on the second date. We had a sense about each other very early on.

[mustelid1971]

Originally Posted by elnina

The point of going on a date is to get to know the person. The best setting is over dinner where you have plenty of time to talk, plus you get breaks during courses, allowing you to smooth out the awkwardness and anxiety that almost always exists on first dates.

Sex is part of getting to know someone and determining if you're compatible.

Originally Posted by Star10101

To all of the men who expect a woman to drop their knickers for you after the first or second date - have any of you been in a long-term relationship with these women?

Also, does it ever cross your mind, that if she has dropped her knickers for you after your first date together, then she could have done this with countless first dates previously?

Yes, all my LTRs (1 yr+) started with us having sex pre first date, first date, or second date. If we dated longer to have sex it flamed out fast. Why? Because it was a sign we didn't have chemistry or weren't all that attracted to each other.

And so what if they've slept with other people? So have I. Sex doesn't devalue a person.

Originally Posted by Sage 80

Sex is special and a big deal for many people. That's why some people cherish and respect it, and don't give it out to any random person.

You know this is a false dichotomy, right? You cane have sex with "random" people (which is insulting, because connections aren't random) and still have intimate, loving, special sex with those you're in love with. One does not in any way tarnish the other.

Originally Posted by AnnaLeeza

I have no problem at all with people who want to sleep together on the first date - their lives, their business. But I am more than a bit bothered by the notion that if I want a second date, I need to sleep with you on the first.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to do!

Originally Posted by SophieLL

My advice: dont listen to what people say here about that particular topic, cause those who appear outraged about that in this forum seem to be more prudish than 99% of the population,and seem to be projecting their own fears/insecurity towards other people.
.

You're absolutely right. This is a very conservative and prudish forum.

[Katnan]

Originally Posted by mustelid1971

Yes, all my LTRs (1 yr+) started with us having sex pre first date, first date, or second date. If we dated longer to have sex it flamed out fast. Why? Because it was a sign we didn't have chemistry or weren't all that attracted to each other.

And so what if they've slept with other people? So have I. Sex doesn't devalue a person.

If you waited past two dates to discover you didn't have chemistry or weren't that attracted in the first place, then maybe that isn't someone you should have been having sex with in the first place. You don't need to have sex with every person you go on a date with.

It's not prudish to want to get to know someone better than a first or second meeting before having sex. I'd say the one with the hang-up about sex may be the one insisting it has to happen by the second date at the latest, and claiming it's a determinant of anything. Sex might not devalue a person but frequent sex with strangers may devalue the act and intimacy of sex for some people.

Have sex when you want to, but the idea of needing it on the first or second date to determine compatibility is a crock, to me. For many here, they just want sex from whoever will have it with them, and as quickly as possible. Never encountered this out in the real world. I've had one night stands, sex the first week or two of knowing a guy, have waited longer, or not at all. But I've never met a guy who tired to push me into it according to an arbitrary timeline, or treated getting to know me outside the bedroom as a tedious chore and a waste of time in order to "get" sex.

[Ascension2012]

So, to sum it up: Ladies,give it up early and often, or someone else will. =)

[mustelid1971]

Originally Posted by Liberty2011

If you waited past two dates to discover you didn't have chemistry or weren't that attracted in the first place, then maybe that isn't someone you should have been having sex with in the first place. You don't need to have sex with every person you go on a date with.

No one said I that you do. But sometimes you can like hanging out with someone and talking to them, so you keep going out with them. Nothing wrong with that. Also, more than a few times it happens that the act of sex opens up communication more and helps bring chemistry out. Sometimes it does the opposite. Best to find out sooner than later.

And I may have been attracted to them, but you know, it's a two way street. They might have determined they weren't that attracted to me after having sex. With a lot of women I know, how the dude Fs them is a significant part of their attraction. If they don't like how he is in bed, they get turned off when before they were really turned on. It happens. Frequently.

Originally Posted by Liberty2011

It's not prudish to want to get to know someone better than a first or second meeting before having sex. I'd say the one with the hang-up about sex may be the one insisting it has to happen by the second date at the latest, and claiming it's a determinant of anything. Sex might not devalue a person but frequent sex with strangers may devalue the act and intimacy of sex for some people.

I never said anything about it being "at the latest" and having more sex doesn't devalue the act of sex. A person can go out and have sex with 5 people during a vacation, and if they then meet someone and fall in love, that sex will be special because they're in love with the other person. Doesn't mean the 5 previous times were bad, or not fun. They probably were.

Originally Posted by Liberty2011

Have sex when you want to, but the idea of needing it on the first or second date to determine compatibility is a crock, to me. For many here, they just want sex from whoever will have it with them, and as quickly as possible. Never encountered this out in the real world. I've had one night stands, sex the first week or two of knowing a guy, have waited longer, or not at all. But I've never met a guy who tired to push me into it according to an arbitrary timeline, or treated getting to know me outside the bedroom as a tedious chore and a waste of time in order to "get" sex.

I never said anything about pushing anyone into a timeline or that getting to know someone is a chore, and no, there is no way to determine if two people are sexually compatible without having sex. Its very common to have chemistry and really be into someone, then have sex, and ever try and try again, only to find out that there is not sexual compatibility and that is what kills the potential for a relationship. This, unfortunately, happened to me recently. She's cool as heck. I totally like hanging with her. She's cute and fun. But sadly, we had sex and it just didn't click. I'd like to give it more chances and keep going out to see if we can make it click and hope it was just nerves, but I doubt she will. Why would she?

Most people want relationships. Good ones. I would like a monogamous one, and once you know you like talking with someone, and you're into each other, and you just like spending time with them and thinking about them, then sex is the next thing to figure out. It's only natural.

Sex doesn't happen on the first or second date because of a timeline. It happens because two people are attracted to each other and they want to ___ each other. It's that simple.

[metalmancpa]

If you were 16 I'd answer in one way.

But come on, you're 45. Do what feels right for you. You've lived plenty of life already. Enjoy what's in front of you.