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Yeah - I mean, there are guys that don't mind - and there are probably single fathers that think it's a plus - but overall, I don't think it's something that most people think of as a major positive in the dating world.
If I found myself single right now with 2 small little boys, I wouldn't think of that as being a "selling point." Although, to be honest, I don't think I'd have a hard time dating if I wanted to. But I don't know that I'd want to for awhile.
From my understanding, you're hot. So, I have no doubt you wouldn't have a dating problem
From hearing the Mr. and his buddies talk, the general consensus is that, while younger women are a visual delight, they are more inclined to go for women who are mid-30s and older. I don't really care, as long as my replacement isn't cuter than me.
From my understanding, you're hot. So, I have no doubt you wouldn't have a dating problem
Haha!!! Having 2 children has definitely taken a toll - but I'm doing my best to get back into shape! I'll probably never look how I want to look - but I never did look how I wanted to look - so I might as well start appreciating what I have while I have it! I look back on how I looked in my 20's and think - why did I think I was fat! Why didn't I appreciate how I looked! And I'm sure 10 years in the future, I'll look back on how I look now and think the same thing!
I have a question for the older ladies. Do you find that men your age appreciate what you have to offer or are they mostly going for younger women?
I've noticed that I don't get as much attention as I used to. I'm 45. Whenever I see men who are around my age hanging around with girls in their 20s it makes me wonder what they have that I don't.
I believe I have a lot to offer, such as :
Experience
My own house and car
A career
2 kids
Confidence
I'm more well rounded, experienced and confident than these young girls, so why is it that I'm mostly ignored these days? I honestly don't feel that I'm lacking in anything.
When women are 18-30 they don't have a problem with men's preference to date younger. Freshman girls dated seniors. College bound girls liked to date guys that finished college and have money coming in instead of broke college students. Young women that finished college prefer to date men that have moved up the ladder or hold prestigious professional positions. Women are hypergamous and prefer to date men that are >= to them in status and success; men know this since about high school.
It isn't until women get 35+ that they start having an issue with men wanting to date younger because they are no longer the beneficiaries of male dating behavior. Women look for status and success, men look for youth and beauty. This is male behavior and it will never change.
In regards to what you have to offer it just shows to me that you don't understand male thinking. What attracts a man to a woman isn't the same as what attracts a woman to a man. You are looking at this from a woman's POV and don't know how men think.
Experience? I guess you are talking about life experience here? A lot of sexual experience is a turn off. Life experience is meh, not really an asset. Women like a worldly experienced man, men don't value it nearly as much in a woman.
House and Car. Again meh. I understand that a woman would see that as a bonus for a man to have his own house and a nice car, but the same is not true for men. Having a car these days is pretty standard, its a negative if you don't have a car but standard if you do. If you have a really nice car that's nice too but its not the same for men. You always hear that a nice truck or a super nice car is a vagina magnet but you don't hear them being penis magnets.
Career. Men don't really care what you do for a living or how much you make. We know that women do though.
2 kids. This is NOT something you have to offer. If anything it is a man deterrent and a big one at that.
Confidence. Women are attracted to confidence, for men its not nearly as important. A serious lack of confidence is a turn off for men but a confident woman isn't necessarily a turn on.
I'll speak in general on male wants and desires so this is a generalization and there are always exceptions. This is what men in general are attracted to and want:
What she looks like. Everyone knows physical attraction is important to men
Affection, loving, warmth. It is how she makes us feel when we are around her. If she makes us feel like a $M and like a man she is a keeper.
Fertility for any men that want to have kids. Their own kids, not someone elses kids.
Long hair
Height weight proportionate.
Not crazy
Not stupid
Quote:
Originally Posted by nurider2002
I have a friend in her mid 40s who is VERY attractive and looks like she could easily be 10 years younger. Has a great personality, is classy, dresses well, just a very nice and successful woman, zero body fat, you get the picture. She never meets men her age who are interested in her. And she has a great personality, no kids, no baggage. But men in their mid 40s are not looking for an attractive and well accomplished woman their age. It kind of blows my mind. She works in a business that puts her in contact with successful men every day but she says they are either married or divorced and dating much younger women. I have tried to figure out what there might be about her that turns other guys off and cannot come up with anything. She's not needy, possesive, self centered or boring. She's a delight to be with. But her age is against her. Ageism is alive and well = so sad.
Part of your friends problem is she meets successful men on a regular basis. Successful men can probably do better and younger then her. A woman's best years to find a good man is 25-30, she is well past that. She is competing with women that are 10-20 years younger then her and it doesn't sound like she is doing well in that competition.
I really don't understand why women in their mid 40's and older continue to try to snag a man, it's not likely to happen. Why not just enjoy your life without worrying about relationships?
If this is so, and widely practiced, then it grieves me enormously. Every such woman who absents herself from "the market" distorts what remains of the market. This is a kind of Lysistrata 20 years delayed, and unlike the original, it is for no laudable cause.
I can think of a few things. Also why would you think most men would think that your kids are a plus or make you a great catch? Could be one of the reason some men date younger, they don't want to deal with a women who already has kids.
Yes I am sort of shocked that the OP does not see why men would prefer someone 20+ years younger. It has me wondering if this is a real thread or someone is fooling with us.
Yes I am sort of shocked that the OP does not see why men would prefer someone 20+ years younger. It has me wondering if this is a real thread or someone is fooling with us.
Bottom line, young women are prettier.
Bottom line.... all things have a trade off and youth and physical attractiveness is just one facet of things, we all age and we change....
Bottom line.... all things have a trade off and youth and physical attractiveness is just one facet of things, we all age and we change....
I wouldn't trade my youth for the wisdom I have gained. I know my husband sure wouldn't have wanted wild thing I used to be.
We all age.
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This is a truly great post and one that is 100% accurate.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Montanaguy04
It isn't until women get 35+ that they start having an issue with men wanting to date younger because they are no longer the beneficiaries of male dating behavior. Women look for status and success, men look for youth and beauty. This is male behavior and it will never change.
This way of thinking is human nature, though most people lack insight into themselves and can't acknowledge it.
Older women constantly discount the fact that most men prefer younger women. They either deny it or they call these men "manchild" or some such derogatory word. Basically, they are just butthurt that they are no longer beneficiaries of this attraction (whether consciously or subconsciously).
But there's really nothing wrong with this. As I said, it's normal human behavior. I've felt this due to my various physical shortcomings as well. However, insight drove me away from it. Just have to accept things for what they are and do the best with what you have.
Quote:
Experience? I guess you are talking about life experience here? A lot of sexual experience is a turn off. Life experience is meh, not really an asset. Women like a worldly experienced man, men don't value it nearly as much in a woman.
True. The vast majority of men that I know (including myself) stay away from highly sexually experienced women for a long-term relationship. Especially in the US (and non-feminist countries), a pretty girl with a good personality and low number of sexual partners is very highly valued.
And, yeah, men don't care about a woman's worldly experience. It's neutral, for the most part.
Quote:
House and Car. Again meh. I understand that a woman would see that as a bonus for a man to have his own house and a nice car, but the same is not true for men. Having a car these days is pretty standard, its a negative if you don't have a car but standard if you do. If you have a really nice car that's nice too but its not the same for men. You always hear that a nice truck or a super nice car is a vagina magnet but you don't hear them being penis magnets.
I actually look at this as a negative. If a girl has a luxury car (moreso with a Mercedes or BMW than an Acura), it's a yellow flag to me (proceed with caution). It suggests that she is materialistic and that she is very concerned with what others think.
If she is single and has a house, this suggests potential fiscal irresponsibility (though not always...depends on the situation).
Quote:
Career. Men don't really care what you do for a living or how much you make. We know that women do though.
This is something that I actually do care about. The fact is that if she has a career that she loves, where she makes good money and has put in a significant amount of time, there is a far lower chance of her tearing me to shreds in divorce. It's more likely that, if a divorce were to happen, we would simply split everything and there would be no alimony owed.
This is definitely something that I think about when dating. I would say that it's #3 on the list after looks and age (although I was very interested in a woman a few years older than me....but she was exceptionally kind and caring).
Quote:
2 kids. This is NOT something you have to offer. If anything it is a man deterrent and a big one at that.
Yeah, that's a dealbreaker for me.
Quote:
Confidence. Women are attracted to confidence, for men its not nearly as important. A serious lack of confidence is a turn off for men but a confident woman isn't necessarily a turn on.
Yeah, not a turn-on. An overconfident woman is actually extremely annoying.
Quote:
Part of your friends problem is she meets successful men on a regular basis. Successful men can probably do better and younger then her. A woman's best years to find a good man is 25-30, she is well past that. She is competing with women that are 10-20 years younger then her and it doesn't sound like she is doing well in that competition.
Absolutely true. I wouldn't go below 25 if I were looking to marry (unless the girl was exceptionally mature). I also wouldn't go above 30 due to potential fertility issues (again, unless the girl is exceptional in some other way and truly catches my attention...then, I'd take the risk at infertility).
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