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Is it something you really want to say over the phone? I understand how you're feeling but I also think this could come across as you pushing your needs onto her again instead of respecting the boundary she's put in place.
You could say in the text that you're looking forward to seeing her Thursday and there are some things you'd like to share about your introspections this week. But unless she asks you for them now, I'd hold off.
I kind of just feel like that if I tell her about all the self-reflection I've had on Thursday, it might take time for her to digest. Whereas if I told her it now on the phone, she'd have time to think about it by Thursday.
One additional thing I did text, because doing it was immature of me, was apologize about giving her keys back. She responded by saying it's ok, she understood. And that not to make light of the situation, but it worked out because her roommate is storing some things in her storage unit.
I kind of just feel like that if I tell her about all the self-reflection I've had on Thursday, it might take time for her to digest. Whereas if I told her it now on the phone, she'd have time to think about it by Thursday.
Dude, you really need to chill. Stop trying to control the situation to suit YOUR needs. If you really love someone, you have to be willing to let them go..
I hate keeping this all bottled up and I know that I can tough it out until Thursday, but do you think asking if she could listen to what I have to say on the phone, like today, is a bad move? No expectations from her, but just so I can get this off my chest and she can sort of let it soak in until we meet on Thursday?
You need to understand that this is NOT just about you and your feelings.
You have a history of pressuring her. Even saying that you are "ahead of her" in terms of relationships is subtle pressure. Here (in bold) is evidence of you not only pressuring her but negating her feelings altogether:
Quote:
Originally Posted by jjtr
Eventually it took a turn to a place I was completely blindsided by. And I am still baffled by how it got there. She said she thought that the affection thing was a compatibility flaw and that she didn't know if it was something we can work on. I flat out told her that it's not, but she circled back to it. I asked her what she wanted out of the relationship and she said that she didn't know and that a year in she felt like she should. I told her that it was fine that she didn't, it was fine if she was behind me and it was fine if she took her time (keep in mind she has told me previously she hoped the future was with me).
I think you've gotten a little, tiny "perk" out of texting her, and now you are in danger of screwing the whole thing up again.
Pump your brakes and realize that you have a history of minimizing and sometimes negating her feelings (as evidenced above).
Tabling a topic is not the same as settling it.
Her saying, "This is a problem..." is not resolved by your saying, "No, it's not." It then becomes a bigger problem.
Her saying, "I don't know ..." is a way of stalling as she tries to figure out what the heck to do to get you to understand her feelings.
Slow your roll, seriously. DO NOT call her. No more texts. Get off the internet, go out and do something to get your mind off this, and leave it ALL up to her.
You need to understand that this is NOT just about you and your feelings.
You have a history of pressuring her. Even saying that you are "ahead of her" in terms of relationships is subtle pressure. Here (in bold) is evidence of you not only pressuring her but negating her feelings altogether:
I think you've gotten a little, tiny "perk" out of texting her, and now you are in danger of screwing the whole thing up again.
Pump your brakes and realize that you have a history of minimizing and sometimes negating her feelings (as evidenced above).
Tabling a topic is not the same as settling it.
Her saying, "This is a problem..." is not resolved by your saying, "No, it's not." It then becomes a bigger problem.
Her saying, "I don't know ..." is a way of stalling as she tries to figure out what the heck to do to get you to understand her feelings.
Slow your roll, seriously. DO NOT call her. No more texts. Get off the internet, go out and do something to get your mind off this, and leave it ALL up to her.
You cannot force this.
I hear and agree with a lot of what you are saying. After self-reflection, I realize that I have subconsciously put pressure on her by saying some things I have said. And I have been keeping myself occupied, in fact, I think that might even be what prompted her to reply last night. I had just posted pictures and videos from a concert I had attended on Facebook when she responded. And I have some things scheduled for after work this week, which always makes things easier because usually my weeknights are slow.
Yes, I'd like to get this off my chest, but I also felt like laying out what I had thought about would give her the week to digest it so she could evaluate what it means for her. I guess my mindset is that if I were to tell it to her now, we could have some sort of finality on Thursday whichever outcome that may be. As opposed to telling her Thursday and then her saying she needs more time to let it soak in.
I guess my mindset is that if I were to tell it to her now, we could have some sort of finality on Thursday whichever outcome that may be. As opposed to telling her Thursday and then her saying she needs more time to let it soak in.
Because why? Because you cannot possibly wait any longer to know if she wants you??
You are rationalizing now. Because you want what YOU want.
And weren't you saying earlier in the thread that you thought she probably already knows what she wants/isn't that into it?
Drag things out??? It's been 5 days.
I do think she knows that she is unhappy with the way things are, but you say you love her, so you have to respect the way she wants to handle it.
You haven't done anything to follow her wishes. She wanted to talk in a week; you contacted her after 4 days. She wants to talk on Thursday; you want to call her NOW "just so she can have time to process it by Thursday."
You also keep repeating how much self-reflection you've done and the realizations you've had, but you have not actually practiced what you are preaching. Work on self-control. Back off.
I've gained a bit of ground by at least reopening the lines of communication, so I think I'll just leave it at that for now. If she texts me casual conversation, I'll respond, but I'll let the rest of this stay on the back burner until Thursday.
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