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Long story short, I'm friends with this guy who I was 100% sure was into me, said everything was a joke, continuously lied to me, and continues to flirt.
So update, our relationship has been pretty damn rocky ever since I "came out" to him. We were good for a couple of weeks, until he invited me over to help him for a research paper. He didn't tell me that it was a research paper (that he chose) on gay marriage until I came to his house. Considering our relationship I got really offended, and I texted him about it a few days later and he said "because you're a good writer and that's it." Did he forget that I'm not straight, somehow, or that I'm into him?
Anyways, we were better for a few weeks, and then all of a sudden, it hit me that it's too much, that it's the same cycle over and over again. I told him flat-out that I consider the staring and teasing as flirting, and we do it all the time, and our relationship is still so weird.
So for a week or two I just flat-out ignored him. He would go along with it for a few days, then randomly try really hard to gain my attention, then go along with ignoring for a few days, then try again. It was strange.
Then, one night, I decided to send him another long text.
I apologized for ignoring him the past couple of weeks, and I basically told him that:
-Him asking me to help him on the research paper and not even apologizing or admitting anything upset me and made me feel disrespected
-I screwed up being mean to him sometimes even if I thought he was consistently lying to me
-I told him a few months ago flat-out that the staring and teasing is flirting, and that it still bothers me because we still initiate it (mostly him)
-To this day, I don't believe that everything was just a "joke"
-I will always view the friendship as something that isn't regular, just like he admitted himself to some extent
-If everything really was just a joke, then breaking boundaries like that with someone you're not attracted to is disrespectful
-I want us to eventually have a real bond again, be much closer, etc. and I hate how we've gone through this situation for so long
-I feel like his thoughts about me are all over the place which is why the friendship is all over the place
-I feel like distancing is best for now because I can't deal with the strange nature of this friendship much longer
And at the end of the text, I said "And again, don't feel like I'm pressuring you to reply quickly o at all, I'm not asking you for anything. In fact, if it's going to be cold I'd rather not get a response. Just know that, as things are right now, distance is good"
He never responded.
Now, I would think "Oh well, he doesn't give two ****s about me."
The first time I saw him after the text was at my house, at a hangout. He was ridiculously quiet, and multiple people asked him "are you okay?" "girl troubles?" etc. etc. And I noticed numerous times that he'd look at me from the corner of my eye.
Afterwards, literally every single time we've been together in person, it's been SUPER INSANE AWKWARD QUIETNESS. The first few times were especially bad. If we were in a study room at school with a few close friends, he'd simply walk in, not say anything, and just sit there (he's usually very very social with our group of friends). If someone asks him "are you okay?" he'll just mumble a response and put headphones and shades on.
Another hangout happened, and he was really awkward and quiet, and he was sitting across from me and wasn't saying anything and someone asked him "why do you look so mad?"
And last night, we were all at a party, and every single time I talked or was nearby, he would get really quiet. Any time I looked in his direction he would turn his head away from me. I noticed that he'd stare or pay attention to me, because if, for example, I was holding a drink and I took a sip, he would immediately do the same thing as well. A couple of times we were both sitting across from each other and facing each other but not saying a word, and after a few minutes we both awkwardly turned our bodies around and away from facing each other.
So... if he has nothing to hide, why would he not respond then act so super awkward in person? Maybe he just hates me so much that he acts this way? What could it be?
Reading a tad bit of my OP in the thread I linked would help give a bit of perspective, btw.
Long story short, I'm friends with this guy who I was 100% sure was into me, said everything was a joke, continuously lied to me, and continues to flirt.
So update, our relationship has been pretty damn rocky ever since I "came out" to him. We were good for a couple of weeks, until he invited me over to help him for a research paper. He didn't tell me that it was a research paper (that he chose) on gay marriage until I came to his house. Considering our relationship I got really offended, and I texted him about it a few days later and he said "because you're a good writer and that's it." Did he forget that I'm not straight, somehow, or that I'm into him?
Anyways, we were better for a few weeks, and then all of a sudden, it hit me that it's too much, that it's the same cycle over and over again. I told him flat-out that I consider the staring and teasing as flirting, and we do it all the time, and our relationship is still so weird.
So for a week or two I just flat-out ignored him. He would go along with it for a few days, then randomly try really hard to gain my attention, then go along with ignoring for a few days, then try again. It was strange.
Then, one night, I decided to send him another long text.
I apologized for ignoring him the past couple of weeks, and I basically told him that:
-Him asking me to help him on the research paper and not even apologizing or admitting anything upset me and made me feel disrespected
-I screwed up being mean to him sometimes even if I thought he was consistently lying to me
-I told him a few months ago flat-out that the staring and teasing is flirting, and that it still bothers me because we still initiate it (mostly him)
-To this day, I don't believe that everything was just a "joke"
-I will always view the friendship as something that isn't regular, just like he admitted himself to some extent
-If everything really was just a joke, then breaking boundaries like that with someone you're not attracted to is disrespectful
-I want us to eventually have a real bond again, be much closer, etc. and I hate how we've gone through this situation for so long
-I feel like his thoughts about me are all over the place which is why the friendship is all over the place
-I feel like distancing is best for now because I can't deal with the strange nature of this friendship much longer
And at the end of the text, I said "And again, don't feel like I'm pressuring you to reply quickly o at all, I'm not asking you for anything. In fact, if it's going to be cold I'd rather not get a response. Just know that, as things are right now, distance is good"
He never responded.
Now, I would think "Oh well, he doesn't give two ****s about me."
The first time I saw him after the text was at my house, at a hangout. He was ridiculously quiet, and multiple people asked him "are you okay?" "girl troubles?" etc. etc. And I noticed numerous times that he'd look at me from the corner of my eye.
Afterwards, literally every single time we've been together in person, it's been SUPER INSANE AWKWARD QUIETNESS. The first few times were especially bad. If we were in a study room at school with a few close friends, he'd simply walk in, not say anything, and just sit there (he's usually very very social with our group of friends). If someone asks him "are you okay?" he'll just mumble a response and put headphones and shades on.
Another hangout happened, and he was really awkward and quiet, and he was sitting across from me and wasn't saying anything and someone asked him "why do you look so mad?"
And last night, we were all at a party, and every single time I talked or was nearby, he would get really quiet. Any time I looked in his direction he would turn his head away from me. I noticed that he'd stare or pay attention to me, because if, for example, I was holding a drink and I took a sip, he would immediately do the same thing as well. A couple of times we were both sitting across from each other and facing each other but not saying a word, and after a few minutes we both awkwardly turned our bodies around and away from facing each other.
So... if he has nothing to hide, why would he not respond then act so super awkward in person? Maybe he just hates me so much that he acts this way? What could it be?
Reading a tad bit of my OP in the thread I linked would help give a bit of perspective, btw.
Thanks guys!
Are you a girl or a guy..?
Anyways, if you two aren't making out against a wall at one point then one of you isn't interested. Simple as that, move on.
I don't understand why you're confused. You told him not to respond "if," so he didn't.
Now that you've laid it all out there, and he doesn't actually feel the same but you're all still friends, how else could he act?
Okay first off, I wanted to say I love and appreciate everyone's insight, even if it's not agreeing with my viewpoint, so this obviously includes yours. Thank you for taking time out of your day to read my posts and reply.
However, let me explain myself here:
First off, I can send you the full text to you via PM and maybe you can have a better understanding of what I wrote, if you care enough.
Secondly, I've "known" of him "not being attracted" for about 10 months now. The issue that, after telling him a few months ago that I still consider the way we interact as flirty, he still continues it and initiates it 99% of the time.
Third, I think I've mentioned this before, but my friend in the same group has told me she's noticed that we're very flirty with each other and sometimes it's very "noticeable" and that she "doesn't know what's on his mind" but that he can't say "nothing's happening" or that "nothing is going on," which gives me some credibility, no?
Also, I sent that last bit in the text in case he felt uncomfortable. Because I don't want him to feel pressured or anything. But again im thinking, if he had nothing to hide, he'd respond? And why is he acting so ridiculously awkward in person? I'm technically the one who got rejected and im super happy in person.
Okay first off, I wanted to say I love and appreciate everyone's insight, even if it's not agreeing with my viewpoint, so this obviously includes yours. Thank you for taking time out of your day to read my posts and reply.
However, let me explain myself here:
First off, I can send you the full text to you via PM and maybe you can have a better understanding of what I wrote, if you care enough.
Secondly, I've "known" of him "not being attracted" for about 10 months now. The issue that, after telling him a few months ago that I still consider the way we interact as flirty, he still continues it and initiates it 99% of the time.
Third, I think I've mentioned this before, but my friend in the same group has told me she's noticed that we're very flirty with each other and sometimes it's very "noticeable" and that she "doesn't know what's on his mind" but that he can't say "nothing's happening" or that "nothing is going on," which gives me some credibility, no?
Also, I sent that last bit in the text in case he felt uncomfortable. Because I don't want him to feel pressured or anything. But again im thinking, if he had nothing to hide, he'd respond? And why is he acting so ridiculously awkward in person? I'm technically the one who got rejected and im super happy in person.
No need to send a PM. How many times can we have this exact same conversation??
Go back to your original thread and read it all the way through without stopping. Be sure to notice the dates of your posts.
Then get off the internet, go outside and do something else. Away from Dude. Make a concerted effort to stay away from him as much as possible because you ARE pressuring him. You keep coming here to talk about him because it revives that "thrill" feeling that you want so badly to get from him, but cannot. Many of us have told you many times that you are reading WAY too much into this.
And why is he acting so ridiculously awkward in person? I'm technically the one who got rejected and im super happy in person.
Hello heythere999,
I've read your threads and I have to admit I'm really moved by your story.
But you haven't posted for some month now, so I just wanted to ask if you are alright.
How did everything turn out with your friend? I hope you are okay! Maybe you can give a little update?
My best wishes to you!!
Deirdre
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