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I guess I'm immature, as I can understand how the wife would feel - before I calmed down.
I also want to know the OP's reaction when the wife confronted him. Did you explain why you no longer spend that kind of money? Or did you blow her off and say "It's my money and I can spend it how I see fit"?
And some people DO place emphasis on money. It's not necessarily a bad thing, they just need to find others who feel the same way.
I think she's referring to your "It's my money, I can do what I want with it" statement here on the thread itself, and is curious if you've ever directly stated or telegraphed this sentiment to your wife.
I think she's referring to your "It's my money, I can do what I want with it" statement here on the thread itself, and is curious if you've ever directly stated or telegraphed this sentiment to your wife.
I feel that no one is entitled to my money, yes. And no, I did not get snippy or short with my wife about it.
Would you say that your wife is or isn't aware that, despite the fact that you did feel (at the time of spending, anyway) that a majority of your money was well-spent on a girlfriend), you definitely don't feel that the same applies to your wife?
Despite what others have said, it's odd to me that you've been together for 4 years and she never knew you spent 2 weeks in Vegas in the past (and possibly didn't know about the Euro trips?). My husband and I knew all about where we'd been with past significant others within the first few months of dating. It just comes up in conversation. Of course, we usually had negative things to say about the trips with the exes, so it was never like "I had this amazing vacation before you came along".
Something doesn't add up here. It just seems like you two haven't known each other that long / that well, yet you've been together for 4 years.
Well, if this is real, and you want to salvage this marriage, it may be time for some marriage counseling. It sounds like there's a big communication / expectations gap here. You may need an outsider to help her hear you out on why you can no longer spend like you once did. This may even just be a symptom of some bigger issue she's having with this marriage. She's definitely not handling it maturely, but I'm not ready to condemn her as a terrible marriage choice, for it. You two definitely have some serious things to work out, though.
Your wife is acting like she just found out you had an affair.
It's so weird that, when you brought up the trip, she asked you out of the blue about "Sarah," then went on this obsessive rampage to find her on FB etc and now is not even talking to you.
She obviously has been incredibly jealous of Sarah for a long time and feels like she is competing with her.
First, you need to get your wife to talk to you so you can sort this out. That will take some guts. I, personally, would recommend that you get her attention, and she needs to know that you care about her.
Something along the lines of, "I chose you. I married you, and I want to be married to you. But I can't do that if you won't even talk to me."
I won't lie. It's gonna be difficult.
And frankly, any insults from people here about the wife being "shallow" for feeling lesser than because he has spent "less than" are irrelevant considering that you admit that you spent ALL that $$ on Sarah in order to get her love and attention.
I feel that no one is entitled to my money, yes. And no, I did not get snippy or short with my wife about it.
So is your wife a part of the financial management of the household? Do you each keep your money separate? Are you're goals the same?
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My husband once spent a lot of money (by our standards) on a weekend away with a girl he was seeing way before we knew each other. They stayed at a 5 star hotel and lived it up. He told me about it. It kind of rubbed me the wrong way for a little while - not enough to give him the silent treatment but it did eat at me for a little while. This was back when we were dating. But he explained to me that it wasn't really about her - he just wanted to do something extravagant for once. And with me - he saw a future with me. What we had was real - it wasn't about expensive getaways or anything like that. He wanted to spend his life with me and start a family. So, eventually, I stopped caring about what he did with the other girl. Maybe your wife isn't there yet. I can imagine being upset if I found out that my husband was spending 10's of thousands of dollars on an ex. It has nothing to do with being a gold digger or petty or whatever - it's just that it would be a little hard hearing about how he felt the need to make these grand gestures to someone but didn't feel the need to make them to me.
Another question - your ex had pictures of herself in all the jewelry that you bought her? I'm trying to picture this. How would your wife even know? Were they pictures of you giving her the jewelry? I mean - how would she know that the jewelry that she was wearing was from you?
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