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It's been awhile since I posted this. My boyfriend decided that he would try and stay with me and we've been doing good since then. However, a couple of days ago he said that he was worried because of the large amount of rapes that occur in the military. I told him it doesn't change my mind about joining and he got mad. He told me , "If you get raped it will be your fault". I am so mad and disappointed that he said that and I broke up with him lol. It sucks that it took him saying that to make me realize he's trying to control me. I feel really dumb for staying with him this long.
Wow, what a horrible thing for him to say.
Congrats on figuring it out. You have a whole life ahead of you. Keep listening to your gut. Best wishes to you!!!
It's been awhile since I posted this. My boyfriend decided that he would try and stay with me and we've been doing good since then. However, a couple of days ago he said that he was worried because of the large amount of rapes that occur in the military. I told him it doesn't change my mind about joining and he got mad. He told me , "If you get raped it will be your fault". I am so mad and disappointed that he said that and I broke up with him lol. It sucks that it took him saying that to make me realize he's trying to control me. I feel really dumb for staying with him this long.
Im so sorry you had to go through this. Well, now that the road is clear, move on and work for the boot camp
All the best .
I will be joining the military soon. My now ex-boyfriend told me he was worried about the amount of rapes that happen in the military and I told him that I would still be joining. He became very mad at me and told me if I am raped it will be my fault for putting myself into the position. I am very angry and disappointed that he told me that and I broke up with him.
Now I feel like if I ever get raped I will start thinking that he was right. If I am raped in the military, should I have just stayed out like he wanted? How do I get past what he said to me? I need help. I don't actually think that I will be raped, obviously it's a possibility. I can't help but think that if it does happen that I'll feel like it's my fault for what he said. Any suggestions on how to not think this?
Many, many men have had to face the same "ultimatum" from their woman when they wish to join the military or move to the next stage in their life.
Before you join the military take some time to learn about the rape culture that exists there and how more likely than not if anything happens to you it will be covered up and you'll never get justice.
I posted the above without reading #101. Rape in the military is a serious subject, and rape is never the victims fault. Not every woman who joins will be raped, but if it does happen the military is reluctant to deal with it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blondie1153
Background: I just graduated high school. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 months. He is a high school senior.
Recently I have talked to a recruiter about many letters the Navy sent me to do a program that I qualified for. I was very excited with what they told me and have really been thinking about joining. When I called my boyfriend to tell him the news, he was not excited at all and told me very quickly that he had to get off of the phone. Later in the day we were talking and he said that he could not be with me if I joined the military. He gave me an ultimatum, him or the military. Being in the military is a goal that I've wanted to accomplish since I was young. He is saying that he never signed up for this and that I shouldn't want to leave him. I never envisioned my life working a minimum wage job until I finished a college degree. That just isn't what I want for myself. I would be okay with trying to make it work and he just doesn't even want to try to make it work at all. He told me if I leave he will assume I am cheating on him while I was away and his heart couldn't handle it. Should I give up my goal to serve my country or stay with him?
Why would you ever think that being violently attacked is your fault?
You are letting your ex-boyfriend, who, by all accounts on your other thread, is a highly manipulative person, get in your head. If you are being courted by a high profile military program like the Navy's nuclear program, it's because you are an intelligent person, and too smart to let the words of a manipulative child get under your skin. He's mad because you are leaving. He's saying things to hurt you. See it for what it is.
If you do go Navy, you will have access to their Sexual Assault Response and Prevention program and trainings, which is a resource in all branches. I will tell you from firsthand knowledge that sexual assault prevention and response is a major focus at the Navy's boot camp.
So your boyfriend blames victims of rape, not rapists, for rape? He sounds like a real prize.
I think one of the best things you can do, is join the military... The other? Never talk to that ex- again...
He's doing what he can do - or what he THINKS he can do - to keep you from bettering yourself...
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How to get past something
