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I remember when I broke up with my HS girlfriend who went to the Airforce after high school. She was heartbroken and shattered that I didn't want to stick around for her but when it comes to my happiness I'm #1. I wasn't going to be happy with her being gone for so long. I was entering college and really wanted to be single too
You have to put your happiness ahead of anyone else OP.
Half of my jrotc classmates joined the military. Some of them married pretty quickly after joining.
Background: I just graduated high school. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 months. He is a high school senior.
Recently I have talked to a recruiter about many letters the Navy sent me to do a program that I qualified for. I was very excited with what they told me and have really been thinking about joining. When I called my boyfriend to tell him the news, he was not excited at all and told me very quickly that he had to get off of the phone. Later in the day we were talking and he said that he could not be with me if I joined the military. He gave me an ultimatum, him or the military. Being in the military is a goal that I've wanted to accomplish since I was young. He is saying that he never signed up for this and that I shouldn't want to leave him. I never envisioned my life working a minimum wage job until I finished a college degree. That just isn't what I want for myself. I would be okay with trying to make it work and he just doesn't even want to try to make it work at all. He told me if I leave he will assume I am cheating on him while I was away and his heart couldn't handle it. Should I give up my goal to serve my country or stay with him?
He's just a boyfriend many to come in you're life time...get into the Navy and be happy
Can anyone give me a suggestion on how to break it off? He had really bad depression before we dated and I made him happy again. Now he is becoming depressed because of this. I'm honestly afraid of him doing something to himself if I break it off. I know that's dumb. I just need some help.
Let him know he means a lot to you, however this is your life goal. Be honest. You aren't doing anything wrong, it's actually very respectful to let him go.
Half of my jrotc classmates joined the military. Some of them married pretty quickly after joining.
Funny thing is that my exgf was stationed less than 50 miles from where we lived. I remember her calling me and my new gf answered the phone . Oh well.
Funny thing is that my exgf was stationed less than 50 miles from where we lived. I remember her calling me and my new gf answered the phone . Oh well.
Well you dodge a big bomb.
A couple of them are already parents in their 20's.
Background: I just graduated high school. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 months. He is a high school senior.
Recently I have talked to a recruiter about many letters the Navy sent me to do a program that I qualified for. I was very excited with what they told me and have really been thinking about joining. When I called my boyfriend to tell him the news, he was not excited at all and told me very quickly that he had to get off of the phone. Later in the day we were talking and he said that he could not be with me if I joined the military. He gave me an ultimatum, him or the military. Being in the military is a goal that I've wanted to accomplish since I was young. He is saying that he never signed up for this and that I shouldn't want to leave him. I never envisioned my life working a minimum wage job until I finished a college degree. That just isn't what I want for myself. I would be okay with trying to make it work and he just doesn't even want to try to make it work at all. He told me if I leave he will assume I am cheating on him while I was away and his heart couldn't handle it. Should I give up my goal to serve my country or stay with him?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
Whether it's military, college, traveling abroad for the year in Europe, or a job offer my answer would be the same. If he is willing to make you give one of those up as I criteria for being with him..... dump him.
It was his choice. YOU shouldn't mess up life opportunities because of someone trying to hold you back.
i am with mikala on this, if he is dropping an ultimatum on you, then he deserves to be shown the door. the navy is a honorable way to serve your country, my aunt, both my grandfathers, two of my uncles, and one cousin by marriage all served in the navy. i also have two uncles that served in the air force as well.
if you want to join the navy, do it, imo you wont regret it in the least.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blondie1153
Can anyone give me a suggestion on how to break it off? He had really bad depression before we dated and I made him happy again. Now he is becoming depressed because of this. I'm honestly afraid of him doing something to himself if I break it off. I know that's dumb. I just need some help.
tell him that you have decided to join the military, and that you want his blessing, but in the end let him be the one to break off the relationship. that way it is his choice not yours.
When I was 20 I let a girl talk me out of trying for the army's flight school at a time when I probably could have breezed through. Now I'm 28 and finally taking my shot.
Do what the hell you want and let the chips fall where they may.
Being in the military is a goal that I've wanted to accomplish since I was young. He is saying that he never signed up for this and that I shouldn't want to leave him. I never envisioned my life working a minimum wage job until I finished a college degree. That just isn't what I want for myself. I would be okay with trying to make it work and he just doesn't even want to try to make it work at all. He told me if I leave he will assume I am cheating on him while I was away and his heart couldn't handle it. Should I give up my goal to serve my country or stay with him?
This is the bottom line.
You're not likely to regret pursuing a goal you've been envisioning for yourself since childhood. You ARE likely to regret trashing a goal you've been envisioning for yourself since childhood because you let a guy you dated as a high schooler, who you've been with for a scant nine months, and who more than likely won't end up with long-term anyway talk you out of it. Don't allow yourself to be manipulated by ultimatums and purported mental health issues that you're supposed to put ahead of your own wellbeing. Don't get caught in that trap at this tender age.
You know the answer.
Some perspective...I'm married to a 15-year Navy man, a senior chief petty officer. He enlisted as an adult, after graduating from college and working in the civilian world for a number of years. He's been, among other things, an instructor for new sailors and a mentor for young enlisted, in his various positions of leadership. We've spent a lot of time with young, new sailors.
If you enlist (I - and my spouse - have little experience with ROTC, so I won't speak specifically to that), you'll meet TONS of new people. There will be shenanigans. People say at boot camp, you won't have time for such things, etc., but people manage, and with every group of boot camp grads, there are people who come out of boot camp prospective parents with somebody they just met. A-school will have stepped degrees of more freedom, as well, so there's even more room for not-so-great choices, and things happen. You'll see people who enlist young already married, already with kids, and you'll see many of those young marriages fall apart. Both because, yeah, young recruits sometimes DO cheat (as, more commonly, do the partners left behind), and because young marriages are not always the most stable and don't last through separations even when everyone's faithful. You'll see people who get married right out of boot camp, to people they just met...my spouse had to, as part of his job, counsel sailors and sign off on chits when they wanted to do this. Lots of bad decisions.
You don't HAVE to sign on for young relationships and marriages when you enter the military, but the truth is, lots of young military (esp. enlisted personnel) do, indeed. It's not always pretty, either. If you go this route, keep your head on straight and remember your goals. You don't want to sacrifice them now, for a high school boyfriend, and you don't also want to sacrifice them in the near future for another version of that same guy who happens to be a fellow enlisted. I have seen female sailors pressure by their sailor boyfriends/spouses to cut their own careers short. In dual military households, it is usually the woman who ends up leaving the military early/sacrificing career advancement, not the man...even moreso if children enter into the picture. It's a good time to be a woman in the Navy, but only if you keep your eye on what YOU want. The Navy is getting better and better for women, but loads of attention is still being paid to sexual assault prevention programs, and some of the discrepancies that I listed above. There are some really great opportunities for young women, but it's pretty imperative that you not let your pursuit of your goals become swayed by boyfriends, etc. in the process.
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. Oh well.
