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Very smart, op. What came to mind, the last time I posted here, were a couple of true stories about women going over to a guys' home or inviting the guys' over to their homes, and they were raped. Even when one of the women denied sex, the guy she was seeing still took advantage of her. Some guys will take it even after you say no.
I remember a couple of years ago how my sleaze ball ex invited me over to his house to "watch a movie." He touched many girls inappropriately and forced them and also me into uncomfortable situations. If I would have gone over to his house, my life would have basically been destroyed.
Again, smart move.
I remember doing unsafe things like that when I was super young, more unsafe even. I was lucky. Thank God.
You are thinking way to much! guy just wanted to watch a movie and possibly get close to you. If he tried to initiate sex you say no right if your not interested and if he keeps going without your consent isn't it rape? Call the cops!
I could see how the original post came off. I do like the guy, it's something on my side, too. (though I do think he's looking for sex, and I think it was too soon for this attempt) I don't know him well enough to even be able to tell if I'm his type. Insecurity on my part adds to this scenario. (I tried to rep you again but couldn't)
I appreciate that. Like I said, your primary focus should be on doing what you feel comfortable with, not what he'll think, even if that means holding out.
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Ok, so what happens if you want sex, go ahead with sex, but then afterwards want to spend more time with that person and form a ~relationship~ with them? Or basically, what happens if what you are seeking is respect, and caring, and a relationship, with sex. What if you are looking for love? The minefield women have to walk is, if we don't put out then he'll give up and move on...and if we do, then we've lost his respect because we're cheap. Most women who have been involved with dating men have seen this. We are somehow supposed to be your Mommy, your freak in bed, your sweet gentle princess, and a hundred other things at the same time. And how can we know if any one man is going to react in this way or that way to something? An awful lot of men will do everything they can to persuade a woman to give them sex, and then treat us like the losers of some game or suckers or fools when we do...and so here we are, being told that we're supposed to be sexually liberated, but with the ghosts of our prior American generations telling us that if we were decent women we would have waited until marriage... And heaven help us if we try and fail more than a few times. The more "experience" we have, the cheaper and less valuable we become. To men, to society, to ourselves every time we are treated like trash.
I'm saying that for every man out there asking what on earth women want and how they're supposed to act...women are wondering the same thing.
SonicSpork, I get your confusion, but I think it's a little misplaced, for lack of a better word.
There is a version of what you're talking about, and what the OP likely thinks, that I understand. It's probably not a smart idea to meet a guy at a bar, hook up with him the first night, and then expect that you're going to have a long relationship with him. It could happen, but more than likely it was just sex. Casual sex.
Women spend a lot of time worrying about being seen as cheap and easy and then blame society/men for placing unfair standards and expectations on them. To a large degree women place this pressure on themselves.
I don't think one way or another about a woman's decision to have sex. For me, I want a woman who trusts me enough to share her body with me. It's a very intimate thing that I don't take lightly. Not all men feel that way, but aside from not hopping into bed with every guy that calls you cute, you can alleviate a lot of that pressure by not worrying about what people think. It's about being comfortable in what you want and what you want to do.
To give a brief example: me and my kid's mom have been divorced over ten years. We've both dated around here and there, but haven't remarried. My ex-wife has told me a few times that she's "thought about" what I would think or her parents or our son would think about her dating, and it's stopped her from getting serious with guys in the past. Of course if either one of us got serious with someone, they would need to be cool with our kid, but I've never stopped myself from having feelings for someone because of what she might think. It...never occurred to me. I've never shamed her for wanting to date, either. But this is something that really preoccupies her mind when she meets someone.
I think a lot of guys who seem to be only hard up for sex think they have to be or else they wont get any. Sad thing is, that's sometimes true. If you're too laid-back and want to take it slow, a lot of women will start to look at you as a non-sexual man friend. So we have to draw a fine line between "I don't want to pressure you..." and "I'm too good with my hands and mouth to just be your friend, woman", which is why you get "hey, wanna come watch a movie?" texts two dates in.
Funny you should say this. Yesterday was when we had the talk about me not coming over just yet. And today, he's gone. Honestly, I felt in my gut from the first date I wasn't his type so there's the update. So all you men (mostly if I remember right) who thought I was being a jerk assuming he just wanted sex, turns out it was a correct assumption. Next
I had a feeling too. All these folks on here saying the man just wanted to watch a movie with you. Yeah right! What world are we living in again?
LWS, to thy own self be true.
Good riddance. Next!!!!
You could have been raped, drugged or who knows what. I think you did the right thing by following your instincts. Too many crazies out there these days.
OMG really???
Dude invites a woman over, and you all instantly throw out the rapist card... ****ing amazing
No wonder so many of you are single old cat ladies
Dude invites a woman over, and you all instantly throw out the rapist card... ****ing amazing
No wonder so many of you are single old cat ladies
You really seem to have taken that personal.
Although there are guys out there who wouldn't do that, there are a lot of people out there who have and will do that. So technically she isn't really lying. I know of a few people who were in those situations.
I wouldn't try to dissuade anyone from making the choice to go home with someone they just met or openly judge them for it, but as children we are taught not to fully trust strangers right away for a reason. There are so many stories out there where someone was harmed in some way.
Using common sense and being cautious is not a bad thing.
Funny you should say this. Yesterday was when we had the talk about me not coming over just yet. And today, he's gone. Honestly, I felt in my gut from the first date I wasn't his type so there's the update. So all you men (mostly if I remember right) who thought I was being a jerk assuming he just wanted sex, turns out it was a correct assumption. Next
I think it's a little too soon to assume he disappeared on you because he just wanted sex. Yes, his him asking you to come over and watch a movie is pretty synonymous with come over so we can get it on, but that doesn't mean that's all he wanted. I'm with the guys on this one, most guys are going to try to have sex with you a couple of dates in, whether they really like you, or they don't doesn't matter, they'll try anyway.
That being said, I think you did the right thing, I would've done the same (and have, since I've been in these situations quite a few times). But like I said, not sure he's gone ghost on you just yet, although if he's been blowing up your phone everyday, then all of a sudden nothing that's a bit odd. Maybe you can shoot him a text? Especially if you never initiate (don't know if you do or not).
Dude invites a woman over, and you all instantly throw out the rapist card... ****ing amazing
No wonder so many of you are single old cat ladies
"You all"? Don't get hysterical.
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It must have been the movie selection, that's it
