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My dear, I have so many friends in this position. And here's what happens. You really WANT to be married and all that implies, but the guy "wants to wait" or "isn't ready" or whatever. But everything is else is "good".
No.
It isn't.
Because one day soon, that guy will meet The One somewhere by chance and it will astound you how fast he'll get married.
He'll dump you and marry that new woman and you'll be stunned.
I'm so tired of seeing this happen to women.
Please stop now and find the guy who wants what you want.
YES it will feel awful and be hard and you'll cry.
Then you'll move on and find your One and you'll come back here and tell us about it!
Hugs!!!
It sounds like you really want to stay in America and getting married is easiest way to do that...
Lol. We don't live in the States, but in Argentina. I'm from Spain. So if you think it's just for the visa I guess he would hve more advantages getting A European residency and work permit than me getting mine for Argentina,
I'd really appreciate advice. I've been with my bf for three years, we just celebrated our third anniversary a few days ago. I was hoping for a proposal, but it didn't come. We were oj a romantic holiday so it would have been perfect, but well. It was an amazing trip anyway and I didn't show my disappointment at all. We have been talking about marriage a few times in the relationship. I wad never the kind of person who brought the topic up a lot, but this past February we had a few fights about it because he didn't even want to give me a timeline and just kept saying that he doesn't want to get married yet. Finally he told me that we will get married at some point and that we can get engaged in 'a couple of months'. Ever since I've not mentioned marriage or wedding stuff, not even once, for the past almost six months. I didn't want him to feel pressured, and I don't really believe in ultimatums. I guess I was just hoping he would bring up the topic himself at some point, but nothing, not even one word.
Important- He is 31, I'm 28, so it's not like we're two college kids too young to get married. He has been working in his job for the past 7 years, and got a major position in his company last October. I've also been working for a couple of years, both of us are financially independent. We've also been living together for the past two years and everything is great. He shows me his love a lot, and he loves being with me. But I really start wondering where this is going. He knows marriage is important to me, and he knows I don't wanna be the eternal girlfriend. I told him six months ago it would be nice to get married in summer 2016 (at that point we'll hit the 4 year mark) but he didn't really say anything to it. He also knows I don't expect a fancy ring or an expensive wedding, I was never that type of girls. So I really start wondering what the problem is.
In my mind I've set myself some own kind of deadline, which is November this year, which would be almost 3.5 years of relationship. I'm not sure though if I'll really be sble to walk away then. I'd never tell him the deadline because the lst thing I want is a forced proposal. I just don't see myself waiting years and years for him to be ready, even though I'm absolutely crazy about him. He's over 30 and we've been together for three years, shouldnt that be enough to know if he wants to marry me?
Plus, we live in his country together, i moved here for him two years ago. Maybe I shouldnt have moved without a proposal, but it's too late for that now. I have to renew my visa here once a year, and it's an expensive and time consuming process. If we got married, this wouldn't be a problrm anymore. I just feel like after all this time and after me living here for him I should have a clear future with or without him ahead.
What would you do in my shoes? Should I walk away by the end of my deadline? Am I expecting too much and give him more time?
Thanks.
If you have to give him an ultimatum to marry you is it really worth it?
I would think if you were going to be asked to marry it would have been done already.
You are the only one who knows what is right for your life so you choose to wait for a proposal that may never come or you choose to move forward with your life.
Thanks so much to everyone for your advice so far. Sometimes I'm really wondering if I'm expecting too much and if I should just give it more time. Most of his friends are married, but many of them didn't get married til 4-7 years of dating (but then again, they started dating much younger than we did). I also think it makes me think the whole thing even more because I am in his country for him, and even though I love my life there I still moved there for him and nothing else. If we broke up I don't think I would stay there. I don't wanna be strung along for a years in a different continent and then find out that he never wants to marry me. The thing is, I sat him down to talk about this several times. He knows how important it is to me. He said he feels like I'm in a rush and he doesn't want to feel pressured (he said yhat six months ago, after we had been dating 2.5 years). I accepted that, so I completly stopped talking about marriage stuff to give him the chance to take some time to think anout it and reflect everything, so he could be the one to bring it up again. It's ben six months now since I mentioned it last time and he hasn't even mentioned marriage in one word.
Bluntly tell him if he wants marriage, or you won't renew it. If he dodges it then tell him that you are going to leave him soon. Live your life, don't always make sacrifices for him.
Oh and to make i clear again- i am def not plnning to give my bf some kind of ultimatum. I think ultimatums just create more pressure, and even if he proposed to me I would always think he just did it because I kinda threatened him. That doesn't mean though that I don't have a kind of 'deadline' in my head. And btw sorry tor typing mistakes, I'm writing from my phone.
Thanks so much to everyone for your advice so far. Sometimes I'm really wondering if I'm expecting too much and if I should just give it more time. Most of his friends are married, but many of them didn't get married til 4-7 years of dating (but then again, they started dating much younger than we did). I also think it makes me think the whole thing even more because I am in his country for him, and even though I love my life there I still moved there for him and nothing else. If we broke up I don't think I would stay there. I don't wanna be strung along for a years in a different continent and then find out that he never wants to marry me. The thing is, I sat him down to talk about this several times. He knows how important it is to me. He said he feels like I'm in a rush and he doesn't want to feel pressured (he said yhat six months ago, after we had been dating 2.5 years). I accepted that, so I completly stopped talking about marriage stuff to give him the chance to take some time to think anout it and reflect everything, so he could be the one to bring it up again. It's ben six months now since I mentioned it last time and he hasn't even mentioned marriage in one word.
Time to move or you'll regret it. The fact your posting here is a sign from your instincts.
My dear, I have so many friends in this position. And here's what happens. You really WANT to be married and all that implies, but the guy "wants to wait" or "isn't ready" or whatever. But everything is else is "good".
No.
It isn't.
Because one day soon, that guy will meet The One somewhere by chance and it will astound you how fast he'll get married.
He'll dump you and marry that new woman and you'll be stunned.
I'm so tired of seeing this happen to women.
Please stop now and find the guy who wants what you want.
YES it will feel awful and be hard and you'll cry.
Then you'll move on and find your One and you'll come back here and tell us about it!
Hugs!!!
That's not always the case. I kno several guys in their 30ies/40ies who have never been married and never want to get married because for them it's just a piece of paper and against their idea of life. And that's totally okay. But I know I couldn't be with someone with these believes.
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one word- walk.
