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I really try to refrain from making any threads here...but...
I’ve been thinking about this for a while. Forgive me if I sound ignorant and it could be me just over thinking things again; but I’m really writing this to get it out of my head. I guess you can say I have been a bit curious about the whole dynamics of relationships. It mainly comes from a mixture of reading these threads and real life experiences with other people. These are just my silly observations and a product from thinking too much.
One thing I have noticed in this forum and IRL, it seems it is not considered “normal” if someone has been single for more than a few years or so. I’ll use myself as an example, I’ve been single forever (not complaining about it lol) and I feel okay I guess. When I was about sixteen, I REALLY wanted to date. I had guys I crushed on and I wanted to be like every other girl with a bf. So it’s not like I’ve never felt anything for another person. Compared to now I haven’t liked NEARLY as many males as I did when I was that age. I have gotten my “feelings hurt” and it felt like a REAL heartbreak even though nothing really happened with them. Maybe I am a bit more sensitive than others. Since then I haven’t really “felt” anything for any other person.
Another thing that sticks out is the whole controversy around sex and when to have it. Some people think the sooner you have it, the less time you waste. Others believe the longer you wait the more meaning it has behind it. I can see both sides of each argument, as it depends on who you are, and what you want in a partner. I guess I am just trying to understand the concept of having a “time limit’ and if there really is one when it all boils down to it. It really just seems like there is an unnecessary pressure when those standards are set, causing even more problems.
I want to go further but the post will be too long and I know how some posters are on here about reading long winded posts hahaha, also I’ll just start rambling and nothing will make sense (which it probably doesn’t anyway.) I guess what I am asking is that, wouldn’t it be easier if society didn’t have these standards? I know this forum doesn’t represent how people are in the real world but there are lots of people I know who are discouraged about being single and think something is wrong with them.
I know that question has been asked 1000 times....but like I said before I just needed to get my thoughts out. I try to go by the philosophy of living your life and letting everything else fall into place...but I do wonder. A lot.
I have been single for almost 2 years simply because I haven't met that special someone.I have had few guys ask me out but there was no attraction. I am not looking for a male model or a mufti-millionaire something like that.The truth is, it's hard to find strong MUTUAL Chemistry with a person who is also COMPATIBLE and moreover, SINGLE.I enjoy being single more than I do settling for a man I lack the spark with...
On the hand some women just seem to meet a man they feel mutual fireworks with and they are both crazy about each other in no time. So I guess about all about its all timing and luck
Being single is not "wrong", but society as a whole see singles as odd, out of place.it is called social mindset. We firmly believe that it is “normal” social behaviour when a male and a female gets married and lives the life as a couple. It is somehow believed that it is “not normal” not to marry. We are mostly pre-programmed towards the marrying tendency. It is mainly to help the human species continue through reproduction.
When we see a person still a bachelor after his/her prime age we automatically feel that the person has gone against the will of the nature. We are pre-programmed to think like it. But, as we progress we have tried to redefine nature and accept some more behaviours as normal. Not marrying has come to be accepted as a normal behaviour as we are now more and more aware of human emotions.
OP, don't let this forum mess with your mind. "Deadlines" and "time limits" for physical engagement when dating, and all the other crazy stuff that comes up here--just do what's right for you when the time comes. If the guy isn't on the same page as you, then he's not the right guy for you. It's pretty simple, really.
Location: Somewhere in a Field of Hopes and Dreams
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It does seem like certain things are the status quo on here, like when to kiss someone or when to have sex, but I think that's because most of us are speaking on OUR preferences and ideals. However, concessions are made the moment we find someone we like.
I had one bf in hs, but that lasted for a week. My so called best friend sent him suggestive, sexual texts and when I asked him about it HE BROKE UP WITH ME! Can you believe that!? Anyway, me being an old fashioned type of girl, I knew I was in over my head dating the "popular" guy. I didn't date again until my freshmen year of college. And now out of college, I've been single for a little over 2 years...and so far it looks like it's going to be another year of that.
I've gone on a couple of dates but either I didn't feel strongly enough to continue (I'm one that needs lots passion and laughter or nothing at all), or the guy dragged it out.
So OP there are a lot of us who have experienced LONG bouts of singleness, probably more of us in the world than society would have you believe. In fact, in my observations I've noticed the girls who do tend to STAY with guys on their arms, are the women who tend to put themselves out there and are aggressive.
now regarding this concept of "time limits" about when things are supposed to happen when dating. where did this come from? and why is it there? why do people think that if they dont have sex within a certain time period, or a certain number of dates, that the relationship is somehow a failure? everyone is different, we are not robots with timers for everything. we take life as it comes when we are ready. sex happens when it happens, and forcing it on your partner is wrong. when guys do it women call it rape. when women do it, the guys claim she is a ****, or other unflattering terms.
people, when your partner shares their intimacy with you, relish it. enjoy the experience. take your time and give your partner as much pleasure as possible, and damn the time limits.
I was single for a years at a time (long stretches). Most recently, I was single for about two years (I had a lot of one-time dates, but never anyone that clicked.
The one-time dates sucked (in a way, it was still interesting meeting new people, but it was getting to be a bit of a drag not finding anyone).
When I did find someone, it was amazing (still is since we are still dating). It just clicked, everything. We set no time limit on anything like a kiss, sex, whatever, we just did things when they felt right I suppose. This, is the best.
So to conclude:
- How long you are single, or how long it takes to kiss, have sex, be engaged, whatever doesn't matter. Setting up timelines for yourself just adds to the pressure and makes people miserable. Go with the flow and see where it all takes you (whether it is single or meeting someone and doing "whatever" when it just feels right).
- Being single is better than dating and not meeting anyone.
- But meeting the right person and hitting it off, is way better than being single.
Oh, and if you meet anyone who has deadlines and such, feel sorry for that person because they don't know what they are missing when they impose arbitrary rules to romance.
OP, don't let this forum mess with your mind. "Deadlines" and "time limits" for physical engagement when dating, and all the other crazy stuff that comes up here--just do what's right for you when the time comes. If the guy isn't on the same page as you, then he's not the right guy for you. It's pretty simple, really.
This ^.
I do have to ask, OP, why arent you, or have never been in a relationship? I mean, obviously you're pretty, smart, and wise for your age? What gives? Too picky? afraid to get your heart broken? Sex?
You sound like me, op. Single for a long time, great looking, smart, blah, blah sex BUT I don't let posters' words get to me. It's my life, and I do things on my own time.
In my opinion, if you were fine with being single, you wouldnt spend so much thinking about it.
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