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Sounds like you should avoid people at work. I've worked jobs that I wouldn't want to get involved.. friends or dating. But yeh.... I've run into women with similar erratic behavior but fortunately they are the minority of those I've run into. I found that groups of men/women often feed off each other and validate bad behavior.
You're right. I've always made it a vow to myself not to date a coworker. Unfortunately, some people do not seem to understand these legitimate boundaries and have no problem generating drama. Work isn't a place for flirting or making friends. I want to remain professional at all times.
Weirdly enough, my supervisors had no problem gossiping about who was dating who.
There is something I do not understand about certain men.
How to distinguish defensiveness as a result of their ego getting bruised from raw honesty?
1. I had an instance where a man and I clicked really really well (or so I thought). However, at some point, he invited me over and I declined because I wasn't ready (having sex on date 2 or 3 is too soon for me).
The following day, he texted me and told me I didn't spark his interest intellectually. The interest was purely physical. This speech being the opposite of what I had gotten two weeks prior.
2. When you reject a man because you're not interested in them and they start bad-mouthing you to the point where people who you don't even know start hating you for no an apparent reason.
3. When you reject a man and he tells you: "You're ugly anyway".
* Those are three different men *
What is this kind of behavior? Why do men act like this? This is utterly confusing for a straight-forward woman like me.
It is basically the same reaction from all three though. All three see their relationship with you as being all about them. They clearly do not respect you. Maybe they do not really respect anyone, and are perhaps highly narcissistic. You have not told us enough to determine that.
When they do not get what they want - and fast - they feel rejected and hurt, and move to transfer that hurt to you through their comments and actions. This is the typical conduct of immature people, as immaturity is largely about being extremely selfish (just like a crying baby), and in many cases that dissipates with age, but not always.
And of course women can be this way too and many are.
You cannot fix these men, or any men for that manner. The only thing you can change is yourself and your own choices and actions, although even that has its limits.
Typical female response... she ran into someone purely in it for a physical relationship, she wasnt, so he bailed... can you fault him for that?
If you re-read the OP, you will see that two weeks prior, he was telling her she did spark his interest intellectually. The reality is that he is either an asshat who can't handle rejection or he was a liar just telling her what he thought she wanted to hear to try to push her into bed. Either way, he's not worth a second thought.
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You cannot fix these men, or any men for that manner. The only thing you can change is yourself and your own choices and actions, although even that has its limits.
Yup. You can't change them (women in my case). You can simply change the dating pool from which you participate.
If you re-read the OP, you will see that two weeks prior, he was telling her she did spark his interest intellectually. The reality is that he is either an asshat who can't handle rejection or he was a liar just telling her what he thought she wanted to hear to try to push her into bed. Either way, he's not worth a second thought.
Thank you for pointing that out!
He actually told me he really enjoyed our conversations and he'd be stupid to let me go because we clicked too well. It was one of those situations where we'd finish each other sentences or talk about a matter one of us was thinking about. At that point, we hadn't even kissed or gotten physically "involved" yet.
Men like this aren't worth wasting brain cells on. Figuring it out isn't going to change things.
I've run into this before, usually when I'm out with friends and get hit on. If I politely decline, I get called a b*tch or prude or ugly. Some people just don't know how to act.
Most of this is just crass boorishness, and is not specific to men vs. women.
But to Philly's first point, I must reject the entire premise. Why does an invitation to one's house necessarily imply sex? I invite women to my house with some frequency, casually and without much thought or ulterior motive. Maybe they want to borrow books from my library, or traipse through the grounds. Sex isn't expected, nor is this part of a careful and assiduous scheme for endearing myself to her and eventually escalating to sexual contact. Sexual interest can intersect with emotional appeal or just mere friendship. Of course this happens. But "please join me at my house for a glass of wine" does NOT imply "We're going to have sex". If such is the implication - especially on just the first few dates - then I'd opine that there's something fundamentally askew in the relationship.
What a breath of fresh air to hear a man on CD say something like this. Thank you, ohio! Honestly, the more time I spend on CD, the less faith I have in men. Or, rather, opinions expressed regularly in the Relationships threads make male/female relationships seem utterly pointless, beyond the physical. So, to read that a man can actually have a sincere interest in spending time with a woman, even if it doesn't involve sex, is amazing.
What a breath of fresh air to hear a man on CD say something like this. Thank you, ohio! Honestly, the more time I spend on CD, the less faith I have in men. Or, rather, opinions expressed regularly in the Relationships threads make male/female relationships seem utterly pointless, beyond the physical. So, to read that a man can actually have a sincere interest in spending time with a woman, even if it doesn't involve sex, is amazing.
Maybe there is room for hope, afterall.
The men and women you see here are a minor subset of men around the world. Please don't use this as a sample space for judging men.
Women are much nicer than what I see here when I talk with them at restaurants, work, and so on.
You can come to my place, and we can simply talk as friendly adults. I'm perfectly open to that and in fact like talking to people.
the more time I spend on CD, the less faith I have in men.
I learned very quickly that this forum is not a good representation of what is in the real world. I initially swore off this forum shortly after I started participating..... I stuck around taking it at face value... if anything, it is entertaining.
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