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These ^^^ are maturity issues, not "shyness" issues.
Conversation flows both ways, and you cannot expect to be able to put the onus on the other party a majority of times and expect to be welcomed.
I disagree. It goes both ways exactly. So they could have put more effort into talking to me. I'm not immature I'm shy. I've been this way my whole life. You don't know me.
I disagree. It goes both ways exactly. So they could have put more effort into talking to me. I'm not immature I'm shy. I've been this way my whole life. You don't know me.
Yeah. I have this issue, and no, it's not a good way to be. I can talk up a storm if people speak to me first. But that's the thing, I don't say much unless spoken to-even far as greeting someone. If it's just social interaction and not business. My mother always hated that, but so far no changes happening yet. She had to warn my brother's girlfriend that if I am not speaking to her, it's not hatred, it's just how I am. And apparently when that convo came up, his girlfriend said "Maybe it's just me." So she apparently thought I had personal issues with her.
My father is the same lol His sister, my aunt, had to tell others that he's really a good man, but he's shy and you'd have to go to him.
And with that, people will misread that you're rude, hateful, snobby, or weird or something. And it comes off as being unapproachable, So, if you are that passionate about being accepted into a lover's family, you have to push shyness and uncertainty out the window and speak to them, and be sociable. Sorry, but truth is shy is a social killer. But it can be misread as too many things. So it's something that one has to practice overcoming-and work harder, unless they're lucky. That's not counting people who can recognize shy, but don't bother because it's a chore sometimes getting them to loosen up.
Shyness / Social Anxiety can be considered a problem/flaw. And a person with flaws has to wanna help themselves than rely on others to help or cure them-unless they're being paid to, and have trained to do such, like a counselor, or something.
Last edited by HappyRain; 08-03-2015 at 05:12 PM..
I disagree. It goes both ways exactly. So they could have put more effort into talking to me. I'm not immature I'm shy.
These are examples of an immature approach with people who someone you supposedly care about really cares about:
Quote:
Originally Posted by alaskandaisy
They should be welcoming me into the family and trying hard to talk to me because they want their son happy. I know I'm shy but if you talk to me I will of course answer.
This last one is also a bit passive-aggressive.
I think you have this backwards. You should work hard to talk to his parents because you want HIM to be happy.
I have two sons just a couple years younger than you, and frankly, any girl who comes into my house gets the same polite, friendly reception. But I'm not going to conduct an interview. Do you know how many girls have been there before you? Her son is 27 years old, so probably quite a few. She can be kind and interested in you, but you don't just sit there expecting the mother to lay down a red carpet and drag you out of your shell.
Since you know you have this "problem" with shyness, you are obligated to counteract it. So make an effort. You'll have to do it in the workforce too.
Yeah. I have this issue, and no, it's not a good way to be. I can talk up a storm if people speak to me first. But that's the thing, I don't say much unless spoken to-even far as greeting someone. If it's just social interaction and not business. My mother always hated that, but so far no changes happening yet. She had to warn my brother's girlfriend that if I am not speaking to her, it's not hatred, it's just how I am. And apparently when that convo came up, his girlfriend said "Maybe it's just me." So she apparently thought I had personal issues with her.
My father is the same lol His sister, my aunt, had to tell others that he's really a good man, but he's shy and you'd have to go to him.
And with that, people will misread that you're rude, hateful, snobby, or weird or something. And it comes off as being unapproachable, So, if you are that passionate about being accepted into a lover's family, you have to push shyness and uncertainty out the window and speak to them, and be sociable. Sorry, but truth is shy is a social killer. But it can be misread as too many things. So it's something that one has to practice overcoming-and work harder, unless they're lucky. That's not counting people who can recognize shy, but don't bother because it's a chore sometimes getting them to loosen up.
Shyness / Social Anxiety can be considered a problem/flaw. And a person with flaws has to wanna help themselves than rely on others to help or cure them-unless they're being paid to, and have trained to do such, like a counselor, or something.
Thank you for understanding. I wish I wasn't this way but I've been dealing with it since I was a kid. And yes you're exactly right, people think I'm rude and unapproachable when in reality I'm so nice. I guess it's something I need to work on more.
Have you ask him to make you guys start a new and see what happened?
Yes I have but he doesn't want to try with me anymore because he said he can't trust me right now and he needs time for himself. I'm fine with that. If we reconnect in September and we still have feelings for each other them maybe we can try to start over.
I met my boyfriend on OkCupid in Feburary. We exchanged phone calls for a month until we finally met and we instantly clicked and had an amazing connection. The problem was that there were a few odds against us that I guess we both should have been more prepared for.
-I'm 21 and he's 26 (turning 27 next month)
-He was my first real boyfriend/relationship
-I'm finishing up school in a different state than we both live in
-He's a third mate on a tug boat and works on the sea 6 months out of the year (1 month home, 1 month at sea)
We were aware of these factors going into the relationship but we were so head over heels for each other we went for it anyway. Long story short, he broke up with me this past Friday and I'm wondering if there's anyway I can ever get him back because there's never been anyone I've ever dated that I've liked more than him. He was a great boyfriend but unfortunately we argued too much which was mostly my fault because I'm naive with relationships and took advantage of him at times. I would snap at him for no reason and give him the silent treatment for no reason and it was stuff like that that really pushed him away. I told him I want to change but he said it's too late and he needs time to himself to get himself back together but there is still a possibility that we could date in the future.
He came over my house last night to talk with me and give me closure. We are still very affectionate to one another and kept apologizing to each other a million times. He feels horrible for breaking my heart because we both thought this relationship was going to last so much longer. We cuddled in bed and had sex this morning which I didn't plan on..it just happened. I think maybe we're both still attached. He told me that I'm a beautiful, smart and wonderful girl and that maybe if we werent both at different stages of our lives this relationship would work. He wants to come over again tonight to keep me company while my parents are out of town. I mentioned him possibly coming to school in September to see me after he works all of August and he agreed he wants to do that.
He leaves for work next week and I plan on not contacting him the entire 28 days so maybe he will have time to miss me.
I'm just grieving right now that this is all over. Does anyone have any advice or think there is a chance at us getting back together?
I strongly urge you not to hold your breath waiting on this to happen.
He will probably be grateful for the time alone at sea that is going to be peaceful without being snapped at for no particular reason and not being treated poorly by an alleged girlfriend.
I strongly urge you not to hold your breath waiting on this to happen.
He will probably be grateful for the time alone at sea that is going to be peaceful without being snapped at for no particular reason and not being treated poorly by an alleged girlfriend.
He's a big boy. He doesn't hate me, if anything he still has feelings for me. We've talked about my behavior throughly and I've apologized many times at this point. He understands.
How to Talk with Practically Anybody about Practically Anything
by Barbara Walters
Get this book - you may have to go to Amazon. Basically, it tells you to concentrate on the other party you are talking to. "I'm shy" is just lazy. It's not other people's job to force you to communicate. Take responsibility for yourself - so others don't view you as an unpleasant chore. I bought this book a looooong time ago - best money I ever spent.
How to Talk with Practically Anybody about Practically Anything
by Barbara Walters
Get this book - you may have to go to Amazon. Basically, it tells you to concentrate on the other party you are talking to. "I'm shy" is just lazy. It's not other people's job to force you to communicate. Take responsibility for yourself - so others don't view you as an unpleasant chore. I bought this book a looooong time ago - best money I ever spent.
Thank you! I'm going to look into that
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