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If you are someone who cannot understand why certain people do not enjoy being around others who cry frequently (like me), maybe this post explains it (at least in my case.)
When you are dealing with a child <5 years of age, they tend to cry a lot, right? "Did the loud noise scare you? That's ok, don't cry".."You can't go out and play? How sad, it's ok, no need to cry".."That girl won't let you play with her toys? It's ok, be a big girl, don't cry"...
A child slowly stops crying and starts solving their problems or comes up with other ways of dealing with the issues. This is a sign of maturity. It shows the person using a more productive means of resolution.
When you are a grown up and "little things" still make you cry, it reads as immature and/or weak to people. Someone who deals with problems in a non productive way. Granted the term "little things" is a subjective one, but things like crying over being yelled at by your boss or missing a bus would fall into little things.
And no, I don't have a right to tell someone how to feel. I am just saying this to show what someone like me might be thinking and why as Diss said, might choose not to be around someone like that for very long.
Yep. My emotions and how I express them are a part and parcel of who I am, take me or leave me. Anybody uncomfortable with and/or annoyed by honest displays of emotion is so NOT the person for me, anyway.
Yep. There are way too many emotionally repressed people. They do themselves no favors. If I ever choose to marry again, it will be to a man who respects my feelings and isn't afraid of his own. The only emotion some men seem to be comfortable displaying is anger, which, while a normal emotion to a certain degree, is but one of the spectrum of healthy, human emotions. Others are okay, too!
Yep. There are way too many emotionally uptight/closed off people. They do themselves, or anyone else, no favors.
I think closed off people can be empathic. Maybe it's rare, I don't know. I've been called poker-faced and "Vulcan" because I don't tend to show emotion very easily (or at all). I am very internal when it comes to emotions... other than happiness (I do laugh and smile... unlike Spock). I don't hold it in, it's just my natural way of things.
But on the flip side, I am very well aware of the emotions of others and have empathy for them. I can't watch (for example) grieving parents on TV when a child is missing without it deeply effecting me. I don't show it on the outside, but I still feel it. I have a hard time watching the news and people suffering. Stories about animal cruelty or child abuse will bother me for weeks (until I forget about it). Sometimes it's overwhelming when people are very emotional and if I get a chance to leave, I often will. Does that mean leaving a crying person all alone, hell no. That's cruel. But if it's something like a funeral, with a lot of emotional people everywhere and no one will miss me, I tend to have to step out and get away from it all. Or if it's even something like a party and lots of the opposite, overly happy people, again, I need to step away from it.
Except that crying doesn't actually preclude effectively dealing with problems.
It certainly doesn't. In fact, it can help one deal with problems more effectively, because it helps purge more overwrought feelings that can undermine one's long-term emotional health and problem-solving abilities.
Gerania might be on to something, here:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gerania
"Females have even lower representation than males do in serious crime categories. Since the 1960s in the United States, the extent of female arrests has generally been less than 15 percent for homicide and aggravated assault, and less than 10 percent for the serious property crimes of burglary and robbery."
I think closed off people can be empathic. Maybe it's rare, I don't know. I've been called poker-faced and "Vulcan" because I don't tend to show emotion very easily (or at all). I am very internal when it comes to emotions... other than happiness (I do laugh and smile... unlike Spock). I don't hold it in, it's just my natural way of things.
But on the flip side, I am very well aware of the emotions of others and have empathy for them. I can't watch (for example) grieving parents on TV when a child is missing without it deeply effecting me. I don't show it on the outside, but I still feel it. I have a hard time watching the news and people suffering. Stories about animal cruelty or child abuse will bother me for weeks (until I forget about it). Sometimes it's overwhelming when people are very emotional and if I get a chance to leave, I often will. Does that mean leaving a crying person all alone, hell no. That's cruel. But if it's something like a funeral, with a lot of emotional people everywhere and no one will miss me, I tend to have to step out and get away from it all. Or if it's even something like a party and lots of the opposite, overly happy people, again, I need to step away from it.
I know a lot of men feel panicky and protective when they see a woman cry. They find it hard to handle so they do whatever it takes to make it stop. I've never felt that. When I see a woman cry I find it to be one of the most annoying things. I just want to leave or tell her to pull herself together. I don't, but I want to. I don't feel any instinctive need to go out of my way to express sympathy unless it's something really really bad.
If she talks about her problem I can deal with that since it involves logic and solutions, but when a woman merely gets upset about something and starts boo hooing, I switch off and wait for it to end, trying my best to make it look like I'm just giving her space rather than suffering inside and counting the seconds before it ceases, which is what I'm really doing. My tolerance is very low. Is that common, or am I an exception?
Yep. There are way too many emotionally repressed people. They do themselves no favors. If I ever choose to marry again, it will be to a man who respects my feelings and isn't afraid of his own. The only emotion some men seem to be comfortable displaying is anger, which, while a normal emotion to a certain degree, is but one of the spectrum of healthy, human emotions. Others are okay, too!
I agree.
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