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I've always hated being cancelled on personally. There's a fair share of dates I wasn't enthusiastic about, but went on them anyways. I think I just have to be more fair with myself and state that I just don't think we're compatible. I've never been one to cancel, but after this weekend, it showed me that I'm going to have to start.
Yeah, good idea. Look at it this way: You're not going to have fun, it's going to show, stuff like this happens, and when you get right down to it, you are wasting her time as well as yours. I would rather have a cancellation than suffer through a miserable night with someone who makes it clear he doesn't even want to be there. Then I can make plans with friends or even another date. I find that way more considerate than being hit with a round of hostile questions.
I have to be honest with you, Weezer. I would never have some of the conversations you two had on the phone in the first place--at all, really, because I think talking about FWBs and all of that is inappropriate and crosses boundaries people have no business crossing--but if someone started asking me questions like the ones you asked, I'd probably end the date. I don't see a problem with her telling you why she didn't want to go bowling, either. If she said just "nah, not in the mood," would that have been any better? Probably not.
Life is short. Time you spend with the wrong people is time you could have spent with the right ones.
Yeah, good idea. Look at it this way: You're not going to have fun, it's going to show, stuff like this happens, and when you get right down to it, you are wasting her time as well as yours. I would rather have a cancellation than suffer through a miserable night with someone who makes it clear he doesn't even want to be there. Then I can make plans with friends or even another date. I find that way more considerate than being hit with a round of hostile questions.
I have to be honest with you, Weezer. I would never have some of the conversations you two had on the phone in the first place--at all, really, because I think talking about FWBs and all of that is inappropriate and crosses boundaries people have no business crossing--but if someone started asking me questions like the ones you asked, I'd probably end the date. I don't see a problem with her telling you why she didn't want to go bowling, either. If she said just "nah, not in the mood," would that have been any better? Probably not.
Life is short. Time you spend with the wrong people is time you could have spent with the right ones.
I don't disagree. It's just what happens when two people are on a date with each other and they don't want to be.
You are worth more than that man. Don't go out with someone that isn't feeling you like your mentioned at the start..........why you don't need a beyotch like that.
If you're in the middle of a date and discover it's not working, shouldn't you call it?
I just had a lunch date with a guy who works a few buildings over and it was mind numbing. About 15 minutes in, I asked him if I could be honest, and then proceeded to tell him it wasn't working. To my surprise, he said something about not forcing it and left it at that. Bad date, but he surprised me by not reacting harshly. Very refreshing.
Cool thanks for sharing there is hope for us in the dating pool
When I was dating for fun I didn't bother with hard questions, really. But when I was more serious about a relationship, later in my dating adventures, that's when I truly cared about compatibility and not wasting my time.
The vast majority of the time a lot of the meaty, "tough" questions were discussed during very early phone conversations, which meant less awkwardness and interview-style first dates. It felt much more organic when a lot of the important things were discussed early on, which is the basis for how I determine/assess compatibility before the first date. After these matters were addressed it allowed for more "fluff" and light-hearted issues without worrying or thinking in the back of my head how I'll mention or bring up tough or more serious questions.
Interesting, I might try more of that for better fits thanks
Is this the way it's done these days? This sounds like an interrogation. Whatever happened to "What hobbies/ interests do you have? What's your family background? What were your favorite subjects in college?" Or was that kind of thing covered already in the messaging back and forth, the 2 weeks prior to the date?
Yeah, it's a drag when the convo doesn't flow, and when the date clams up or is awkward. But bombarding her with the type of prying questions you asked wouldn't help alleviate that.
Oh well. As you said, there were signs from the start, since before the date, that it wasn't a good match. So you're learning to recognize those signs. That's worth something.
Is this the way it's done these days? This sounds like an interrogation. Whatever happened to "What hobbies/ interests do you have? What's your family background? What were your favorite subjects in college?" Or was that kind of thing covered already in the messaging back and forth, the 2 weeks prior to the date?
Yeah, it's a drag when the convo doesn't flow, and when the date clams up or is awkward. But bombarding her with the type of prying questions you asked wouldn't help alleviate that.
Oh well. As you said, there were signs from the start, since before the date, that it wasn't a good match. So you're learning to recognize those signs. That's worth something.
Good questions........those are the ones I asked on my last date where I determined we weren't a good fit and politely let her know afterwards
That woman seems unimpressive. Better luck next time, OP.
That said...asking a bunch of "hard" probing questions early on is a very poor way to get to know another person. It is far more likely that the other person will just go on her guard. You risk coming across to her as weird, desperate or even a bit creepy.
I agree 100% with the people who stated that things should be more organic. Better to keep it fun, humorous, light and casual for the first few dates. Stuff like music, funny anecdotes, things you like to do for fun, food, career, and a whole slew of other casual/fun topics. Ideally you two will learn some interesting things about each other (it can and often will be common ground...but doesn't necessarily have to be). And then just let the conversation roll back and forth from there...if it takes a sudden sharp turn into another subject, then just roll with it as if it's the most normal thing ever. For example, a conversation that starts with watermelon can meander into her telling you a neat story about some unusual street vendor she met and then segue into a totally different (but still contextually connected) subject...and before you know it, 30 minutes of nice conversation, lively banter and hearty laughs have gone by. You can still learn quite a bit about each other via light and funny conversation, especially if you are good at reading between the lines and noticing subtleties. It's more important that you enjoy each other's company. Learning is a frequent occurrence that can occur at ANY time (yes, even when flirting and teasing one another). The bigger point is that by keeping things light and fun...(assuming the conversation flows well and you want to keep seeing each other)...you two will gradually become more comfortable, and eventually both of you will naturally and willingly want to open up and share more and more about yourselves to each other. Often without being asked.
Forcing or rushing things too much is unnecessary and usually backfires.
That woman seems unimpressive. Better luck next time, OP.
That said...asking a bunch of "hard" probing questions early on is a very poor way to get to know another person. It is far more likely that the other person will just go on her guard. You risk coming across to her as weird, desperate or even a bit creepy.
I agree 100% with the people who stated that things should be more organic. Better to keep it fun, humorous, light and casual for the first few dates. Stuff like music, funny anecdotes, things you like to do for fun, food, career, and a whole slew of other casual/fun topics. Ideally you two will learn some interesting things about each other (it can and often will be common ground...but doesn't necessarily have to be). And then just let the conversation roll back and forth from there...if it takes a sudden sharp turn into another subject, then just roll with it as if it's the most normal thing ever. For example, a conversation that starts with watermelon can meander into her telling you a neat story about some unusual street vendor she met and then segue into a totally different (but still contextually connected) subject...and before you know it, 30 minutes of nice conversation, lively banter and hearty laughs have gone by. You can still learn quite a bit about each other via light and funny conversation, especially if you are good at reading between the lines and noticing subtleties. It's more important that you enjoy each other's company. Learning is a frequent occurrence that can occur at ANY time (yes, even when flirting and teasing one another). The bigger point is that by keeping things light and fun...(assuming the conversation flows well and you want to keep seeing each other)...you two will gradually become more comfortable, and eventually both of you will naturally and willingly want to open up and share more and more about yourselves to each other. Often without being asked.
Forcing or rushing things too much is unnecessary and usually backfires.
Yep. I should have cancelled the date and then these questions likely would have never came up. I was frustrated at that point and I believe she was frustrated too. It's two people out on a date that they don't want to be on, and neither party is exactly putting their best foot forward.
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This sounds like an interrogation. Whatever happened to "What hobbies/ interests do you have? What's your family background? What were your favorite subjects in college?" Or was that kind of thing covered already in the messaging back and forth, the 2 weeks prior to the date? 
