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Old 08-12-2015, 06:51 PM
 
Location: California side of the Sierras
11,162 posts, read 7,590,774 times
Reputation: 12523

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ambition33 View Post
Well I did the deed. I broke up with him just now. And he revealed his true nature of being someone petty and immature. Thanks everyone for your opinions. I guess I can go hunting for a more mature and independent guy like I deserve.
I think you made a wise choice. Happy hunting.
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Old 08-12-2015, 06:53 PM
 
1,615 posts, read 1,630,266 times
Reputation: 2714
Sounds to me you have enabled him to be what he is and not too sure what's going to be in it for you. Were not talking about a nineteen yr old were talking 30. You set the bar pretty low and nowhere to go now.
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Old 08-12-2015, 07:12 PM
 
203 posts, read 171,710 times
Reputation: 387
The OP seems a bit whacked if you ask me. She was with him for "3 years" and "just" (?) began to realize that there was an issue with his independence. Another thing is, she wants him to move out of parents house and get his own place; why wouldn't she live with him? Many unmarried couples live together. Her excuse is that she doesn't want to be his mommy, but it seems that she has her own issues with commitment. Maybe that's why he didn't want to move out; maybe he was concerned about living with her being an endless drain on his resources.
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Old 08-12-2015, 07:17 PM
 
9 posts, read 23,273 times
Reputation: 26
As for enabling him, I've been trying my best to change him. Work on gettng him new clothes and actually function in society if he were to live alone. The reason why I want him to live alone for a bit is to experience independence without having a mother there to do his laundry and cook for him. I was only with him for 3 out of his 30 years of life. I'm pretty sure he didn't suddenly change into the person he was when I started dating him... I gave him one year to try to change his life around and he hasn't.

Endless drain? It doesn't make sense if I make more money than he does.... If anything I'd be the main breadwinner....

The only issue I have is that he wont' be able to help me if I'm suddenly sick and dying of cancer. He might expect me to still cook and clean while undergoing chemo. It's interesting that you are blaming me for his lack of ambition. Or is it the norm for 30 year olds to have never lived by themselves before and never have paid the bills?
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Old 08-12-2015, 07:42 PM
 
Location: NNJ
15,024 posts, read 9,992,311 times
Reputation: 17149
If a person doesn't know how to do basic household duties, I wouldn't even want to be the roommate much less the partner.
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Old 08-12-2015, 08:01 PM
 
Location: Denver and Boston
2,071 posts, read 2,197,027 times
Reputation: 3831
Quote:
Originally Posted by ambition33 View Post
It's interesting that you are blaming me for his lack of ambition.
No, I think they are blaming you for not recognizing his lack of 'ambition' 2 years and 11 months ago. And let's be real, when we say someone has a lack of ambition, that is usually a polite way of saying they have a lack of aptitude. (I have met many college graduates that go from construction job to construction job because they don't have the aptitude to work at a basic construction job) He isn't moving out of his parents house because he can't afford to live on is own, he makes $12/hr and doesn't even work a full 40 week. $12/hr is joke, slightly experienced construction workers make twice that in most areas of the country.
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Old 08-12-2015, 08:21 PM
 
7,235 posts, read 7,004,675 times
Reputation: 12265
Hm. Another new poster who complains about their longtime SO, breaks up with them on the spot within an hour after posting, then gets snippy with the same people he/she asked advice from.
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Old 08-12-2015, 08:23 PM
 
9 posts, read 23,273 times
Reputation: 26
I realize 12 an hour isn't much. Heck I worked for 10 an hour part time. (I still managed to pay rent on that salary) Hence why it turned into more time that I gave him. He kept saying he was searching for a better job and I sadly believed him.
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Old 08-12-2015, 08:25 PM
 
9 posts, read 23,273 times
Reputation: 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cantabridgienne View Post
Hm. Another new poster who complains about their longtime SO, breaks up with them on the spot within an hour after posting, then gets snippy with the same people he/she asked advice from.
I think most people were saying I should break up?

I don't think many were saying that I should stay with him. It is a fact that I'm an idiot for staying with him as long as I have, however they didn't offer a solution to the issue. So I don't quite understand why you're saying I was getting snippy. They weren't offering advice nor a solution, only commenting.
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Old 08-12-2015, 08:26 PM
 
Location: California side of the Sierras
11,162 posts, read 7,590,774 times
Reputation: 12523
Quote:
Originally Posted by ambition33 View Post
As for enabling him, I've been trying my best to change him. Work on gettng him new clothes and actually function in society if he were to live alone. The reason why I want him to live alone for a bit is to experience independence without having a mother there to do his laundry and cook for him. I was only with him for 3 out of his 30 years of life. I'm pretty sure he didn't suddenly change into the person he was when I started dating him... I gave him one year to try to change his life around and he hasn't.
I think you're smart. I remember, at the age of 19, that light bulb moment when I realized that if I didn't wash the dirty dishes, no one would. If this dude were to go from his parents' house to living with a responsible girlfriend, he would never have a similar moment.
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