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Me: graduated with master's degree, overall same interests in hobbies as bf, lived by myself (know how to do laundry, cook, etc that all adults should be able to do)
him: lives at home with parents, 30 yrs old, works construction, same hobbies (but plays WoW nonstop), hold's college degree in field unrelated to construction, depends on his parents for everything
He has money but idk how much he has actually saved up since he keeps buying things like a 3dprinter and spending money. I believe he can save money when he's really invested in something and wants to save money for it. His construction work doesn't pay that much (11-12 dollars an hour I think) and he often takes off time whenever he wants to (eg. when he wants to see the previews for World of Warcraft).
The problem i have now is that I confronted him about his future plans, more importantly when does he intend to move out from his parent's house/get a better paying job (he complains about how he doesn't want to stay in construction forever, but is currently in it since his dad got him a job there and he also works as his boss at the company). He got the job basically because of his dad.
He said he's " afraid to live alone." I told him he could get roomates and rent (although all his same aged friends are already married by now) or even get an apartment close to his own parents so he can visit them often. He said he is instead saving for a downpayment on a house (which idk how long it is going to take him since he's already 30). It's distressing since he also doesn't know how to do laundry, cook, clean, anything. He doesn't pay bills at his parents much (only pays for his health insurance), everything else is done by his parents. He also does'nt know how to dress himself since he'll go to more fancy functions (like a wedding) in worn out shirts and jeans. I've had to buy him nicer clothes like a button down shirt.
We've been in a relationship for about 3 years and I'm coming to the point where I wonder about his ability to be mature and live on his own. I don't want to be his mother!! While it's cool that he wants to save money, I'm worried when he buys a house, he'll want me to move in because then he wouldn't be "all alone" and I'd have to become his "mother" since he doesn't know how to do anything for himself. What do you all think?
I think it is time for you to move on. You are wasting your best years with someone that will never mature and be a partner to you. You have way to much going for you to waste your time with him. Sorry...
It's kind of because he has a job and because he says he's saving up. I spoke with him and he said to give it a year and he'll have a house. Do I give him a year? Do I just end it right now before I drag this on too much longer for him and myself?
If you've been in a relationship for three years and he's worried about finding roommates (since neither of you want to move in together?) then there's an issue. Even if he decides to move out, he's likely "untrainable" and you will do all the housework in addition to earning most of the money. What do you guys do for fun? Video games?
Sorry - the relationship may have been acceptable while you were in school but it sounds l[ke you need to move on to a more mature relationship where you have a chance of getting what you want in life - an independent man.
He's not even interested in finding roommates for himself, and I am in the camp that I don't want to live together until each of us have lived independently for at least half a year (I've already been independently living for awhile.). We do videogames for fun, sometimes go to movies.
No way. You're going to spend several more years waiting for this man-child to get his life together and finally launch, and then several more years cajoling him into consistently meeting his grown-up responsibilities.
He's not even interested in finding roommates for himself, and I am in the camp that I don't want to live together until each of us have lived independently for at least half a year (I've already been independently living for awhile.).
Smart, because I'm willing to bet if you move in together you'll just be doing everything his parents are doing for him now.
I'd leave and not look back. IMO if he was interested in changing or moving out he would have done so by now.
Me: graduated with master's degree, overall same interests in hobbies as bf, lived by myself (know how to do laundry, cook, etc that all adults should be able to do)
him: lives at home with parents, 30 yrs old, works construction, same hobbies (but plays WoW nonstop), hold's college degree in field unrelated to construction, depends on his parents for everything
He has money but idk how much he has actually saved up since he keeps buying things like a 3dprinter and spending money. I believe he can save money when he's really invested in something and wants to save money for it. His construction work doesn't pay that much (11-12 dollars an hour I think) and he often takes off time whenever he wants to (eg. when he wants to see the previews for World of Warcraft).
The problem i have now is that I confronted him about his future plans, more importantly when does he intend to move out from his parent's house/get a better paying job (he complains about how he doesn't want to stay in construction forever, but is currently in it since his dad got him a job there and he also works as his boss at the company). He got the job basically because of his dad.
He said he's " afraid to live alone." I told him he could get roomates and rent (although all his same aged friends are already married by now) or even get an apartment close to his own parents so he can visit them often. He said he is instead saving for a downpayment on a house (which idk how long it is going to take him since he's already 30). It's distressing since he also doesn't know how to do laundry, cook, clean, anything. He doesn't pay bills at his parents much (only pays for his health insurance), everything else is done by his parents. He also does'nt know how to dress himself since he'll go to more fancy functions (like a wedding) in worn out shirts and jeans. I've had to buy him nicer clothes like a button down shirt.
We've been in a relationship for about 3 years and I'm coming to the point where I wonder about his ability to be mature and live on his own. I don't want to be his mother!! While it's cool that he wants to save money, I'm worried when he buys a house, he'll want me to move in because then he wouldn't be "all alone" and I'd have to become his "mother" since he doesn't know how to do anything for himself. What do you all think?
He may be telling the truth about saving for a down payment and then some.
I worked with a guy who lived with his parents until he was 37, worked low paying jobs and spend his free time playing paintball and video games, lost girlfriends behind it, parents thought he was a lazy slacker etc etc..
then one day he moved out into a small house he paid cash for free and clear, turned out he had been saving since college, he just did not want to risk a mortgage and lose it before he finished paying.
And nobody knew what his plan was in-case he failed.
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What do you all think?
