He wants a list !! Help!! (married, woman, husband, separation)

[dakotama]

I posted this in another topic but thought I may get more response if I started a new thread.

Other thread is need help for sis.


Help!!!
Sis- Husband and sis talked about separation/divorce last night. He wants her to make a list of what she wants. I have a suspicious feeling that he is going to use this against her later. I told her not to give him anything in writing until I see it. I have a feeling that she may even qualify for some sort of alimony or spousal support. He told her that if she makes a list then they can do it all without an atty. I don't think this is wise for her to do. I told her to go see an atty for a free consult before she does anything. As for the list. What is your advise on that? Yes or no? If yes what should she be sure to include? She is coming over tomorrow with what she has already. I think I can get her to stall him for a few days. So responses needed ASAP.

Thanks everyone Your experience is appreciated very much.

[Lillietta]

I agree with you!

[christina0001]

Just say no.

[Lindsey_Mcfarren]

You guys are right, never put anything in writing.

Get an attorney, let him do the writing.

[CarolinaWoman]

Fast ... QUICK ... get to a good divorce lawyer ... don't put anything in writing.

Daughter and Ex were going to do the nice, sweet parting of ways divorce. They lived in one of our rental houses ... soooo daughter says I will go away this weekend and you get your things out of the house. She returned home and everything that was paid for was gone ... no bedroom suite ... nowhere to sleep ... no kitchen table and chairs. He did leave one plate, one fork, one spoon, one knife and in court had the nerve to say that to the judge.

Unfortunately, sometimes a divorce can get right nasty. Talk to a lawyer and best wishes to your sister.

[dakotama]

Thanks everyone. I thought I was advising her correctly but just need confirmation. I sent her a link to this topic in a secret email that we set up for us to communicate in and he doesn't know about it.

Keep responding the more the better.

[Pikantari]

Ok, I am reading this, and I have read your other post, and it takes me back to the summer.

The summer of 2007. The summer when things had to end, they just had to stop, and I just wanted it to be civil. I wanted my kids with me, and I wanted things to be civil.

Now, the problem with that is this... One person realizes the situation and wants it to end. The other agrees or not. But it is most likely not going to be civil in her situation, as it was not in mine, no matter how much I wanted it to be.

I got a sep agreement online, paid about 50 bucks for it. He was mad because I had 50 to spend on it.

Finally we sat for a good 3 hours at our kitchen table running through the whole thing. It got to be 11 pm, and we each had a piece of paper for the 'list'

We had been civil all that night, and we met again the next night, at the table.

I had made my list, and it was very fair. He had really made a list... and then some. It was unfair.

All things civil flew out the window.

Taking into consideration that I bought everything in the house for as long as we had been married... no, nothing was taken into consideration. he told me I was lucky he wasn't asking for more.

We sat there arguing. Him telling me that I didn't need this or that.

I was the one to leave, to move out, and he stayed in our house, also a rental.

He kept the kids beds, all appliances, all furniture, everything.

I got my car, the tv, one of the dvd players, dvds, stuff like that.

I kept my computer and everything that went with it, he told me I was lucky he was letting me have that.

The kids and I arrived in our new place with... nothing.

Some one gave us a stove and fridge.

No dining room furniture, only a coffee table in the living room, no beds. None of us.

A few days later I told him I needed my couch back, we had no where to sit.

I took it back.

We split all of the dishes, and things of that sort, his mother came in and removed everything cinderobyn, trashed it out into the carport... saying that 'they' were simplifying their lives... barf.

But we made it. He ended up being a jerk to the landlord, getting the boot, and all of the things that I have bought over the years are in a storage facility... somewhere.

Get a lawyer first. I did this myself, but then wanted to be civil. Mistake.

But in the end... the high road, was the best road, and I still take it, everyday.

Good luck to your sister, and please remember, if she is an abused, battered woman.. she is conditioned. It will be hard for her to realize that she is better that what her life is, hard for her to leave that life, because it is all she knows, and the hurt and pain he caused her, she probably thinks she deserved, and she will have a hard time breaking free.

She has probably thought for a long time it was her, and if there is just something she could do to be better for him...

It takes a while to break free of this mentality, but when she does... she will soar like an eagle.

I did.

[Lillietta]

You do get child support, don't you Cinder? I hope!

[ESFP]

Originally Posted by Lindsey_Mcfarren

You guys are right, never put anything in writing.

Get an attorney, let him do the writing.

Couldn't have said it better. If he needs her concerns written down so he can remember what she wants, something is really wrong. Otherwise, there is someone else who will see that "list".

[Pikantari]

Originally Posted by Lillietta

You do get child support, don't you Cinder? I hope!

Yes I do.. wen't to court last week... ugh, I don't like court... Shouldn't have to go til September again, for the big D

I say I don't like it, but for that I can't wait.. just hope he doesn't make an 'issue' out of it.

Threatened me to contest if I asked for spousal..