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Old 08-17-2015, 02:11 AM
1 posts, read 5,650 times
Reputation: 10


Hi People,

I have no other option but to seek advice here.
I saw a lot of thread in this forum but my circumstance is somewhat different, so here it goes.

I am a 31yr old woman, with an ok job, and ok future and a lot of plan for the years to come. I am married to a guy 4 years older. we have been married for 4 years now and i love him.

There is a lot of problems in my marriage as it is in any, but I am positive most can be fixed except for one and I have no idea how to fix it anymore.

In 5 years, my husband has failed to keep a job. the longest he stayed in one is 8 months. we constantly face financial problems due to his job hopping. we had to even move a country to see if he has better luck elsewhere. and i risked my future when i moved.

He says it is his work environment, the people and sometimes he admits that could be him. (but i don't think he believe it is him)

To be honest I know he can't do a desk job in my opinion, he has way too much ego, he is long winded and he thinks he is amazing at his job (hence the ego), he takes everything, every little question personally and as an attack. But apart from desk job there is nothing else he can do (he always wanted to join the police but to do that there are certain requirement that he doesn't have so it has dawned on him that in his age, it is impossible for him to join - I so badly wish he could as i know he'd be perfect at it)

He has been taking medication to help with his anger management issue (which it has) and the pills were supposed to help with the regularity of job hopping, which hasn't. (he is on anti depressants)

Long story short, I want to start saving (at this point we have 0 saving), plan for a baby and retirement and think about my job needs also, but him not being able to stick to one seems a forever. He himself is suffering from it too but i don't know how to help him. I don't know what to do with him, i don't know anything anymore.

I don't want to leave him, I just want this to stop so I told him to be house husband but i know for a fact i will get frustrated and it won't work out if he becomes one. I won't even be able to financially support both as he may be bad in holding a job but he for sure is/was much better than me in shopping. (he is getting better in resisting the temptation)

what do I do? please help me.
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Old 08-17-2015, 09:10 AM
Location: US
645 posts, read 611,220 times
Reputation: 210
Well not sure if this really a question for this forum to answer.

But looks like the issue is with your husband saying he amazing at his job. Now i am not sure on the circumstances of the job hopping, quit or fired, they are different stuff. If you say he is getting fired most of the time, then i would certainly say, there is some problem with him (sorry to say). Not all employers are bad. Having an ego is not bad, it might be the driving force to step up, too much is a problem and hollow one is even worse!

Sit down and talk to him. That's all i can say. Or a marriage counselor might help.
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Old 08-17-2015, 09:14 AM
35,108 posts, read 40,257,322 times
Reputation: 62056
If you want a real future you need to take a serious look at your life now and figure out if the future you want will happen the way things have been clearly shown the last few years.

PS. ~~. Normal relationships/marriage do not have "lots of issues"
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Old 08-17-2015, 09:29 AM
Location: NoVa
2,126 posts, read 2,911,984 times
Reputation: 2929
OP, you may want to move your post to 'relationship' forum to get more answers.
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Old 08-17-2015, 09:37 AM
16,720 posts, read 14,706,912 times
Reputation: 41128
Originally Posted by helpmeimdrowninghere View Post
he has way too much ego, he is long winded and he thinks he is amazing at his job (hence the ego), he takes everything, every little question personally and as an attack.
Why would you want a baby with this buffoon? His anger management issues will worsen and eventually you & the kid will become his punching bag.

Dump this loser.
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Old 08-17-2015, 01:41 PM
1,260 posts, read 1,930,874 times
Reputation: 1302
I would not bring a baby into this situation. Children can make a bad marriage worse. If you are struggling now, you will struggle ten times more with kids. He needs to go to therapy to fix his issues.
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Old 08-17-2015, 01:50 PM
Location: Herndon, VA
2,086 posts, read 2,110,038 times
Reputation: 7392
I doubt you can change him at this point, and I'm not sure what you expect from CD members other than "You should leave him.", and "Don't have a kid with him!". You need to ask yourself "What type of qualities are important in my spouse?". If one them is "career minded", "hard working", "grounded" or "stable" then why would you stay with him? His "ego" and seeming inability to be managed is nothing more than pure narcissism and not a good quality in a mate. Add anger management issues to him, and what I really have to ask you why you think you love him. To be harsh, I think you may be confused as to what love really is. I realize that his ego makes you think of him as a confident person, and you might find that attractive. But seriously, as a mature adult who is considering children and retirement you need to figure out what's really important in a relationship.

Please do not have a child with him unless you want to raise it with little to no financial support from the father. Ask my wife how that worked out. She is continually frustrated by her ex-husband due to his lack of staying power at any job while she busts her behind to raise her three children with little support from their father. I not only spend more time with them but do more to provide a roof over their head than he ever will. He's currently unemployed, and she gets a whopping $50 a month to help support them. Their school lunches run $300 a month alone. You do the math. I can't tell you how many times I've had to listen to how sorry she is that she ever met the man.
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Old 08-17-2015, 01:57 PM
6,898 posts, read 4,240,290 times
Reputation: 5878
There isn't anything that you can do regarding him keeping a job, from what you have stated you a familiar with his pattern of employment it sounds like it won't be changing any time soon due to him belivieng he is amazing and quite long winded from what you state. I pretty much sounds like you are well acquainted with his patterns now only you know whether you can live with it and it doesn't sound like things will change in the near future. If you can't support a child solely on your income you may want to reconsider starting a family at this time. This is my two cents worth take it with a grain of salt only you can possibly know what the correct answers are just trust your instincts.
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Old 08-17-2015, 02:19 PM
Location: Happy wherever I am - Florida now
3,359 posts, read 10,913,703 times
Reputation: 3843
Anger issues, a big ego, and inability to keep a job are not a good combination. I worry about your eventual safety.

I believe you are living in two different mindsets. You want stability and to go forward in life and he is unable to for whatever reasons of his own. Don't fool yourself and become complacent. Your chances of changing him are less than slim. You might want to reconsider your options to obtain future happiness with a different partner.
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Old 08-17-2015, 04:48 PM
Status: "Hope is last to lose it..." (set 5 hours ago)
5,206 posts, read 8,035,002 times
Reputation: 4269
Consider starting a small business on the side, maybe something online that he can do from home. There are plenty of interesting businesses that can be started with a low budget. Maybe that would be his salvation.

He will be his own boss, what he makes depends on how much effort he puts into the project, and the best part is that he can mold his working environment to his liking. If he can't make that happen, then you know the answer to your problems, even if it hurts.
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