Is it wrong for me to harbor the idea of buying a used car? (marry, men)
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I'm trying to understand what is so unreasonable about this.
Yeah, and I love how Americans start applying labels without understanding social conventions and customs of other nations. Hint for every American - american way isn't necessarily the only one, and not necessarily the best one (at least for this couple).
America doesn't have the highest divorce rate in the world. There are plenty other countries with substantially higher rates (all in Europe).
I've noticed Americans never think that America has any problems. America has one of the highest rates of sexual violence against women, but most American's don't think so. They are all convinced it's Africa or India or the Middle East. No, its America. European countries... any European country that matters. Do not have higher divorce rates than America, they have vastly lower marriage rates than America. Americans get married after three weeks of dating and then divorce 3 years later. And do it again, and maybe again. That simply does not happen anywhere else with similar rates of education and attainment. But this thread is such a window into the hearts and minds of average Americans it should be very instructive, I think.
So much hyperbole, false (and misleading) statistics, and so little time.
This thread has nothing to do with divorce statistics, and little to do with the OP's husband being descendant from Asian culture. (Unless it is an attempt to tell the OP to bury her feelings and desires, and just tow the line because the "husband" says so).
It is about lack of an ability to properly communicate and resolve dissimilar interests within the marriage, which is causing a buildup of resentment and tension which ultimately can threaten the marriage.
Unless it is an attempt to tell the OP to bury her feelings and desires, and just tow the line because the "husband" says so.
I wouldn't say that. She just needs to work a little bit more subtle to get what she wants without creating problems to their marriage.
IMHO, it shouldn't be an open confrontation, but more of a guerrilla war tactics. A guy might be a head of the family, but the woman is the neck and turns the head where she wants.
I wouldn't say that. She just needs to work a little bit more subtle to get what she wants without creating problems to their marriage.
IMHO, it shouldn't be an open confrontation, but more of a guerrilla war tactics. A guy might be a head of the family, but the woman is the neck and turns the head where she wants.
Head of the family?? This isn't 1950. They're both adults and should be able to discuss it as equals without the need for any "tactics".
I've noticed Americans never think that America has any problems. America has one of the highest rates of sexual violence against women, but most American's don't think so. They are all convinced it's Africa or India or the Middle East. No, its America. European countries... any European country that matters. Do not have higher divorce rates than America, they have vastly lower marriage rates than America. Americans get married after three weeks of dating and then divorce 3 years later. And do it again, and maybe again. That simply does not happen anywhere else with similar rates of education and attainment. But this thread is such a window into the hearts and minds of average Americans it should be very instructive, I think.
Lets slow down here a little. America DOES NOT have a higher rate of sexual violence then Africa, India or Middle East. If you want to make that statement then provide a source, and please spare me the feminist sponsored "studies" that have been debunked 100s of times by anyone with a brain.
Head of the family?? This isn't 1950. They're both adults and should be able to discuss it as equals without the need for any "tactics".
It is for them. No matter how americanized they are, they will never be truly americanized, not even their children, probably/maybe their grand children will be. (I'm not a hater btw, and not american myself, and see quite many things differently due to my upbringing, different education, exposure to other societal norms and traditions, and just plain watching non-american movies for my entertainment).
I've noticed Americans never think that America has any problems. America has one of the highest rates of sexual violence against women, but most American's don't think so. They are all convinced it's Africa or India or the Middle East. No, its America. European countries... any European country that matters. Do not have higher divorce rates than America, they have vastly lower marriage rates than America. Americans get married after three weeks of dating and then divorce 3 years later. And do it again, and maybe again. That simply does not happen anywhere else with similar rates of education and attainment. But this thread is such a window into the hearts and minds of average Americans it should be very instructive, I think.
Well, when you are lying about whatever, you can expect pushback. It's more instructive about the liar than it is about the person that's pushing back.
Quote:
Originally Posted by brrabbit
Yeah, and I love how Americans start applying labels without understanding social conventions and customs of other nations. Hint for every American - american way isn't necessarily the only one, and not necessarily the best one (at least for this couple).
You're assuming a lot on your part. I'm Asian American myself and know other women like myself that wouldn't tolerate this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by brrabbit
I wouldn't say that. She just needs to work a little bit more subtle to get what she wants without creating problems to their marriage.
IMHO, it shouldn't be an open confrontation, but more of a guerrilla war tactics. A guy might be a head of the family, but the woman is the neck and turns the head where she wants.
Now you're quoting My Big Fat Greek Wedding?
The OP is asking originally if her position and feelings have merits, and it does.
Lets slow down here a little. America DOES NOT have a higher rate of sexual violence then Africa, India or Middle East. If you want to make that statement then provide a source, and please spare me the feminist sponsored "studies" that have been debunked 100s of times by anyone with a brain.
Africa probably not, but India, yes. Middle East, maybe. Depends on a lot of things. In fact there might be a few African countries with better metrics than America overall. My point is that most Americans are unaware of just where metrics like our divorce rate slot in with the rest of the developed world or the rest of the world overall. I'm not sure it matters. I just mention it because I can. Every day that the o.p. goes without that car is a day with a tiny bit of unresolved marital tension. It's gone on for quite awhile by the sound of it. Not good.
You're assuming a lot on your part. I'm Asian American myself and know other women like myself that wouldn't tolerate this.
Were you born and grown in Asia, or were it your parents (grand-parents) who immigrated? How would your perception be the same, if your husband were born and raised there and insists on some frugality and discussing major purchases with him (and notice, he's not going to casino and gamble "his" money away as well)? If you love the guy and don't want to divorce him (which ain't fun with 2 young kids), you probably would find ways to convince him to change his mind, but won't openly just ignore him.
> Now you're quoting My Big Fat Greek Wedding?
You saw it I love it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inkpoe
The OP is asking originally if her position and feelings have merits, and it does.
The OP asked whether she should just go and buy a car. I was suggesting from the very beginning, that she should find a way to "convince" her husband to agree to it, rather than openly defy him.
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I love it. 
