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Old 08-20-2015, 08:13 PM
 
150 posts, read 172,132 times
Reputation: 305

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She just wasn't that into you. She handled it well.
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Old 08-20-2015, 08:48 PM
 
3,092 posts, read 1,946,425 times
Reputation: 3030
I would have responded to the first text:

"Then why text me?"

With all due respect, I don't think you handled it very well. It's like you totally ignored what she was saying.
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Old 08-23-2015, 05:42 PM
 
Location: Atlanta, GA
328 posts, read 573,248 times
Reputation: 479
You were asking her to commit to a date with lots of interaction that could last for more than 1 hour. She was uncomfortable with that type of meeting and offered a low key "meet & greet" meeting at Starbucks. I think she was interested but was cautious, rightly so with someone she doesn't know. You got upset that she was hesitant and, instead of compromising and meeting her in the middle where she would be most comfortable, you ended all communication. In the words of Claire from Clueless... "That was way harsh!"
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Old 08-23-2015, 05:54 PM
 
6,129 posts, read 6,810,121 times
Reputation: 10821
Quote:
Originally Posted by nightlysparrow View Post
I read it like she wanted more info about you by text before the meet and she said so, but you brushed this aside saying you'd rather talk in person. You wanted things to go your way. So you didn't "hear" her.
Yeah, it seemed like she wanted to do more of a text conversation before actually taking time to meet up in person but the OP saw that as a waste of time and simply cut her off. He did come across as a tad impatient to me, which if I was her I would simply take as proof of our incompatibility and move on. I don't think it was a loss of either of them.

ETA to the OP: I have to add Im not sure how she can be characterized as "beating around the bush" and "wishy washy". She seemed very clear that she wasn't sure you guys were compatible so she'd rather either text or do something low key like Starbucks to find out. It's not like she was coy about it. You just wanted a full blown date to test compatibility and she didn't. Your characterization of your choice of date as "low pressure and easy going" is an opinion that didn't match hers, that's all.

Last edited by Tinawina; 08-23-2015 at 06:21 PM..
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Old 08-23-2015, 05:56 PM
 
Location: LA, CA/ In This Time and Place
5,443 posts, read 4,678,811 times
Reputation: 5122
True, not just relationships but also other things in life.
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Old 08-23-2015, 06:07 PM
 
1,481 posts, read 1,225,614 times
Reputation: 1777
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinawina View Post
Yeah, it seemed like she wanted to do more of a text conversation before actually taking time to meet up in person but the OP saw that as a waste of time and simply cut her off. He did come across as a tad impatient to me, which if I was her I would simply take as proof of our incompatibility and move on. I don't think it was a loss of either of them.

ETA to the OP: I have to add Im not sure how she can be characterized as "beating around the bush" and "wishy washy". She seemed very clear that she wasn't sure you guys were compatible so she'd rather either text or do something low key like Starbucks to find out. It's not like she was coy about it. You just wanted a full blown date test compatibility and she didn't. Your characterization of your choice of date as "low pressure and easy going" is an opinion that didn't match hers, that's all.
I agree with this
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Old 08-23-2015, 07:01 PM
 
Location: Lansing, MI
2,947 posts, read 7,019,987 times
Reputation: 3271
Her responses say a lot:

1. Hi! I don't know if we are a good fit -- meaning: I am naturally polite, and returning your message is what I do out of habit. But, I wasn't really into you.

2. Busy schedule -- From the perspective of outsider: school is just starting and teachers are swamped. You mean to tell me that you can't take into account yes, she really is busy? WTH, dude... you can't get over the fact that she's not dropping every for an outing with you when she is very obviously not sure about you to begin with? By blaming her for "beating around the bush" you're conveying that you all meeting up is 100% her fault here when the reality is you just need to take a seat and soak in what she had to say from her perspective. Maybe take a how-to course in compromise?

2a. Maybe Starbucks?? -- Meaning: I don't really remember being compatible with you, BUT I am willing to give you a chance because I was off my game at the speed dating event like a fish out of water. It wasn't my thing. Here is a second chance to do a meet n greet that I can fit into my schedule that is less of a commitment than a date to see if we did have chemistry.

3. Speed dating was weird -- meaning: my friends / family have been bugging me to get into the dating scene and I have been hesitating. My buddy signed me up for this speed dating thing because she thought it would be fun, low key and get me out of the house. I didn't really enjoy myself and really am not sure I connected with anyone. I probably don't remember much about the people I talked to.




My opinion - you were super pushy and not compromising to meet her in the middle. She gave you key indicators of where she stood, but you were so wrapped up in "taking control of the situation" that you were not really comprehending what she was saying. I think she dodged a bullet.
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Old 08-23-2015, 07:06 PM
 
291 posts, read 273,707 times
Reputation: 265
I feel like she told you she didn't want to date you from the very first message... your response should have been:

"okay, thanks for getting back. take care"
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Old 08-23-2015, 07:13 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,927 posts, read 59,935,627 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by nightlysparrow View Post
I read it like she wanted more info about you by text before the meet and she said so, but you brushed this aside saying you'd rather talk in person. You wanted things to go your way. So you didn't "hear" her.
I agree.

She was cautious, OP was impatient.
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Old 08-23-2015, 07:27 PM
 
Location: Avignon, France
11,159 posts, read 7,961,718 times
Reputation: 28962
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
I agree.

She was cautious, OP was impatient.
Word!
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