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OP, you're basically stuck unless you decide to go with or without him. I always used to wonder how find them selves in the middle of these homicide/suicides but Im realizing people just ignored signs.
You seem like you did the same. So its either stay and be miserable or make an ultimatum. But neither one provides a pretty ending. Are you willing to stay in NYC until, well I dont know what you look like now, but you may get old and hagard and all used up waiting around while your male options become slim. Its a tough choice
Even if he decided to go 10 years from now, thats still 10 years wasted.
And I'd forget the counselor. Thats another modern day money making scam like funerals, and big weddings. Things that used to be free and until somebody got wise
These decisions should be made as a team, bottom line. My wife makes more than me, it's no big deal. I'm secure enough to accept it. When we were dating, l left my mommy and my family and friends to be with her while she attended grad school. I busted my ass at a job I hated working 60 hours a week to support her while she got her PhD.
After she finished her degree, we moved back to our home state of NY and lived in Manhattan for 7 years, fulfilling a lifelong dream for both of us. Having grown up in the area though, we knew that NYC had a shelf life of about 5 years and we were ready to start a family, so we left our families, again.
I love where we live now and the cost of living is reasonable enough that we could afford to purchase a second home for my wife's family to live in. This is our last stop.
And for those saying this is a Latin thing, I'm Latino with a Puerto Rican mom to prove it. When I married my wife, she became my family and all of my decisions are made with our well being in mind. It's me and her against the world, family included.
I know .. I hear nonstop about their culture. His mom cannot even be bothered to learn fluent English after being in the USA 25 years and askedMY mom why she doesn't learn Spanish because she became frustrated trying to talk to her ..
I'm so sick of hearing about this culture where people come here and refuse to adapt but expect you to.
To each their own. They can keep their culture but it's not my culture and that's not news.
We aren't in Colombia.
Oh just stop right there....you are just looking for and making excuses. Really....cut the guy loose..he's probably not perfect and probably is too attached to his family...but you bringing in stuff like thus...on top on the money...on top of everything else....your have no interest in anything but getting your way.
Best of luck, but I would take NYC over San Diego any day, and I have extensive experience with both cities.
I do not think it is at all reasonable for you to say "I'm leaving," but I also don't think it is reasonable for him to just dismiss your wishes and concerns.
Forget about the money aspect and the "I make more than him" argument, because that isn't fair and isn't how a marriage, a partnership, should work. It wasn't fair 60 years ago when most men made more than their wives, and it isn't fair now when many women make more than their husbands.
Marriage really is a partnership and both spouses should have equal say, regardless of income. What if you are paralyzed tomorrow in a car accident and all of your "income" is gone? It happens every day to people and any of us could have it happen tomorrow.
You two need to have some serious conversations and get on the same page. Yes, he is going to have to give a little, but you are also going to have to swallow your pride.
Let him know that you have compromised your own wishes to this point and expect him to honor his promise. Rent an apartment in San Diego for a year and tell him now is the time for him to try California before the kids get too old. You have waited long enough. If you don't push it it's never going to happen.
It would do him good to get out from under his mother's thumb for a while. If he refuses go without him or live like this forever.
Best of luck, but I would take NYC over San Diego any day, and I have extensive experience with both cities.
I do not think it is at all reasonable for you to say "I'm leaving," but I also don't think it is reasonable for him to just dismiss your wishes and concerns.
Forget about the money aspect and the "I make more than him" argument, because that isn't fair and isn't how a marriage, a partnership, should work. It wasn't fair 60 years ago when most men made more than their wives, and it isn't fair now when many women make more than their husbands.
Marriage really is a partnership and both spouses should have equal say, regardless of income. What if you are paralyzed tomorrow in a car accident and all of your "income" is gone? It happens every day to people and any of us could have it happen tomorrow.
You two need to have some serious conversations and get on the same page. Yes, he is going to have to give a little, but you are also going to have to swallow your pride.
I agree but his reasoning for not leaving before was that he made more than me 😳
That didn't last for long once I finished school and I did have a large savings to live off.
So now I make more.. The thing he used against me before in order to stay.. Now what?
Let him know that you have compromised your own wishes to this point and expect him to honor his promise. Rent an apartment in San Diego for a year and tell him now is the time for him to try California before the kids get too old. You have waited long enough. If you don't push it it's never going to happen.
It would do him good to get out from under his mother's thumb for a while. If he refuses go without him or live like this forever.
I was afraid to hear this as it's what I've concluded but it looks like it has come down to this.
And with our salary we can also move to California. Why does it have to be NYC at this point? I'm trying so hard to be fair but the only answer I'm reading is about him having his
Life here.. Not compelling.
I guess as business hits half a million and up after all the hard work and success I should stay put in a place im miserable bc like most NYC guys my husband is too big a baby to move? That's what life is all about?
If it was a woman pulling this you guys would crucify her. I can tell by th undertones here that a lot of men do NOT like that I do well but let me make you feel better by telling you I'm self made and went thru years of horribly abusive relationships, homelessness, bad credit and mental and psychology anguish to be where I am today with zero encouragement or support from anyone.
I was dirt poor and a 10 year story in the making to get where I am today so to all the men with complexes, please step aside. I cannot even take your replies seriously anymore.
Stop cowardly hiding behind being a woman. If it was a woman pulling this nothing nobody on this thread could say could make her move.
I understand you are looking for sympathy but no amount of sympathy here is going to change your husband's mind.
You want to put all the blame on him, but the bottom line is you got married and had children to a man in a place where you apparently had no intention of staying long term. You don't want to take responsibility for putting yourself in this situation. Nobody made you get married to and nobody made you carry your husband's kids to term.
And no one is preventing you from getting a divorce. But complainers and drama queens just like to carry drama out indefinitely. That is all.
Let him know that you have compromised your own wishes to this point and expect him to honor his promise. Rent an apartment in San Diego for a year and tell him now is the time for him to try California before the kids get too old. You have waited long enough. If you don't push it it's never going to happen.
It would do him good to get out from under his mother's thumb for a while. If he refuses go without him or live like this forever.
How do you know he is under his mother's thumb? The OP is an unhappy, jealous person.
There is nothing wrong with someone wanting to live near their family and according to the OP he lived in Canada for two years.
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