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^^^ This!! Shocked or not, I would WANT to know. I would crack some joke about a second round, or something. But... we still know very little about this encounter. Was it during a day, a quickie during a lunch break? Early evening - perhaps he had plans to go to out for dinner? A night - after dinner or bar hopping?
^^^ This is very possible. Freaked out? Some people do not feel confident when naked (is he shy?), and he thought you would feel the same? Obviously he decided that you two are done with the sex part (kinda weird), so he got dressed and got your stuff ready too (this is weird! a panty sniffer? )
Still, it could be acceptable during a day, or early evening, but not at night.
I think, I need more details before I judge him...
It was very late at night (around 1 am).
He was a bit shy in terms of personality, but I didn't get the sense that he was shy in the physical sense.
I've already outlined the reasons I keep pointing this out. It's not my fault if you can't grasp it.
OP even came back and admitted in post #122 that there were higher emotional stakes tied to this encounter because she had not been with anyone for years and had not found anyone worthy of sleeping with. There are a half-dozen different ways she could have handled this situation, but the way SHE chose reveals some self-worth issues that she needs to reconcile if she's going to continue dating.
It's all right there, if you TAKE SOME TIME to think about it.
We get what you're saying, but we disagree.
There are a half-dozen ways HE could have handled the situation, but the fact is that HE made it all awkward and weird, didn't communicate anything, and made HER feel bad. If you are dating someone for a month and decide to have sex because you feel like things are moving in a good direction, that means there is emotional investment. She has a right to her feelings, and I agree with her. He is either a jerk, a weirdo, or just completely inexperienced, but regardless of which one it is, he's the one who made her feel bad, and he's the one in the wrong, not the OP.
So she had "higher emotional stakes" tied to this - my question is...SO? I have high emotional stakes when I sleep with someone because I don't sleep around. I hardly think that is somehow a flaw in my character.
Should there have been better communication between the OP and the guy about what the sex meant? Maybe, probably. But she still didn't do anything wrong. She got up to go to the bathroom and he ruined the moment.
Yes, it was rather quick (more like 5 minutes), but these things happen so I would never judge based on one occasion.
He was already dressed and standing next to the bed when I came back into the bedroom, and no he didn't orchestrate my getting dressed.
The night I lost my virginity I lasted about 30 seconds if not less. Exceedingly embarrassed. I got out of there pretty quick. OP, you made no mention of this guy's age (if you did, I missed it). In their teens and even early 20's, I think most guys tend to be "slam, bam, thank you ma'am" and not so much out of choice. Slowing down and taking time takes practice!
This makes no sense. The jerk only lasts 5 minutes, and it's somehow HER fault? It would only be her "fault" if she was just so damn hot he couldn't last any longer. Lol, whatever guys.
I never said "it was her fault". What I said was...she should not be so crazy upset over it. I really couldn't understand why she was....I mean the guy was a douchebag. Move on already.
But with the background....NOW we see. She's not been with anyone in years.
I never said "it was her fault". What I said was...she should not be so crazy upset over it. I really couldn't understand why she was....I mean the guy was a douchebag. Move on already.
But with the background....NOW we see. She's not been with anyone in years.
Next time read my post.
Love it when people on here tell others how they "should" feel, haha cracks me up!
Different individuals, handle things differently, there's no right or wrong way to feel about something, why is this so hard for some people to understand!
OP is entitled to her feelings, lets stop chastising her for them.
There are a half-dozen ways HE could have handled the situation, but the fact is that HE made it all awkward and weird, didn't communicate anything, and made HER feel bad. If you are dating someone for a month and decide to have sex because you feel like things are moving in a good direction, that means there is emotional investment. She has a right to her feelings, and I agree with her. He is either a jerk, a weirdo, or just completely inexperienced, but regardless of which one it is, he's the one who made her feel bad, and he's the one in the wrong, not the OP.
So she had "higher emotional stakes" tied to this - my question is...SO? I have high emotional stakes when I sleep with someone because I don't sleep around. I hardly think that is somehow a flaw in my character.
Should there have been better communication between the OP and the guy about what the sex meant? Maybe, probably. But she still didn't do anything wrong. She got up to go to the bathroom and he ruined the moment.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bebe182
Love it when people on here tell others how they "should" feel, haha cracks me up!
Different individuals, handle things differently, there's no right or wrong way to feel about something, why is this so hard for some people to understand!
OP is entitled to her feelings, lets stop chastising her for them.
Deeper thought is required to get this concept.
Her feelings are not wrong, and that has been acknowledged and stated here. Learning not to be REACTIVE helps reframe your feelings, though, and can make interpersonal relationships even better.
Usually, feelings are formed by thoughts. She needs to learn to trust her emotions, of course, but she also needs to regulate her damaging thoughts that are making her feel invalidated. As we have seen here, those feelings can EASILY be made worse by the careless words or actions of others.
Love it when people on here tell others how they "should" feel, haha cracks me up!
Different individuals, handle things differently, there's no right or wrong way to feel about something, why is this so hard for some people to understand!
OP is entitled to her feelings, lets stop chastising her for them.
You post such stuff on a public forum, you are gonna get input. I gave my honest thoughts. As I always do. Which apparently, you did not even bother to read. Maybe you should read again and stop putting words in my mouth?
You are entitled to post yours as well as everyone else is.
Last edited by ChessieMom; 08-28-2015 at 09:41 AM..
He was a bit shy in terms of personality, but I didn't get the sense that he was shy in the physical sense.
Okay this pretty much puts things in perspective. He only wanted sex and did not want you to get the wrong idea that he wanted more with you. Therefor he sat your clothes out for you because he wanted to make it clear he did not want you to spend the night or linger around for cuddling, talking, which would indeed give the impression that he's interested in developing a relationship with you.
I know it sucks the way he did things but to him he thinks he did the right thing because he doesn't want to lead you on. For the future do not stay at a man's house that late at night if you're not already in a committed relationship and will be spending the night.
Unfortunately you presented yourself as a goodtime girl and that's how he treated you. Not blaming you but you have to learn the bases of respecting yourself so men will in turn respect you.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shysister
Unfortunately you presented yourself as a goodtime girl and that's how he treated you. Not blaming you but you have to learn the bases of respecting yourself so men will in turn respect you.
They were dating a month! There is NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING goodtime girl about that!!
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