Active guy dating inactive girl. (spouse, friends, versus, meaning)

[CaptObvious53]

Originally Posted by Liberty2011

Not to be a downer but going to extreme lengths to exercise won't necessarily ward off health issues and death.

My goal in increasing my activity level even higher in the last year was not to extend my own life nor ward off disease. It was merely to move towards completing some life goals (multi day backpacking trips and cycling a century) while I knew I was still young and healthy.

Originally Posted by gentlearts

I know a married couple like this. After a few kids, the rift has grown wider. Now, they don't really share any common interests. He goes off biking or hiking or running marathons, etc. while she stays home with the kids getting more and more resentful.

I road cycle with a group of predominately older guys and there are a couple guys there who have told me about their wives who refuse to do any type of physical activity. They obviously aren't thrilled about it, but they have kids and have been married a long time, they've figure out how to live with it.

Originally Posted by NoDoubt1993

I honestly don't mean to offend you, but your post comes across as very....selfish. It's all about you and YOUR interests, and what she's doing to you. What about HER interests? Do you take part in her interests and do things to support her? You say you love her and have a great emotional bond, and yet you'd throw that away because she doesn't want to (and now medically CANNOT) do strenuous outdoor activities with you? Again...selfish. Do her a favor and end things so that she can find someone who truly loves her, knows how to compromise, and accepts who she is and her limitations.

No offense taken. I believe dating involves a bit of selfishness. I always viewed the initial stages of dating as seeing where the two parties' interests and personalities converge without any accommodation. If it requires too much round peg/square hole (there will always be some) then that means your not compatible and should move on. Once you're together longer (I don't know where that line is drawn) then I expect more accommodation towards each other.

Originally Posted by aliwalas

Just imagine, marrying an active woman and having those super active family. I know a couple of families that does marathons together. One of them is a family of 5 (still elementary aged kids), the other family, the 'kids' are already in college. One of my friend went hiking with her mom some time ago and said she couldn't keep up with her. Her parents used to backpack a lot (my friend is 25) and to this day, they still go camping on a regular basis.

Thank for you for the story. I always wanted to be that kind of family, if I had kids. My parents were couch potatoes and it did me no favors growing up. That's a whole nother story though.

Originally Posted by cindersslipper

OP's girlfriend may have a heart the size of Texas, but she's not suitable because she doesn't like hiking? Seriously people???

I believe you're probably right. Objectively it makes sense that we look at someone's character attributes over their hobbies and interests. That doesn't change the fact that a texas size heart doesn't fill the hours and hours of physical time you have to spend together. I wonder what couples do that don't have much in common.

[CaptObvious53]

I had a heart to heart the other night with my girlfriend. I told her the lack of having any active type activities we could do together was a definitely issue and I had been thinking if it made sense for us to continue dating. We had discussed the issue a couple months prior, but I don't think it was viewed as being terribly important.

She said she didn't realize it was so important to me and was willing to give some new activities a try. The day after we talked she had told me a few different activities she thought she might be interested in and perhaps we could start doing a class together and get started. She mentioned being possibly interested in cycling and rock climbing, which was a little surprising since she flat out told me in the past that she would never rock climb due to being scared of heights.

I told her I was willing to try new activities too, tennis, stand up paddle boarding, whatever else might interest her.

Anyways, I am a hair leery if this will stick, but it means a lot that she is willing to at least try. I'm going to stick it out and see where things go from here.

[Teckeeee]

Originally Posted by CaptObvious53

I had a heart to heart the other night with my girlfriend. I told her the lack of having any active type activities we could do together was a definitely issue and I had been thinking if it made sense for us to continue dating. We had discussed the issue a couple months prior, but I don't think it was viewed as being terribly important.

She said she didn't realize it was so important to me and was willing to give some new activities a try. The day after we talked she had told me a few different activities she thought she might be interested in and perhaps we could start doing a class together and get started. She mentioned being possibly interested in cycling and rock climbing, which was a little surprising since she flat out told me in the past that she would never rock climb due to being scared of heights.

I told her I was willing to try new activities too, tennis, stand up paddle boarding, whatever else might interest her.

Anyways, I am a hair leery if this will stick, but it means a lot that she is willing to at least try. I'm going to stick it out and see where things go from here.

Thanks for the update, it's nice to see that at least..........she is saying.......she will give it a try and good you are willing to compromise.

When I was married I liked mountain biking and was ok my wife never could due to knee injuries but she compromised in other areas.........

and I like your previous point that initially dating is "selfish" and makes sense to see if you are really compatible.

[jade408]

As some who likes cycling but not racing, please let her interest dictate the rides you go on and the bike she gers. Don't get her a road bike because that is what you like. Rent some different types of bikes together and do a low stress route to see how she feels.

Biking to beunch or the farmers market is a great way to start.

** i have many a friend who wants to take up cycling with their roadie SO and it doesn't work because the SO chooses the bike, doesn't listen and they end up hating bikes.

[BirdieBelle]

Originally Posted by CaptObvious53

She said she didn't realize it was so important to me and was willing to give some new activities a try. The day after we talked she had told me a few different activities she thought she might be interested in and perhaps we could start doing a class together and get started. She mentioned being possibly interested in cycling and rock climbing, which was a little surprising since she flat out told me in the past that she would never rock climb due to being scared of heights.

Good luck.

[ellie]

Originally Posted by CaptObvious53

I had a heart to heart the other night with my girlfriend. I told her the lack of having any active type activities we could do together was a definitely issue and I had been thinking if it made sense for us to continue dating. We had discussed the issue a couple months prior, but I don't think it was viewed as being terribly important.

She said she didn't realize it was so important to me and was willing to give some new activities a try. The day after we talked she had told me a few different activities she thought she might be interested in and perhaps we could start doing a class together and get started. She mentioned being possibly interested in cycling and rock climbing, which was a little surprising since she flat out told me in the past that she would never rock climb due to being scared of heights.

I told her I was willing to try new activities too, tennis, stand up paddle boarding, whatever else might interest her.

Anyways, I am a hair leery if this will stick, but it means a lot that she is willing to at least try. I'm going to stick it out and see where things go from here.

Weight training is as good for women as it is for men. If she's interested in sharing more activities, perhaps you should pay for a trainer for a few months to get her started? It will prevent injuries and help her gain confidence in her body. My husband got me started with this and I'm grateful for it, because it's a valuable life skill.

Couples need to share some outside interests and you're right to agree to explore activities that she enjoys. Hiking is good for couples because it allows time for communication and gives few reasons to fight, unlike canoeing, which is a real test of compatibility.

I dragged my husband out of the house yesterday to attend an art event, which is one of my interests he agreed to expand his participation into. Surprisingly, he had a great time and actually bought something for our collection.

So congrats on taking steps in communication and compromise. You're headed in the right direction.

[beweirdess]

Originally Posted by CaptObvious53

The lack of being able to do anything active together is really something that I feel like is "missing" from our relationship. I'm definitely losing interest slowly over time and I feel my connection with her is fading.

I think you should go with your gut feeling here. It is a noble thing that you want to make it work, but it's not worth suppressing your feelings and instincts thinking that it's OK to ignore your natural drives to keep a relationship going. Feelings are facts. You may be able to hide them for a 1,2,3 years with the best intentions; you may even be able to fake enjoyment and convince yourself that you should focus on what you have, not on what you don't have. But believe me, at one point, if the relationship lasts long enough, you won't be able to suppress your needs anymore. I speak from experience.

Just be honest with yourself and her. If an active life is what you need to feel alive, then say it as it is. You can tell your GF that you fear that compromising on this in the future will make you and your relationship unhappy and you wouldn't want to risk that.

I should have told my husband from the very beginning that I am a crazy ***** who likes spontaneity, dancing, traveling, sex, novelty and doing things 100% or not at all, and I shouldn't have ignored my natural drive. Instead, since he was an educated, balanced, responsible guy, who'd make a good, reliable husband, i tried to turn myself into a good wife. And I acted normal, and cooked, and cleaned, and was a gracious host, and a good daughter-in-law, and he was happy. But the more time passes, the more I am dying inside, and I am afraid that this will all blow one day and I will run away.

Don't force yourself to like something you know deep inside you don't. Life's too short.

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by beweirdess

I should have told my husband from the very beginning that I am a crazy ***** who likes spontaneity, dancing, traveling, sex, novelty and doing things 100% or not at all, and I shouldn't have ignored my natural drive. Instead, since he was an educated, balanced, responsible guy, who'd make a good, reliable husband, i tried to turn myself into a good wife. And I acted normal, and cooked, and cleaned, and was a gracious host, and a good daughter-in-law, and he was happy. But the more time passes, the more I am dying inside, and I am afraid that this will all blow one day and I will run away.

Sounds like the worst prison in the world.

[newdixiegirl]

Originally Posted by timberline742

Sounds like the worst prison in the world.

It is.

[arleigh]

Move on
Personal experience , it doesn't work.
Find some one that cares about their health as much as you do.
Children tend to swing toward the worst of our natures ,something you don't need to fight with in the future.