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When relationships are shiny and new, you're more inclined to overlook differences and incompatibilities and think that you'll inevitably work through them. Sometimes those differences are irreconcilable, and a couple comes to the conclusion that those differences outweigh all of the good things in their relationship.
I've found with my relationships that went bad, that something was wrong in the beginning or something changed.
For example, one relationship that I had that appeared good, but wasn't was one where there was no real love from my SO. While I know I was in love, I think I was only liked at best (not really loved). And in the end, the reason this person was attracted to me wasn't for love or for me, but for what I could do for them (money and influence). In the beginning, they were able to keep up the lie, but in time, things wore down, that fundamental lie from the beginning was uncovered, and the relationship (which appeared good) fell apart because it wasn't.
Then there are the ones where things are true in the beginning, but things changed and people changed from what they were. For example, the relationship I had in my freshman year in college was great and we were a wonderful fit at first. But we were both very young and college was a new chapter in life that changed us both... just slightly. We grew, but in different directions and we really didn't "click" anymore as our lives diverged. As they say, we grew apart.
I am sure there are dozens of other reasons too, but I am just pulling these two examples from my own experience.
Too much work. Loss of attention. Different goals. A fight you never really recover from. Change of appearance (extreme weight gain/loss). Too much time with the buddies or hobbies in general.
[CENTER]Most people get married believing a myth that marriage is beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for; Companionship, intimacy, friendship etc ... The truth is, that marriage at the start is an empty box, you must put something in before you can take anything out. There is no love in marriage, love is in people, and people put love in marriage. There is no romance in marriage, you have to infuse it into your marriage. A couple must learn the art, and form the habit of giving, loving, serving, praising, of keeping the box full. If you take out more than you put in, the box will be empty.
Are you getting involved because you were asked to? Perhaps the couple just decided after getting to know one another that they simply were not right for one another.
So many people get into loved one's business because they are curious and also because they are trying to "help". I know my mom took my breakup with my ex almost as bad as my ex did. If your loved one is all that concerned about what happened why doesn't he open an account on here (or another board) and do a posting. In other words, does he know about and will he welcome you showing him these comments about his personal business like you said you were going to do?
If he asked you to help, Bless your heart, OP. I surely wouldn't want to get involved in a relative's romantic relationship/problems. Because if my relative ended up getting more hurt feelings and going through more emotional pain, I think I would blame myself.
Rose ... both parties have somewhat confided in me to certain degrees. I definitely do not want to get involved but I care for them. At their ages (48/52), they can be stubborn ... I think communication is the"issue".
I know neither one would ever open an account on a site like this. So, I started this thread to get comments. I plan to send them a link to this thread after more comments develop ....the proverbial leading a horse to water.
I've found with my relationships that went bad, that something was wrong in the beginning or something changed.
For example, one relationship that I had that appeared good, but wasn't was one where there was no real love from my SO. While I know I was in love, I think I was only liked at best (not really loved). And in the end, the reason this person was attracted to me wasn't for love or for me, but for what I could do for them (money and influence). In the beginning, they were able to keep up the lie, but in time, things wore down, that fundamental lie from the beginning was uncovered, and the relationship (which appeared good) fell apart because it wasn't.
.
This is a very common theme in my last 3-4 relationships.
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