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I'm a 54 year old divorced man. Girlfriend (48) of 2+ years has recently told me that she feels that we should stop seeing each other.
Both of us are deeply in love with each other. IMO, we possess all the attributes of a good relationship (get along great, good communication, intimacy has always been high, laugh alot, do things together, travel, get along with her daughters, etc, etc). At our ages, we have baggage but no real issues.
Even though, I have stated clearly and with definite certainty .... that I want her in my life .... I want to take care of her .... I would do anything for her .... BUT she foresees an uncertain future because as she says "all women want security".
I have alimony/child support obligations .... and she wonders whether I will be able to truly "take care" of her and "satisfy her needs". My reply has always been .... I have never failed in my life (marriage excluded) and I do not plan to start now. If I said I will take care of you....I will take care of you. How much more security do you want??
In her divorce, even though she has 2 teenage daughters, she did not ask for alimony / child support. She is gainfully employed, and owns a home....but money is a little tight.
It has been a rollercoaster recently .... one day all is ok. Example, she bought new sheets for my bed as part of my re-decoration and then "we tried them out". The next day ...BOOM....something will trigger her doubts about us.
My one pet peeve about my GF .... she is "old school" (the type that expects a man to do all the manly things, would never ask a guy out, etc). She does not want to ask me for things or help. Even after 2+ years, I have told her that she should NEVER hesitate to ask me for anything. I have NEVER said no to her in all this time....hence my frustration.
Last thing, pet peeve #2....GF has said several times, it is her problem. She feels that maybe she is NOT SUITED to be in any relationship. (To other women on this site, does this make sense??)
Asking other women on this site .... am I crazy to continue hitting my head against the wall? Should I simply dump and run? I am fit, handsome, educated and somewhat financially secured....and obviously, not afraid of making a comittment.
My instincts say NO .... I want to "help" her whatever she is going through but should I give up and move on.
I might be totally wrong here, but another possibility, at 48, she could be going through pre-menopuse (mood swings--you say you are both still very much in love and that it's suddenly like a roller coaster--are a common symtom). And we are talking about hormones surround sex drive and I suppose attraction. If that's the case, it could be temporary and even treatable. Although I don't know how you would go about asking her to look into it.
Any possible chance she could have a fear of commitment?
When will your child support obligations be over? It sounds like she's making excuses. If her money's tight, why did she buy new sheets for your bed? Sheets are expensive!
OP, she's not making sense. And it sounds like she's getting cold feet. Either that, or there's a problem in her mind that she hasn't communicated to you. So sorry this is happening to you, but it seems there's not much you can do. For whatever reason, she has doubts in her mind. It sounds like that's her problem, not anything you're causing by your behavior.
What she means when she says "maybe she is NOT SUITED to be in any relationship" it means she doesn't really want to be in one with you. Then of course she wants to break up. It takes more than communication and getting along and commitment, a LOT more. You say you're both in love but it just doesn't seem like she is. There should be many women out there who can't wait to be your girlfriend.
I might be totally wrong here, but another possibility, at 48, she could be going through pre-menopuse (mood swings--you say you are both still very much in love and that it's suddenly like a roller coaster--are a common symtom). And we are talking about hormones surround sex drive and I suppose attraction. If that's the case, it could be temporary and even treatable. Although I don't know how you would go about asking her to look into it.
WOW
Never thought of that!!
On second thought, she has mentioned and I have seen several other things happening which may not be related; such as, hair loss (she has long hair and losing dozens of strands daily), more frequent headaches, gets extremely tired after 11pm.
On second thought, she has mentioned and I have seen several other things happening which may not be related; such as, hair loss (she has long hair and losing dozens of strands daily), more frequent headaches, gets extremely tired after 11pm.
The whole TAKING CARE thingy - is that financially?
Is she tight with money and wants you to marry her and pay her bills? I might be totally wrong but you mentioned the TAKING CARE comment just a little too often.
What do you even mean with that? WHEN will you TAKE CARE of her? Tomorrow? When you marry? When she is broke? I don't get it, why do you keep promising it to her and what is the time frame or the contingency that comes with it??
What she means when she says "maybe she is NOT SUITED to be in any relationship" it means she doesn't really want to be in one with you. Then of course she wants to break up. It takes more than communication and getting along and commitment, a LOT more. You say you're both in love but it just doesn't seem like she is. There should be many women out there who can't wait to be your girlfriend.
Thanks for your feedback. But, maybe I'm in denial....but why does she continues to be that great GF in every way possible then the next day nothing. Part of her doubt of saying that she is not suited to be in any relationship stems from the fact (IMO).....that she has had 2 boyfriends as a teenager, moved away from home, lived with her uncle while attending college....met her future husband and married within 5 months....22 years later...divorced and met me within a few months of her divorce.
It sounds like she feels you are not "take charge" enough, and she doesn't feel you give enough of a vibe of competence or leadership or something else she desires from a man (I have to admit I like to have the male be the leader, too, I like old school take the lead guys).
Maybe it's not just the amount of your obligations, maybe she feels you made poor decisions or owe that much because you caved against your ex or something...we really need to know more about whether she feels you are trustworthy to make good decisions.
I felt this way about my last LTR of 3 years. I loved many things about him, but so many times I had to argue with myself to stay, because part of me deep down knew he wasn't really "the one" for me because I didn't feel safe with him, I didn't feel he was good with people skills or commons sense and that made me feel scared that I would have to be in charge in a crisis.
I am just guessing of course, but this is what your post brought up for me. I think your gf was probably not really happy for awhile.
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