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Actually I would have loved for it to have been like in the beginning as well, but in the beginning the relationship seemed to be unscripted and fairly equal. As it progressed an increasing amount of control seems to have emerged, and in hindsight it seems as though this was somewhat planned (or "suggested") by her ever-meddling mother. Sorry, but when things become essentially obligatory, where's the "excitement". She certainly never catered to any of my "fantasies" in an effort to keep my attention an excitement "alive" (no, I don't mean sexual).
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Originally Posted by rosebyanothername
I take this a different way.....
To me, if I were to say this to a man I was involved with for a length of time it means I want the keep the excitement alive in our relationship and want it to feel as "fresh" as in the beginning. I want you to think of me in the same way you did when we first met and to look at me as you did in the beginning of our relationship--worth the effort of going to the extra trouble of letting me know how special I am to you as you are to me....to pursue me for the rest of our lives together, as I would like to pursue you.
Let's face it, how many more relationships would work if more people felt like this?
You probably are better off at this point to think the way you do. She's gone.
OP, I haven't met any woman who is OK with not being chased at any point during a relationship. In a moment of truth I said the same thing to my husband, and it bothered me that he dismissed what I told him, suggesting that my expectations are too high and that in a long term relationship I should settle for the old boring kind of love, which to him is apparently normal. The way I see it is that he's taking me for granted and he thinks that once I said YES he can relax and get lazy, gain weight, ignore me and only grab my boob or butt when HE feels like it, without regard to my needs.
Be grateful that your GF was honest with you and had the conversation and told you what bothers her. The next step if nothing changes would be that she starts looking around, because there are probably other men out there who will show her more attention and interest than you are. And the next step after that depends on each woman's decision on whether she can live with cheating or not.
Call it stupid all you want, but a woman has the PERMANENT need to feel that her partner appreciates her, wants her, sees her beautiful and actively shows love to her. She got in a relationship with you because of all your efforts to impress her, because of your tenderness, your flowers, your surprises, etc. She did not get in a relationship with you because she couldn't wait to see you laying on the couch eating, ignoring the fact that she's around and taking her for granted. A lot of men think that this is a normal evolution of a relationship; although it may be common, it is not what women expect and want.
Would you want a GF who stops taking care of herself once married? who gains weight, burps/farts publicly, spends all time in front of the TV, while telling you "but honey, deep in my soul you know I love you". That's now how it works. A good relationship is one in which neither side lowers their standards, and none of them gets too comfortable and stops chasing the other.
I am very seriously considering divorce at this point. It is a primary need of mine to feel wanted and loved; to be taken for granted- I don't need a husband for that; i can get a roommate.
OP, I haven't met any woman who is OK with not being chased at any point during a relationship. In a moment of truth I said the same thing to my husband, and it bothered me that he dismissed what I told him, suggesting that my expectations are too high and that in a long term relationship I should settle for the old boring kind of love, which to him is apparently normal. The way I see it is that he's taking me for granted and he thinks that once I said YES he can relax and get lazy, gain weight, ignore me and only grab my boob or butt when HE feels like it, without regard to my needs.
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I am very seriously considering divorce at this point. It is a primary need of mine to feel wanted and loved; to be taken for granted- I don't need a husband for that; i can get a roommate.
As a guy I say thank you. You bring up interesting and relevant points. Not sure OP falls into the above category but he should recognize that need to be appreciated and romanced in his partner and perhaps his lack of resolve in providing it.
Any relationship moves in the direction you describe after a number of years - although not everyone's idea of a good time is eating Doritos on the couch in front of the TV. Marriage like life can be tough. I would hope that you have expressed such points to your husband (sans the insulting baggage about slovenly habits) before you pull any triggers.
FRom what you posted, I think you made the right decision. You're right, after 2 years a relationship should be give and take, going both ways. Sounds like she wanted courtship behavior for the rest of her life. That's a woman who might never be happy, and always looking for someone to chase her. Those are out there. I dated one years ago.
To me, if I were to say this to a man I was involved with for a length of time it means I want the keep the excitement alive in our relationship and want it to feel as "fresh" as in the beginning. I want you to think of me in the same way you did when we first met and to look at me as you did in the beginning of our relationship--worth the effort of going to the extra trouble of letting me know how special I am to you as you are to me....to pursue me for the rest of our lives together, as I would like to pursue you.
Let's face it, how many more relationships would work if more people felt like this?
I agree.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be chased, as long as you are willing to "chase" your partner as well. It has to work both ways. One person can't always do the chasing.
But for a long-term relationship to work, there has to be an understanding that, while you may still participate in the chasing behavior, you've both "caught" each other.
'I want to be chased', translation: I want you to continuously feed my ego with no guarantee of any noteworthy payout for you.
I see it as "why aren't you romantic anymore?" which is a very common complaint from women in LTR's. It's like with some guys, once they have you they stop trying, start farting in front of you, don't take you on dates anymore, don't compliment, seduce, all that.
I would not say ego, but I would say women in a LTR do still need validation that you love us and find us desirable. I think regardless it should be discussed. It is stupid to me to wonder what she meant when he could have just asked her to clarify her feelings.
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