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Heyyy guys. Soo I've put myself in this position. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a month and it's been good. I recently called him out on not attending school this semester and we go into a semi argument about it nothing huge. But I told him I would have revaluate our situation because I'm in a different point in my life. Not to pat myself on the back but I work really hard and things are following through for me. And I just want him to be working on himself as well. Well I kind of gave him an ultimatum (sort of)…and told him I'll hit him up after I thought about what we should do. And he thought I was fibbing. He was the last to text and I really didn't hit him up for 4 days and neither did he. I texted him yesterday saying I miss him so we could talk and he hasn't responded to me. I know it's only been one day but have I screwed this up for good?
No you haven't screwed it up. You have to be willing to follow thru with this. Stick with your ultimatum, because ultimately do you want a man who doesn't have even close to the same goals? He wasn't all in so you're better off. Though, keep in mind that ultimatums aren't going to "work" on those whom you've only dated for a month.
If you were honest about what you said...then it doesn't sound like much of an ultimatum...just you need to think about if his not going to school is a deal breaker for you.
If this bothers him....it's probably a good thing that it's cooling off....because it sounds like you have different goals. He may be a great guy overall....but he just might not be the guy for you.
I think ultimatums in a relationship generally don't end up well. It may force someone to do something once or even twice but the underlying problem/issue remains unresolved; change precipitated under threat rather than by intent to improve the relationship.
In this case, it is a one month relationship. There isn't really much invested by either party..... I don't think you have screwed it up at all. You have incompatibilities. The good news is that you are young and there will be another boyfriend.
No you haven't screwed it up. You have to be willing to follow thru with this. Stick with your ultimatum, because ultimately do you want a man who doesn't have even close to the same goals? He wasn't all in so you're better off. Though, keep in mind that ultimatums aren't going to "work" on those whom you've only dated for a month.
You are totally correct idk why I pulled that with only a month invested. And I truly like him. Would I want to have to take care of him for the rest of my life...I don't think so. But I'm just hoping for change that's why I hit him up to try and stick it out. But him not responding now has me scared that hr doesn't want to be with me anymore because I was missing for 4 days
If you were honest about what you said...then it doesn't sound like much of an ultimatum...just you need to think about if his not going to school is a deal breaker for you.
If this bothers him....it's probably a good thing that it's cooling off....because it sounds like you have different goals. He may be a great guy overall....but he just might not be the guy for you.
Thanks for understanding...that's all I'm saying is that I wanted to think about if I would want to stick with him after not going back to school. I guess we'll see what happens.
I think ultimatums in a relationship generally don't end up well. It may force someone to do something once or even twice but the underlying problem/issue remains unresolved; change precipitated under threat rather than by intent to improve the relationship.
In this case, it is a one month relationship. There isn't really much invested by either party..... I don't think you have screwed it up at all. You have incompatibilities. The good news is that you are young and there will be another boyfriend.
Very true via the ultimatums. I won't do that to myself again. People will do what they want to regardless.
Thanks for understanding...that's all I'm saying is that I wanted to think about if I would want to stick with him after not going back to school. I guess we'll see what happens.
You have to understand as well that he may decide that he doesn't like the pressure of being expected to go school...and do his own thinking. If that happens....bow out gracefully. It's only fair.
You can't give people ultimatums, whether you've been with them a month or 10 years. You can give yourSELF an ultimatum, in that if said person doesnt change to suit what you want, you will leave. And why would you want to stay with someone who isnt going back to school? Sounds like a loser to me.
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