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It may be cold ... so what? You are no longer together so what difference does it make?
Exactly my thought.
Why does he need to hold on to the cards any ways? He can burn them, but instead of doing that, he's giving it to you. How is burning it different from just giving it back to you?
He can be the biggest dick for returning cards (which I don't think it is), but what are you going to do about it? Break up with him again?
Gifts are gifts. Returning is gauche and unnecessary, and is often done to make a passive-aggressive statement. It's pretty tacky.
You can always get rid of things you no longer want around...donate, pawn, sell, whatever. Or just throw away, if that's your thing. The only reason to throw gifts back in somebody's face is to make a less than kind statement. The intent is not a neutral one.
There are a few instances where it may be appropriate to give something that was given back, but they're pretty isolated and specific. I know of one case where a fiance's mother, through the son, gave the prospective daughter-in-law heirloom jewelry that had been her mother's, with the thought that it would be worn in the wedding. When the son broke things off with the daughter-in-law to be, she gave the heirlooms back, because who would keep them, and why, if you're not, after all, going to marry into the family?
But that's a thoroughly different context than "Here, take back everything you ever gave me, get it out of my sight." Nah. Those things are yours. If you aren't interested in keeping them, get rid of them. That's on you. Presenting them to the ex really only comes off as petty.
Completely agree, and the example you provided makes sense.
I have his engagement ring though. Should I return it? I didn't return it because I thought it would be hurtful - and knowing the type of guy he is, I KNOW he will trash it, so I thought of keeping it from saving him the heartache... What do you think?
Why does he need to hold on to the cards any ways? He can burn them, but instead of doing that, he's giving it to you. How is burning it different from just giving it back to you?
He can be the biggest dick for returning cards (which I don't think it is), but what are you going to do about it? Break up with him again?
There's nothing I can do about it.
I only posted here to get other people's opinions on what THEY think about returning gifts after a break-up. That's all.
Find a friend who would appreciate the things you gave your break up and move on then.
Did you happen to ask your now ex why he gave the things you gave him, back? That's a good way to find out why he did so....
Nope. We never spoke after that. I just messaged him to say that I would return his gifts as well but I wouldn't want him to go through the pain of seeing items he once bought me with love, and with his hard-earned money, and because they held value. And that was it. We never spoke again.
Completely agree, and the example you provided makes sense.
I have his engagement ring though. Should I return it? I didn't return it because I thought it would be hurtful - and knowing the type of guy he is, I KNOW he will trash it, so I thought of keeping it from saving him the heartache... What do you think?
Why does he need to hold on to the cards any ways? He can burn them, but instead of doing that, he's giving it to you. How is burning it different from just giving it back to you?
He can be the biggest dick for returning cards (which I don't think it is), but what are you going to do about it? Break up with him again?
It doesn't matter.
I just came on here to get people's opinions on what they thought of returning gifts, and whether this was the norm after break-ups.
Good ex-etiquette suggests that if the gifts in question are family heirlooms, jewelry, paintings, antiques etc. passed down for generations through family members, then it is only right to return such things. Family heirlooms should stay with the family bloodline.
I think it's extremely rude to return gifts after breaking-up with someone. What am I going to do with all the male 'things' I gave him, or what would he do with all the female 'things' he got me?
I would never return those things because they were once bought with love, and held value. However, he returned all the GIFTS I got for him during our time together - including things like cards.
I understand if he gave me MY things back - like clothes or something I might have left at his place. But MY GIFTS to him? He could have thrown them in the trash, but isn't returning them intentionally hurting me?
What are your thoughts?
LOL. My husband 'stole' the wedding ring he bought me when we were on a 'break'. Actually he wanted it back. That's why when we are in good terms I told him so this ring is only good when we are together? LOL.
I remember getting into an unholy row with an ex and his family, when I didn't return the engagement ring.
No one to this day believes the truth - id lost it.
Even I still cant believe it - its the only really good piece of jewellery I'd ever had, and to this day the only piece I've ever lost.
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