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She said she was on meds to balance her hormones, that's how. Hormones can seriously affect a person's psychology. Apparently she figured out that the main problem in the relationship was a hormonal imbalance she had, plus the oral contraceptives, which also can dampen a woman's libido. It's too bad she didn't figure this out earlier.
So, yes, it's possible she's changed. However, if you seem happy being single, you should enjoy that. You can date her, but also be single, you know. She said she wanted to take it slowly, so take her at her word (see if she means what she says), and see her occasionally while you're hanging out with your buddies, and socializing with others. Then see if you two "click".
Or....not, if it seems like you two didn't really get along that well anyway (aside from the mismatched libido issue). BTW, "the pill" can also cause women to bloat and gain weight. So if she's off it, it makes sense she's lost weight and is feeling better about herself. So, if you start seeing her, you'd have to decide what form of bc to use, if you decide to get that involved with her.
Less than 2 months isn't really enough time for that much change to happen.
OP, I agree with the other posters, you might as well get out there and explore. Give it another 6 months before reconsidering with your Ex. Everything is still too fresh and you'll likely fall back to the old pattern.
Less than 2 months isn't really enough time for that much change to happen.
Sure it is. A change in hormone dose/balance, and getting off the pill can make a huge difference in sex drive, and to some extent, in personality related to that. And 6-8 weeks is enough to lose 15-20 lbs, which is one clothing size or more, plus the de-bloating effect from going off oral contraceptive. It sounds like she's feeling a lot better in general, and came to realize what a drag on her energy and mood her previous hormone regime was causing. Like a significant before/after effect.
Its not enough time to change to now wanting to go out and drink, want to go hiking, go to the gym, sports, socializing. Those things have nothing to do with hormones. It has to do with who you are. She wasnt, and isnt, those things.
Sure it is. A change in hormone dose/balance, and getting off the pill can make a huge difference in sex drive, and to some extent, in personality related to that. And 6-8 weeks is enough to lose 15-20 lbs, which is one clothing size or more, plus the de-bloating effect from going off oral contraceptive. It sounds like she's feeling a lot better in general, and came to realize what a drag on her energy and mood her previous hormone regime was causing. Like a significant before/after effect.
Hmm, I'm not sure why you're assuming she's off the pill when nothing been said about that. With hormone therapy, it takes awhile to find the right medicine/dosage. 6 weeks isn't really enough time to see the true long term effects.
Not to mention, read the OP, the Exgf is also claiming and promising a personality/lifestyle change:
Quote:
She also claims she's more out going and wants to enjoy life and go out and exercise together, and socialize and drink and feels she could do those things with me. So in theory, this would be amazing and i'm very attracted to this because I've always wanted that side of her, she's very conservative and proper.*
Just a big no. I don't doubt that maybe she feels somewhat better, but all these other changes? I wouldn't believe it all. If she wants to prove these changes are legitimate, she needs more time than just less than 2 months. I think the OP's instincts are serving him well actually, his assessments are right on and I'm willing to bet that point 3 is the reason why she wants to get back together... She doesn't like it and wants to go back in the boring comfort zone.
This has been a huge help. Hard to talk about this with friends (None of them are really relationship guys) and it's a weird subject to bring up with your parents when it deals with sexuality. Thank you everyone, I think I have decided to keep space between us now for at least a few months and then re-access where I'm at afterwards.
OP, you two have a history from 8 years together and that is difficult to replace. You have basically grown up together. I wouldn't be so quick to disregard the importance of what you both have built together. Most relationships end up being very much the same regardless of who you are with. The part though that would haunt me is the fact she said she doesn't find you attractive anymore. That could be difficult for you to stop thinking about.
I think you should explore the situation and give her the time of day.
You say you are happy meeting other women, what would your heart say to you if she was saying she likes meeting other men?
Let's clarify some confusion that has been going on. First off our sex life has been somewhat poor or one sided for quite some time now (Me wanting it all the time her only sometimes). So she went off b.c in january and essentially pretended to be horny for me for 6 months. So I thought things were great. Then she came clear and said she has been faking it this entire time. So I thought okay, kind of a blow, but w/e let's work through this (i.e I suggested she see a doctor in terms of hormone balance and we should start doing physical activity more - she was never really that active). Then she came up with the whole i'm not in love with you anymore and essentially she wanted to distance herself from me to meet other people that she would be attracted too and feel horny for (Because apparently I wasn't doing it). So we separate and now 2 months later (However she has been wanting to get back together for quite some time now not just recently) she is a new woman. She exercises, does yoga and is on hormone medication. She says she thinks she can give so much more to me now and she has silenced those thoughts in her mind and feels she can giver herself more to me now. She also says she wants to be intimate with me again. - just to clarify she has not slept with or done any sexual actions with any other men just been around some, maybe a coffee date or two.
This leaves me with some concerns:
1) I was at a stage in our relationship where unless she went out and banged a bunch of dudes I was willing to work through any problem (i.e poor sex life for a long time still didn't leave her wanted to work through it). So for her to just drop me like i'm worthless makes me somewhat resistant to just take her back again.
2) I highly doubt she's going to become some adventurous girl, she may have loosened up a bit but not to the extent she is saying. Which I don't really care too much I still loved her to pieces beforehand. However, I have a lot of lifetime friends where I see them always being a part of life which I always thought may be a bone of contention when we move in together (Me spending time/money with them)
3) The sex. I don't want to go back to dating someone that essentially doesn't crave me. I mean that feeling you get where you don't care where you are what your doing you just have to have that person, that passion, that lust. But so much more than that, not just some fling like a true deep love where you just want to express it all the time in a physical manner (we were emotionally very close). This would be the big one. As perfect as she was this is where I believe we don't match and I don't want to be disappointed again even though she says she has changed.
Recap: off b.c since for 8 months now, on some sort of hormone balance pills that has apparently made her more horny for me? Even though when she went off b.c she was on some organic hormone balance you can buy at a supplement store, so maybe prescription ones are working a lot better?
And to answer your question, if I found out she was dating other men.....it would hurt but I would take comfort in knowing she's happy.
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