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I don't think the issue is with her having a girls night out once in a blue moon, but rather her lying about having to stay late at work while planning and doing something different.
It didn't say she LIED. It sounded like she worked, and then she and her co-worker went out afterward.
In this case, I am more inclined to believe in a communication problem than an infidelity problem.
So this morning my coworker comes in and is in an UGLY mood. He tells me his wife texts him at her normal quitting time and tells him her and her girlfriend have to work late and she will call him on the way home. He thought it odd as she never works late but didn't think much about it.
Three hours go by and he hasn't heard from her so he texts to ask if everything is ok. Yep...leaving in 10 mins. An hour later he gets a text that her and her girlfriend "decided to go shopping and then to a bar for drinks and dinner" an hour away from where they live, and she is sorry she is so late and he should make himself something to eat and she would be home in an hour.
He called her and ask why she just didn't tell him that in the first place and he wouldn't have sat and worried about her and would have eaten before 9pm. She said she told him she would be late and it wasn't planned it just happened and it was no big deal. To say he is pissed is an understatement. He is actually talking about leaving her over this he is so upset. Apparently she pulls something like this every six months or so.
He ask me what I thought he should do and I told him it's hardly worth leaving her over, but he is mad she won't apologize and doesn't think she did anything wrong. If it was me I would be upset too, but not upset enough to leave. It seems kind of childish behavior for a woman in her 40's. I have to wonder if she didn't have a hookup with another guy.
Thoughts on this one??
I am lost - she worked later as usual and then spontaneously decided to go shopping and bar hopping after work? Why is that bad?
Nowhere does it say she lied though. He infers it a little, but doesn't come right out and say she did not work. She told him she was working late. Way later we know she was shopping and getting a drink. Unless the OP can clarify, I took this to mean she stayed late for work, and then went shopping and for a drink (maybe because she knew she would be late anyway, and her friend was stuck late to work too, so they decided to hang out).
She told the dude she was working late, but as he tells it she apparently was already at the bar when she texted him. His problem is that she didn't just tell him she and the girlfriend were going drinking, having a meal and then going shopping (not sure of sequence of events) and he would have been fine with it. Instead, he waited for her to have dinner and never expected her to be out five hours after she normally gets off work.
It didn't say she LIED. It sounded like she worked, and then she and her co-worker went out afterward.
In this case, I am more inclined to believe in a communication problem than an infidelity problem.
I see a lot of spouses begin to lie about this sort of thing because one of the spouses tends to take a controlling attitude over the other, and the other begins to lie to avoid a confrontation.
Not that this guy was controlling, but the fact the story includes he was angry because he had not eaten before 9, waiting for her, when already knew she would be late seems rather selfish to me, then flying off the handle and calling her while she is out to instigate a confrontation over her shopping and grabbing a bite to eat looks like an indicator of being controlling.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bearsdad
She told the dude she was working late, but as he tells it she apparently was already at the bar when she texted him. His problem is that she didn't just tell him she and the girlfriend were going drinking, having a meal and then going shopping (not sure of sequence of events) and he would have been fine with it. Instead, he waited for her to have dinner and never expected her to be out five hours after she normally gets off work.
The lie bothered him more than the act.
Again his meal is in play here. Why didn't he ask her "will you be home for dinner or should I grab something?"
Still feels like an unknown history here is at play, which could center around some prior controlling behavior.
I see a lot of spouses begin to lie about this sort of thing because one of the spouses tends to take a controlling attitude over the other, and the other begins to lie to avoid a confrontation.
Not that this guy was controlling, but the fact the story includes he was angry because he had not eaten before 9, waiting for her, when already knew she would be late seems rather selfish to me, then flying off the handle and calling her while she is out to instigate a confrontation over her shopping and grabbing a bite to eat looks like an indicator of being controlling.
So a woman lies to her husband, and its him who is doing something wrong? So typical. How about honesty to begin with? Women are not children, they are adults and need to take responsibility for their actions.
Is it possible she both stayed at work late AND went out with a friend when she left? Or is it a definite thing that she lied about staying late and instead went out? Just asking, because I've definitely had it happen where a coworker and I decided after a later night at work to stop off for dinner/a drink, since we obviously didn't make it home for dinner due to staying at work.
In general, I don't feel like a partner needs to ask permission to do a happy hour/girl's night/guy's night/go shopping, and I feel like the chosen verbiage of "She 'pulls this' a couple of times a year" might indicate that her socializing on her own time is an issue. If you don't live alone, it's obviously courteous to communicate these plans clearly, obviously, so nobody worries about where you are. It seems like it would be reasonable to say, "Hey, working late, and X and I are going to grab food after. I'll let you know when I'm on my way home." I don't see socializing after work once in a while as a childish thing, in particular, either, but I do think it's rude and inconsiderate to leave a spouse wondering where you are for hours and worrying about you because you didn't communicate clearly.
I would say that a spouse having girls' night a couple of times a year is hardly a red flag for having an affair, though (it would be the slowest progressing affair on earth were that the case), and if there is actual paranoia about infidelity, I'm guessing there's a lot more going on than is indicated in the information given.
So a woman lies to her husband, and its him who is doing something wrong? So typical. How about honesty to begin with? Women are not children, they are adults and need to take responsibility for their actions.
Because there are lots of sickos out there who would call their spouse every 15 minutes and tell her to come home and ruin the shopping/bar evening she wants to have every once in a while.
Why are you keeping tabs on your coworker's wife again?
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