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So someone looks at virginity as deal breaker. Fine. Here is the question. Why should I have sex for the benefit of someone else 's approval? Why be with someone who looks at virginity until marriage as a deal breaker?
Hmmm I think it would be obvious if the guy was still a virgin, no matter how much he tried to fake it, especially if he was with a woman that was fairly experienced herself.
Sure, but as a male virgin, you goal should be to get this monkey off your back asap.
It doesn't matter if she throw you out the window in mid action. Guess what? He he won't be a virgin anymore!
I still disagree with all of this. I'm very experienced, and I have not an ounce of shame on that score. I've been with men and women who were very experienced, and who were very inexperienced. The ones that stand out the most to me as being incredible lovers, most of them were very inexperienced men. About a quarter of the rather large number of partners I've had, were virgins prior to me. It was something of a hobby in high school. I enjoy blowing my partner's mind, and so I had a great time with these boys. I was kinky even then. It was to the point that prior lovers would bring friends they found out were virgins, to my house, to see if I'd take care of them. Usually, I did, because it was fun and I wanted to.
Obviously I'm not most people...but people who come by significant levels of experience might have a different outlook on the subject. I've known experienced men who liked virgin women, too.
Also, when it comes to men, inexperience does NOT equal lack of skill. You'd be surprised how quickly a man can adjust fire on his technique when he really, really wants to please the woman he's in bed with. If he's perceptive and attentive, which is somewhat likely since he's excited to be there in the first place, and if he doesn't assume it should be just like what he's seen in porn (which is a problem with experienced men, too) then he can be a really great partner. It helps if the more experienced one is comfortable communicating preferences, too.
This.
I've actually heard that some virgin men (and women) had performed so well their first time having sex (or at least "good"), that their partner questioned whether they were really a virgin.
Just because someone is a virgin, doesn't mean they'll be terrible in bed their first time around or so. You could potentially be surprised.
This is what I don't understand. If I'm attracted to someone, they are a good person, and we click, why would I care if they are a virgin? It seems weird to me to write someone off for something so sophomoric.
I'm surprised it isn't more obvious. Because if they are a virgin at 30, or older. There is usually a very good reason. Like they want to remain that way. At least until marriage. That is the absolute hands down number one reason for someone being virginal at 30: they have been indoctrinated by a religious authority to insist on celibacy for themselves and anyone they are involved with, until marriage. One of my ex's met a guy who although not virginal was very religious to the point of insisting on celibacy until such time as they were wed. How presumptuous. He was 50, she was 30. She spent two excruciating years being celibate with him, and when they were finally married he turned out to be a terrible lover. Intelligent, tall, good looking, caring, financially secure, but a selfish, inconsistent and unpracticed lover. She divorced him after some years, much to the consternation of friends and family who only saw the externals of the relationship. A virgin is a gamble. Sometimes you hit the jackpot, more often you lose your shirt. Some of us like to gamble. Some of us don't. Its really that simple.
I'm surprised it isn't more obvious. Because if they are a virgin at 30, or older. There is usually a very good reason. Like they want to remain that way. At least until marriage. That is the absolute hands down number one reason for someone being virginal at 30: they have been indoctrinated by a religious authority to insist on celibacy for themselves and anyone they are involved with, until marriage. One of my ex's met a guy who although not virginal was very religious to the point of insisting on celibacy until such time as they were wed. How presumptuous. He was 50, she was 30. She spent two excruciating years being celibate with him, and when they were finally married he turned out to be a terrible lover. Intelligent, tall, good looking, caring, financially secure, but a selfish, inconsistent and unpracticed lover. She divorced him after some years, much to the consternation of friends and family who only saw the externals of the relationship. A virgin is a gamble. Sometimes you hit the jackpot, more often you lose your shirt. Some of us like to gamble. Some of us don't. Its really that simple.
My three female friends who lost their virginity after age 28 did grow up religious, but they also just didn't have boyfriends until that age so I think finding the right guy was a bigger factor than their religion.
It's always a judgment to turn someone down, for whatever reason. The trouble starts when people start taking "Sorry, but I'm not comfortable with this" or "Sorry, but I don't think we're right for each other" at anything other than face value.
It's a harsh truth that most people hit an age where they start preferring partners with sexual experience. It's also a harsh truth that most people prefer partners who are height-weight proportionate, have a source of income, or, for the under-40 crowd, have a desire to have children.
That's not to say overweight, unemployed, or staunchly kid-free people are unworthy of love and affection, or that they cannot or will not find a partner. It just makes it harder for them.
There are perfectly valid reasons for not wanting to get too involved with someone who has never had sex before, once you hit a certain age or level of experience yourself. I don't think it's really fair for virgins to try to convince non-virgins that their preferences are invalid. You've never had sex, which means you don't know what it's like to be with a virgin, yourself, much less be an experienced person dating a virgin. Those of us who have popped a few cherries in our day know what it's like, and we have every right not to want to pop any more.
Spoken like a true alpha male -- as he wipes cherry juice off his varsity jacket!
Your harsh truths may or may not be truths -- not sure how you could prove them to be truths. And a truth is a truth; whether it's a harsh one or not is debatable. Your opinions and beliefs are valid for you, and they may be true in many cases, but whether or not they are universally true or true for the majority of people -- that's a big stretch to act as if you know the ultimate answer.
I've actually heard that some virgin men (and women) had performed so well their first time having sex (or at least "good"), that their partner questioned whether they were really a virgin.
Just because someone is a virgin, doesn't mean they'll be terrible in bed their first time around or so. You could potentially be surprised.
Sex is like any other activity. It takes time to get up to speed.
Anyone who thinks they are skilled as a novice, is deluding themselves. Imagine thinking you are going to be a skilled basketball player or ballerina when you are first learning the ropes... pretty ridiculous.
I suppose it's similar to when you reach a certain age and have a house, career, and money in the bank and you meet someone your age who is still pursuing a degree and living with their parents. If you're REALLY into them, you might give them a shot- otherwise, you'd probably prefer someone on your level.
Ah, but the scales could tilted out of anyone's favor in certain situations. Even supposedly achieved folks can be made to feel like peasants under the right circumstances, so why be so judgmental and discriminatory? We are all basically the same. We are high-functionin primates. No matter how many bells and whistles a person affixes to their outer shell, that person is basically just a glorified ape who still has one foot firmly planted in the cave.
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