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Apparently the virgin crowd also makes some very erroneous conclusions around this
The virgin crowd? He's one person. I'm sure the virgin crowd is populated by virgins with different views, outlooks, motivations, and reasons for being virgins.
I wonder, if someone can remain a virgin, yet be just as experienced as a non virgin in a relationship? or is the sexual element needed?
No, they can't, and for me, yes, the sexual element is needed, because of what I said upthread.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JasperJade
Which actually begs another point: Sex is a big part of a relationship. A good sex life takes teamwork and communication to work through things like dry spells, hectic schedules, illness, injury, rough patches in the relationship, etc.
If someone has never been through that with someone before, he simply doesn't have the kind of relationship experience I want in a partner. It's why I wouldn't date someone considerably younger than myself again, either, and when I do decide to date again, I'd rather stick with men who have already been married, like I've been. I'm done with thinking, "Yeah, he has no idea what this is like. How could he? He's never been through it." That includes sex.
You are kind of going off the deep end. If, at 40, someone hasn't been able to sustain a single relationship, then there is most likely a reason why. I look around me and I can't think of a single person that I know that hasn't been in at least one relationship by the time they are 40.
Which begs yet another point. In my brief stint of OLD, I saw that some of the sites have slots where people can list their longest relationship. I saw profiles of men in their 40s and even early 50s that indicated they'd never made it to a second year with someone. Nope, not going near those, either. It's just not a good track record, to me. The more years he's had with someone, the more likely I was to take an interest, because it tells me he most likely has the skills to work through problems not only between his partner and himself, but to stay together and be a team when life throws those inevitable curve balls.
We all want things. Humans are very selfish and self-centered by nature so it's not surprising that we place our individual wants and needs front and center in our life, and often act as if our needs and wants are uniquely special and deserve special attention or consideration. But in the real world, we often times have to give and bend a little (sometimes more than just a little); we can't always get or obtain what we want. Holding out for only x,y and z is fine and all, but we don't live in a Utopian world in which all of our wants and desires flow freely into our laps. Most people eventually settle (often times for less than what they optimally want).
No, I don't have to "bend" a little to accommodate a virgin. The older one gets, the more rare virgins are, the more discussions like this become more theoretical than applicable.
The other thread about 40-year old virgins has me curious about when exactly a person's virginity goes from being "okay" to "not okay". So, if you're of the mindset that virgins become unworthy of your interest/time after they hit a certain age, what age would that be, and why?
Also, just for clarity, by "virgin" I mean p-in-v sex. The person could have had any number of other kinds of sexual experiences. This is how I had interpreted the other thread so I just want to make sure I'm understanding everyone's perspective on this.
And finally, the other thread was specifically about men but I'm interested in hearing about everyone's preferences, so feel free to comment on both sexes.
When? Long before 40, that's for certain.
Being a virgin at 16 or 18 is normal. Even at 20 one wouldn't deviate much from the norm. But as the years pass, it becomes increasingly unusual. Human beings are sexual creatures. Sex is a basic form of human pair-bonding. If someone is 40, or 30-something, or even 25, virginity screams 'dysfunction!'.
Maybe this dysfunction is a severe interpersonal dysfunction. Maybe it's a complete absence of social skills. Maybe it's some weird religiosity. Either way, it's a morass into which I would not wade. I'm married and in my forties, so the question for me is merely theoretical, but the point stands.
Oh, and as for those mythical people in their late twenties who are completely normal and who have just been 'unlucky'? Uh huh... whatever... even if we pretend such normal people who want to have sex and, gol dang it, just have been unlucky for many years on end actually do exist (and I'm not inclined to pretend any such thing) then they can't be be more than 1% of the weirdly old virgins out there. And their supposed 'unluckiness' is their problem, not mine.
Again, sex is normal. People who can't figure out how to have it or refuse to because of some religious hangup are highly likely to be bring all sorts of nonsense and/or problems to a relationship. Virginity at 30 is like living in Mom's basement at 30. Proceed with appropriate caution.
Being a virgin at 16 or 18 is normal. Even at 20 one wouldn't deviate much from the norm. But as the years pass, it becomes increasingly unusual. Human beings are sexual creatures. Sex is a basic form of human pair-bonding. If someone is 40, or 30-something, or even 25, virginity screams 'dysfunction!'.
Maybe this dysfunction is a severe interpersonal dysfunction. Maybe it's a complete absence of social skills. Maybe it's some weird religiosity. Either way, it's a morass into which I would not wade. I'm married and in my forties, so the question for me is merely theoretical, but the point stands.
Oh, and as for those mythical people in their late twenties who are completely normal and who have just been 'unlucky'? Uh huh... whatever... even if we pretend such normal people who want to have sex and, gol dang it, just have been unlucky for many years on end actually do exist (and I'm not inclined to pretend any such thing) then they can't be be more than 1% of the weirdly old virgins out there. And their supposed 'unluckiness' is their problem, not mine.
Again, sex is normal. People who can't figure out how to have it or refuse to because of some religious hangup are highly likely to be bring all sorts of nonsense and/or problems to a relationship. Virginity at 30 is like living in Mom's basement at 30. Proceed with appropriate caution.
Being a virgin at 16 or 18 is normal. Even at 20 one wouldn't deviate much from the norm. But as the years pass, it becomes increasingly unusual. Human beings are sexual creatures. Sex is a basic form of human pair-bonding. If someone is 40, or 30-something, or even 25, virginity screams 'dysfunction!'.
Maybe this dysfunction is a severe interpersonal dysfunction. Maybe it's a complete absence of social skills. Maybe it's some weird religiosity. Either way, it's a morass into which I would not wade. I'm married and in my forties, so the question for me is merely theoretical, but the point stands.
Oh, and as for those mythical people in their late twenties who are completely normal and who have just been 'unlucky'? Uh huh... whatever... even if we pretend such normal people who want to have sex and, gol dang it, just have been unlucky for many years on end actually do exist (and I'm not inclined to pretend any such thing) then they can't be be more than 1% of the weirdly old virgins out there. And their supposed 'unluckiness' is their problem, not mine.
Again, sex is normal. People who can't figure out how to have it or refuse to because of some religious hangup are highly likely to be bring all sorts of nonsense and/or problems to a relationship. Virginity at 30 is like living in Mom's basement at 30. Proceed with appropriate caution.
And people say there have been no condescending post here. You should just stick with the philosophy forum.
Being a virgin at 16 or 18 is normal. Even at 20 one wouldn't deviate much from the norm. But as the years pass, it becomes increasingly unusual. Human beings are sexual creatures. Sex is a basic form of human pair-bonding. If someone is 40, or 30-something, or even 25, virginity screams 'dysfunction!'.
Maybe this dysfunction is a severe interpersonal dysfunction. Maybe it's a complete absence of social skills. Maybe it's some weird religiosity. Either way, it's a morass into which I would not wade. I'm married and in my forties, so the question for me is merely theoretical, but the point stands.
Oh, and as for those mythical people in their late twenties who are completely normal and who have just been 'unlucky'? Uh huh... whatever... even if we pretend such normal people who want to have sex and, gol dang it, just have been unlucky for many years on end actually do exist (and I'm not inclined to pretend any such thing) then they can't be be more than 1% of the weirdly old virgins out there. And their supposed 'unluckiness' is their problem, not mine.
Again, sex is normal. People who can't figure out how to have it or refuse to because of some religious hangup are highly likely to be bring all sorts of nonsense and/or problems to a relationship. Virginity at 30 is like living in Mom's basement at 30. Proceed with appropriate caution.
what a complete joke of a post.
plenty of normal non-dysfunctional people are virgins in their mid to late 20's and later..and/or live with their parents. Plenty of older people live with their parents nowadays due to how much it costs to get your own place nowadays. People dont necessarily move out once they turn 18 anymore...and its a good thing as long as u are trying to make something of yourself.
and guess what..there are people that HAVE BEEN unlucky dating. just because you found it easy doesnt mean thats the case for everyone.
I was a 30 something virgin..i guess i am/was dysfunctional in ur crazy eyes..
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