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Tonight my brain got so saturated that I just found myself searching for a forum to share my pained thoughts. I’m 24 years old and I’m in a relationship with a guy for two years now, he asked me to marry him about a year ago and I said yes, we are in a long distance relationship but we meet quite often, every day on the phone and so on. He is very nice and sweet to me, he has his own character and I like how he stands up to me sometimes when I do something wrong, the thing is I always find myself doing wrong things, that he is never aware of, I feel like im living a secret life, never wanting to face what ive been doing since the beginning of this relationship, Ive been going out with a few guys through out the two years, making out with them etc, sometimes when I think about it I feel like the horrible cheater that I’m and it feels like **** but the majority of the time I truly make myself believe that I’m living a second life, like I’m not in a serious relationship with a guy who is waiting for me to be done with uni and marry him. Now when it comes to him I do feel love towards him, appreciate how smart and accomplished and sweet he is. But this sexual attraction isn’t here anymore, lately we’ve been together and I felt like we were married for so long that there is no spark between us and he probably doesn’t know that and doesn’t feel the same way but who knows.
Most of our decisions are made out of fear, sorry most of MY decisions, fear of hurt, embarrassment, responsibility… but most of all fear of the future, so my reflection time is basically divided in two, the time when I’m grateful for the life I have my family, friends and my boyfriend, so other days I just want more, better and as soon as possible.
I’m at lost of words, I know that what I’m doing is wrong and that I need to stop, but is it too late, would I always be unsatisfied with one man for the rest of my life since I cant be faithful to the one person that loves and cherish me the most, I know that this will break him and it will hurt my family too because they love him so much. I really don’t know what to do, im afraid of being miserable either being miserable by myself if I break up with him a few months before our engagement or being miserable with him and ruin us for good. Any comments, advice or insult are welcome ☺
Welcome to the club that started thousands of years ago with the evolution of higher evolved primates: that inherently lack the ability to be monogamous over a sustained period of time and are biologically and psychologically predetermined to cheat at some point when with a primary partner.
I'm guessing you haven't really had a lot of boyfriends. You are young and need more relationship experience before settling down with one guy for good.
Your mistake has been in trying to have a long distance relationship before you have much relationship experience at all.
Best thing for you to do is to break up with him as soon as possible.
Welcome to the club that started thousands of years ago with the evolution of higher evolved primates: that inherently lack the ability to be monogamous over a sustained period of time and are biologically and psychologically predetermined to cheat at some point when with a primary partner.
This is total and complete bull****. If you are not happy with someone, you have the ability to end the relationship and pursue somebody else. That is essentially what makes us different from monkeys.
im afraid of being miserable either being miserable by myself if I break up with him a few months before our engagement or being miserable with him and ruin us for good. Any comments, advice or insult are welcome ☺
You're already miserable. You might as well try living honestly for once.
Trust me, the blow to him and your family won't be as bad as you think.
This is total and complete bull****. If you are not happy with someone, you have the ability to end the relationship and pursue somebody else. That is essentially what makes us different from monkeys.
First, he is not your boyfriend. He is your fiance. There is a difference.
It's time for you to be honest with him to some extent. The honesty part is that you need to tell him immediately that you need to end the engagement. You absolutely DO NOT need to tell him the part about seeing other people over the last two years. That would hurt him further, and is a very selfish move in my opinion. It only serves you.
He deserves to marry a person that loves him as much as he apparently loves you.
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