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I make 130k and after taxes, obama care, ss, etc etc my take home pay is good but its not like I can go out and buy a rental property with a cashiers check. child support enforcement will take 25-33% of a guys net income so even if he makes 120k a year that final take home check starts looking pretty small if you have a mortgage to pay and other payments. He may still be able to make those payments and have a few bucks to put in the bank but if he ever lost his gigs or job he would loose everthing over night, that is the definition of living hand to mouth, you loose it all the moment you dont get your next check. I would bet money that the car he bought his gf is on payments with a low down payment.
He could try to liquidate the house (if there is one) assuming he is not upside down and rent a small apartment in the ghetto so that he can put more away. If he has student loans he has to pay those no matter what, thats another payment that comes right off the top.
If I suddenly lost 25-33% of my net income it would cause some hard ship for me thats for sure. Most guys in that sitaution never get ahead and because those payments have to go on until kids are not really kids anymore and should be working it exasperbates the issue, 14-18 is not a child. A human should be working at 14-16 but thats not our society.
Its not like a guy can just start saving for retirement at 40-50 years old and actually .... retire.
IF he gets so far behind they will also suspend his passport because people were trying to get out of the country in the past to avoid the child support.
Living hand to mouth does not mean you are living in poverty, it means you will be living in poverty in very short order if anything happens to your income.
None of this matters. Once you choose to have a child, the child needs to be supported. I also do not have the disposable income that I had prior to becoming a parent. This is the reality of having kids.
Men are complicated. Though you can't blame them for everything. You have to look at your own actions aswell. If he suddenly change, it can be because of you. It can become a downwards spiral. So think about how you act aswell.
Oh yeah blame me, as if I have super powers that can turn someone else violent and crazy.
Then you are not the independent woman that you claim to be.
Oh I am i dependent but my finances only stretch so much. And frankly he also has a responsibility to help support the child. Why should I be the only one making sacrifices?
I don't like kids' social activities much either. I only have two in school right now, and between a full-time job, their homework, grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, housework, taking them places (doctor's appointment for one at 3:30 today, driving the other and her friend to the football game at 6:30), and the gym twice a week, I have precious little time for a social life. Next week I'm baking for Homecoming and volunteering at the other's school again. My daughter's after-school activities start soon, and I'll have even less time. My husband is not in school now, so he takes some of the burden, but weekdays during the school year are busy.
Same here. I'm a single mom of a 4 year old--between his activities(soccer, and over the summer it was baseball), how involved his school(pre-k-8th grade) wants me to be as a parent, grad school, work, working out(I work out 5 days out of the week), homework, and the fact that I have ADHD and often lose things and am constantly trying to get organized I have VERY little time to myself. Still, I go out perhaps once or twice a month with others(friends) and do the kid-social based thing a couple of times a month. I hate it as well. My son's bday party is tomorrow and I get to play host to 16 kids(not going to be fun by a longshot) for example. I don't have time to focus on dating, let alone having a super social life. I get why the OP really wants a man, it's difficult being a single parent and we're human too and yearn for relationships, and love. But I guess the difference between me and the OP is that perhaps I'm too busy to focus on finding a man? Or perhaps I was raised to not feel the "need" to have a man to the point where it's so much of a focus in my life? I've never been one to "look" for guys or to "search" for a good man. But when I've been open to dating and wanted to date, I've never had a problem getting a man that meets the criteria that I want at the time. I've always believed that you should know what you want in your mind, know what you aren't willing to accept, be receptive and open to the possibility of meeting someone, and put yourself in more situations where there are more possibilities to meet other people(men, friends, etc) but that's the extent of what I do when I want to date. I let the chips fall where they may and let the universe work for me and what happens happens. But eventually something always happens.
I've never believed in actively searching or in making it a huge priority in my life to the point where I'm on OLD going on several dates or going places looking to meet someone. I don't know what that's like, but it seems very frustrating and disappointing especially for someone like the OP who seems to really be focused on this. I don't want to say that she should focus on just her kids until high school because clearly she wants a relationship and I don't see anything wrong with that, but I do think that at the very least she should stop focusing so much on men and relationships to the extent that she is and place some of the focus on herself and her children. The saying, "be the person you want to find" is really something the OP should consider. Again I'm not the OP so I don't know what her motivations are in her life(what brings her passion, makes her happy, or what her goals are) but for me life is about continuously evolving as a person. Continuing to improve yourself when you can. Continuing to reach goals, and milestones, and learn lessons and become a better human being as time goes on. This doesn't happen for everyone obviously but this is always something in the back of my mind. I'm constantly seeking ways to improve myself and my life and my financial/career status. The more I evolve in these areas, I've noticed the more my options and the men that take interest in me tend to evolve. It's small things--like changing the way I dress(improving it for instance), working out harder or with different goals, going to school, putting myself in different social situations that I would never put myself in in the past, being more accountable for the things I say I will do by actually sticking through and doing them, etc.
I don't think the OP is complacent but I do think that perhaps the best thing she can do for herself is work on becoming the person she wants to attract. She wants a good guy(whatever that means) ask herself if she has the qualities of the men that she would want? Ask herself what she would bring to the table that would make her catch. And then what I think is really evident is that the OP is clearly unhappy and lonely. that's a turn off to anyone. As difficult as it may be, she needs to learn how to be happy in her own skin, single parent or not, and find ways to extend her social life so that she feels more fulfilled as a person. Doing those things will make her more attractive, and make her less likely to cling to unhappy relationships.
This is all just my opinion--I am a single parent too. I'm different from the OP obviously but I understand WHY she wants to date and not wait, I just think that she needs to work on some things first. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again. It's clear that the OP continues to get herself in the same situations, so perhaps it's time to CHANGE and that starts by working on her beliefs and changing those.
White, hair and eye color does not matter, not fat/obese. His paycheck amount does not matter.
See this is more of a determining factor that most.
You should write your ad as specific as possible, this way you eliminate a lot of men. If a good Asian/Hispanic/black man messages you, they are denied, so maybe you're a getting messages from men but just not the white man?
Your headline should say:
Looking for a good white man. Others need not apply.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Asgardian
See this is more of a determining factor that most.
You should write your ad as specific as possible, this way you eliminate a lot of men. If a good Asian/Hispanic/black man messages you, they are denied, so maybe you're a getting messages from men but just not the white man?
Your headline should say:
Looking for a good white man. Others need not apply.
I cannot afford to support everything on my income right now.
Quote:
I own two houses (in a really expensive area!), drive a really nice car, work for a good company making an ok salary for my education, and bet my bank account has more cash then 80% of the people on this board.
Interesting. Perhaps you need to consult a financial advisor.
I would never, in a million years, take money from someone who tried to murder me, no matter how much I needed it.
I don't believe we are getting a 100% accurate and honest story here.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
I don't believe we are getting a 100% accurate and honest story here.
Understatement of the year.
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