Friendzone is a misnomer (single, feeling, looking, relations)
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When he says, I'd be willing to interact with you if I were getting sex out of it, but not as a friend, he is saying "your only value to me is sex, why would I even talk to you otherwise?" That, dear men, is offensive.
How about when a woman only has anything to do with a man whom she knows likes her romantically when she wants something? Is that offensive? No, thought not.
How about when a woman only has anything to do with a man whom she knows likes her romantically when she wants something? Is that offensive? No, thought not.
and the man is just laying there like a innocent fresh prawn in the sun, waiting to be picked up and used by the big mean female?
If a guy says he's not interested in a relationship, then I sleep with him after he told me that hoping he'd change his mind, then YES THAT IS ON ME. It doesn't matter how nice he was. It doesn't matter if he's just trying to play me. He told me and I didn't listen because in my heart I was hoping for more. I took my chances and I lost.
You did listen. You listened to his words. But not his actions. I'd rather know what the score is than take my chances, thank you very much. I don't think it's such a bad idea to put someone's words to the test. If someone says they'll be your friend and they mean it, they'll act like one. If not, you'll know.
Youre acting like someone should pay you compensation or something.
Its called "life".
If you lay down like a doormat and someone walks all over you, WHO is to blame?
You, or them?
Theyre just doing what you do with doormats IYKWIM....male or female, my advice would be the exact same to some female who is lusting after a guy who clearly wants nothing to do with her other than sharing the occasional bong.
We ALL experience rejection and Shiddy behavior.
What we try not to do is react with shiddier behavior, learn our lessons, move on.
But no some want Public Hanging for the female who DARED to friendzone them.
Doormat? No, I don't think the OP is advocating that. Quite the opposite. I like to choose my friends carefully. If a girl that I'm interested in tells me that she just wants to be friends, fair enough, but I'd rather know if she's being sincere or if she's fobbing me off until she needs something from me. I wouldn't call her every minute of every day to see if she wants to hang out, but I would at least expect her to be honest about wanting a friendship. I like true friends, not deadwood and moochers.
How about when a woman only has anything to do with a man whom she knows likes her romantically when she wants something? Is that offensive? No, thought not.
Um, merely because I continue (really, again and again) to try and illustrate that PEOPLE use PEOPLE in various ways, and it generally sucks and we have to try and protect ourselves from that...never have I said it's OK for women to use a man's feelings to take advantage of him.
Actually, that very thing happened to me not long ago.
My (now) ex husband and I, had a previously troubled marriage. An opportunistic moocher of a mutual friend wound up moving in with us. He and I had some flirty stuff start to happen, and we began getting a bit sparky and close just as my ex was increasingly becoming mentally unstable and hard to deal with...the marriage was always going to end, sooner or later, but this friend was the supportive male friend to me who was always there to talk to, etc. And so of course I developed some feels for him that I had no business having. And I knew it. And he knew it. He told me we needed to just be friends, for heaven's sakes he was friends with my (now) ex, too! But he naturally did what he naturally does, which is to exploit my vulnerability and need for someone else to fasten onto, my need for a friend, my need for a crush, my need for whatever that was...he encouraged it, while taking me for probably thousands worth of room, board, food, cigarettes, pot, money, etc etc. I took him to concerts, I did stuff for him. In return, he was supportive to every member of my household through a hard time. But I gave more to him than anyone, and why did I do that? Because of the situation and my misplaced romantic feels for the guy.
I began to get over that, and he sensed that his welcome might get worn out soon, so he went on OK Cupid. Within a week he'd met a woman and started dating her, and within 3 days of meeting her, he'd moved into her apartment. Guess how often I hear from him now??
The last time we spoke and hung out, he had come to the realization that with his pattern of living off of the women he was sleeping with, while feeling no real loving attachment to them but letting them wallow in their "in love-ness" actually makes him a bit of a...
~five-letter-w-word, usually applied to ladies of the evening~
...and he wasn't sure how to feel about that. He gets by on being cute, hey, he uses what he's got.
Guess what?
I realized the whole time what he was about, what his game was, what was happening, that he was using me. I knew what I could actually realistically expect from the situation and what I could not. And I let him do it, because I felt I was getting something (friendship and support, at the time, when I needed it) in the bargain. If there is FAULT, well, I could have put an end to the whole thing any time. I LET myself be used. My judgment might be questionable...but at least I wasn't blind.
And YES, any judgment that applies to men who use women, applies to women who use men. But just as women are SUPPOSED to have some kind of responsibility to at least attempt not to fall for it, men need to show a bit of self-preservation as well.
If you're in a friendship of any kind, and you get to the point where what you get out of it is no longer worth what you put into it, you end that friendship! It's not freaking rocket surgery.
men need to show a bit of self-preservation as well.
If a man desires romance with a woman and she rejects him on that basis, but says she wants friendship instead, it's perfectly reasonable for that man to test her friendship. Too many men get manipulated into being the woman's servant when she needs something or being around only when she's feeling some negative emotion and wants a shoulder to cry on.
It's high time that men started to test these so-called friendships. Enough is enough. Friends do things for each other, they spend time with each other. It's sad when a genuine guy is used in a one-way "friendship", and then he ends up wasting his energy on someone who he would in fact love a true friendship with, only to find out that he's nothing to her.
The irony is that by using men like this, a lot of women are missing out on real friendships with nice men, because they use them in such a despicable way and then, the men become hardened and cynical when they find out what was really going on, and some of them start to treat women badly. What goes around comes around. It hurts everybody and ****s things up for both sexes.
The solution is self preservation. Telling a man that she wants to be friends and then being a user is a common scam. It needs to be dealt with, just like any other scam.
If a woman says let us be friends, she better be prepared to prove it. And men have every right to test women to see if they're being genuine, given that so many get fooled every day of the week. But I guess you have to step outside of yourself and see things form someone else's point of view. Not many do, and that's going to change any day soon.
Can we get a woman's perspective? How do women feel when after a man rejects her, he then tries to keep her around to boost his ego, under the pretense of being friends? (in other words, when he puts her in the friendzone, as opposed to offering real friendship)
How would keeping someone around that he wasn't interested in romantically boost his ego? I really don't get that people feel that they just can't be friends with someone for no other reason that they like them, albeit not in a romantic way???? Are you romantically interested in ALL of your opposite sex friends? If not.. Why are they still your friends? Are you keeping them around to boost your ego?
The fly in the ointment seems to just be because of the " romantic rejection" and hurt feelings because of same. The truth might be that it's your ego that won't allow you to be friends with someone who rejected you romantically, because your feeling were hurt.
Don't want to be friends with them.. Don't , but at least be honest enough to own it rather than lay blame on them.
Doormat? No, I don't think the OP is advocating that. Quite the opposite. I like to choose my friends carefully. If a girl that I'm interested in tells me that she just wants to be friends, fair enough, but I'd rather know if she's being sincere or if she's fobbing me off until she needs something from me. I wouldn't call her every minute of every day to see if she wants to hang out, but I would at least expect her to be honest about wanting a friendship. I like true friends, not deadwood and moochers.
OP, maybe she does want your friendship (some women can do that) in which case its a clear two way street. She has no more responsibility to maintain that friendship than one of your male buddies does. I bet you don't get this mad when a male just uses you for your car, your xbox, borrows cash and forgets to pay you back, whatever.
Its called life. If you don't want to be "used" don't lay yourself down for it.
If a girl is your "friend" she deserves to be treated the same as any other person you call friend, ie catch up to drink beer and grunt at one another about once a week or so, catch rides, bludge cash, eat your food and steal your pets love wear their clothes etc.
Its what friends do. Use each other casually and without agenda, because they know it will be reciprocated if not immediately, then one day. Non sexually.
You're talking about Choosing Your Friends Wisely yet staying Friends-with-judgement-measures-and-conditions with a girl you really want to shag.
Its Not Being Her Friend.
Its Choosing To Stick Around In Case She Makes a Mistake and Sleeps With You.
You can't take your own responsibility out of everything.
Some people WILL use you for their own purposes, that's life. You are going to encounter this all through life.
It is the main purpose we bother to interact with others in the first place.
"WE" desire "something" from "THEM"
the only person that is ever going to put you somewhere you do not want to be is you.
I avoid the friend zone problem by dropping someone the SECOND they reject me. No muss no fuss.
That is how I do it as well.
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