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I'm going to do something that I hate when other people do - I'm going to respond without reading the whole thread.
Here's my take on this - who are you living your life for? Yourself or how others view you? I live my life for myself. My husband and I met when we toured together all over the country with a musical. It was so much fun! We've both done a bunch of national tours - we got to see the country as well as some other countries as well. We used to take trips a lot, go wake boarding, skiing, etc. So - maybe to other people - we weren't a "boring" couple. Now, we have 2 little boys. We don't travel nearly as much - usually just 2 trips a year to see the grandparents. We don't get to do a lot of the things that we used to do. I'm a stay at home mom. I don't perform all over the country any more. So - the OP would probably think that we are now "boring." And that's okay - because I don't feel like my life is boring. Watching my 4 year old jump into a swimming pool by himself for the first time is AMAZING to me! Hearing my baby say his first few words is AMAZING to me! So - maybe someone from the outside looking in might think that my life is boring - but it isn't boring to me. It's just different than it was. And my husband and I still make each other laugh every day. My husband and I still lust after each other. My husband and I love our new life just as much as we loved our old life. And since we are living our lives for ourselves and not for others' perceptions of our lives - we are okay if people think we are boring!
Love this post! Everyone should live their life the way they want.
The only person I'm worried about finding me boring is my husband, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't.
BUT, you can fall into routines and forget to add the spice, whether sexual, conversationally..... all that, so you have to be on your guard against falling into that lull.
I've been guilty of that, so has my husband, but we also guard against it.
Like right now, I had planned a nice mellow evening, good food, wine..... but the reality is my husband is sitting in the middle of kitchen talking into a broken dishwasher.
Life happens.
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agreed...100%
they sound like they have a good thing...
marriage is what BOTH peeps make it...problem is when its only one trying to make it and the other is coasting...happens more than the other
kids add an entirely new dynamic to the mix, especially these days when dual incomes are the norm if you want to eat, have shelter, clothes...my soon to be ex and I NEVER even used the word divorce or even fight until we had kids...NOT the kids fault, OUR fault...lots of contributing factors as well...we were soul mates best friends hot and now we barely tolerate each other...I wouldn't change it for anything as I love my kids and they are my world...but still...sux!!!!!
This really concerns me. I strongly believe kids are not meant for every couple and most of the time you don't find this out until it's too late. I personally would choose to not have children than have it result in running my marriage.
This really concerns me. I strongly believe kids are not meant for every couple and most of the time you don't find this out until it's too late. I personally would choose to not have children than have it result in running my marriage.
My wife and I are probably as equipped to be parents as anyone else.... My wife is a specialist with children with special needs for example. She's been involved with children since the age of 11. There is no one else I have ever known that was groomed to be a mother... a great one at that. We only wanted two kids... we were being realistic. On the other hand, we wanted our children to have a sibling... not to be single child like my wife and I.
Our first kid had an illness... not too bad.. we survived... it was tough. The second round ended up costing us.. twins.. both with the same illness but more severe. As much as we still love all our children, It has been a nightmare. Yes... I personally would choose not to be in this situation and not have the resulting marital problems. However, life is life... it isn't always fair... we don't get to choose. As far as I know, our only mistake was allowing our children to be the priority over our family. We didn't really know any better until it was too late.... but when the norm in your life is waking 3 am in the morning with a vomiting and screaming child... you can't help it.
You don't get to choose whether or not children will result in running (ruining?) a marriage. You simply choose to have kids and hope for the best.
Did marriage make us boring? Hmmm.... We are probably the most boring couple on the block. We don't get to share summer vacation stories, cook interesting meals (illness is strict.. boring.. diet), go out to experience new restaurants, explore our personal interests, throw parties.. About the most interesting thing we do is watch our elder son play soccer. I do grill steaks whenever on sale... share them with neighbors with some wine occasionally.
It wasn't always that way. We used to travel and really focus on each other. It happens when you are in survival mode trying to keep things together. I would surmise that much of what a marriage is or is not is highly dependent on what you put into it. That I agree.. but for some... sh%t happens and simply make the best of it.
Marriage doesn't make you boring, but kids can add an element to your life where you can't do the things you used to. Most of the married couples I know who had kids simply switched priorities.
As a newlywed (married 6 months next Monday) I can tell you that our life and us as people haven't changed since getting married. I'm still nuts. I just dyed my hair pink for the hell of it. We now find ourselves to be more adventurous than before. We go hiking, take drives by picking a place out of a hat, and go out when we can. I think people just get comfortable when they get married, and find their kicks in other ways. This doesn't mean the spark dies or that they stop experimenting or doing crazy things. It just means that as you get older, life takes over and you realize things that used to appeal to you no longer do so.
Marriage is what you put into it. For us it's relatively easy despite the fact we have been tested numerous times with family problems as well as just crap luck. You have to work at it to keep things interesting. It's very easy to become complacent. However we always try to explore whether it's a new place to eat, a new town, a new store, whatever it might be.
I know a guy who is single, 10 years older than me, and he moves around a lot, meeting everyone he can as he goes. He gets involved in MLM schemes to make money and teaches krav maga. While some might say based on his FB posts his life isn't boring, it seems kind of empty to me. Yes he can come and go as he please and do whatever he wants, but not having someone to share it with other than perfect strangers, meh, I'll pass.
Are unique, fascinating, passionate types possibly not cut out for long-term coupling?
That might be true. I hadn't considered it before.
Me and missusjimmy were a lot more fun and spontaneous before marriage. It all just got buried under the weight of family/financial obligations. For example, in my late 20s I would call off sick from work for the flimsiest of excuses. Now I have to think it through carefully, even if I'm actually sick.
My buds from the old neighborhood assure me they are all going through the the same grind, but grabbing what ever entertainment they can when it comes by. Except for our "Live Fast, Die Young" friend, who did exactly that.
I know a couple who didn't let having kids slow them down. They are both in academia, which involves annual travel. They took their kids with them. One year spent in China doing research was an opportunity to raise their first child, who was 2 upon arrival in China, speaking Chinese. The mom built upon that after the oldest was a little older; she'd take her with her sometimes, when going to conferences in China. Eventually, that oldest child chose an internship in China as a college student, and worked collaborations with China into her career. The younger two kids got their turn to go along, as well. The dad is in the Near East a lot, so they traded off taking care of the kids when one or the other of them had to be away for a month.
There's no reason for marriage to turn interesting people into dull, boring, domesticated people. Life is an adventure, even for married people.
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