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That's fine, I understand that age gaps can sometimes provide unique challenges. But saying "ew" suggests that the person is disgusted at the thought of it, I'm guessing based purely on their idea of what a typical 60-year old looks like, not what they might have to offer the 22-year old in terms of love, support and the friendship that comes with a relationship, which is what matters.
Arguably what matters at 22 is a FUTURE.
He is preventing her from finding a young man she can grow old with.
He is preventing her from finding a young man she can grow old with.
He's had his chances, now he's ruining hers.
Oh, come on, now.
Nobody's "preventing" anything. Unless someone is being abducted and chained in a basement against his or her will or something. The girl has to willingly enter into the situation. If she wants to "find a young man she can grow old with" (on the radar of 19-year olds everywhere, I'm sure!), nothing is preventing her from doing exactly that. Just because some old dude shows interest doesn't mean she is forced to take him up on it.
I was talking specifically to the guy who says being with an old guy gives a 22 year old everything a relationship needs.
It doesn't. It reduces her child bearing years for a start.
My niece again - she keeps going back to the older guys. She's 26 next month so its no longer something to grow out of, its future altering. She has little to no social experience with males her own age so the chances of her falling in love and having kids are getting smaller and smaller pretty much by the hour.
She has tried OLD so its not like its her life rule, she's attempted to meet younger at times, but these older guys just keep coming back and looking after her again, so its easier for her to let them.
They don't care, truly - if they did surely they would be encouraging her to go with someone who actually wants children and to age together, not someone who already has some as old or older than her and will have his first heart attack in about 18 months!
But in a more general sense ITA, no ones getting "hurt" as such. Theyre both free adults.
All im trying to say is, theres shades of grey in younger/older relationships that few appreciate. The good/bad thing can go both ways. Its not strictly about older men using younger women or vice versa. Theyre real live relationships, albeit mismatched.
FWIW I used to date a much younger guy, and we had the awkward event of bumping into each other at the beach - she with a man more suited to me, me with a man more suited to her.
If you were her father, would you automatically hate me without knowing anything about my background? I am off base, please call me out
When I was 19, you would not have been given a warm welcome by my father. You would have been given a good talking to, and you would not have liked what you heard. Then again, when I was 19, I was dating my fellow college students. We thought 25 was old!
Moral to this story is if the money keeps flowing the girl can overlook a lot of shortcomings. 19 yr olds aren't as dumb as these older folks are counting on.
Actually, we care more than you might think, but the other way around. It's about exploring her while exploring WITH her, just as being with any new lover is about exploring.
Sometimes you get to be the knowledgeable guide, but at that age they don't really know their own bodies yet so it gets sketchy if you just go for "tried and true". It's not all physicality, it's emotions, knowledge, confidence, security, safety, the ability to let go and feel free.
So it's better to be the same as you would with a new lover of a commensurate age, and take it as it comes, explore, enjoy, communicate, share, laugh, figure out along the way what works and what doesn't, for both of you.
There is NO surefire methodology.
I've been with women who just exploded at my touch, and I've been with women with whom nothing seemed to get on-track. I've been complimented and repeatedly invited back, and I've been given sidelong looks like "WTF was that?!?" Sometimes it's about connection, sometimes people have their own things that set them off or turn them on.
It's a lovely speech, Urban, but at any point, were you twice their age? At 19, I don't think you can get all three Gs in GGG yet. An enthusiastic recipient maybe, but my standards are higher now. Like I said, maybe it's different for men.
Thanks for all your responses. I guess it is hard being a single person in their late 30's in a college town. I am not living here forever but I will be here for at least another year and a half.
Like I said, the options for women my age here are mostly subpar, it is either a woman who has multiple kids and has been through a divorce or two.
The single, childless women I have met here around my age are mostly weird.
OP: First of all why do you care about anyone else's opinion on this? That in itself means that you feel it is wrong. Go with your own feelings and instincts and judgement on this relationship. Ignore the opinions of others. If you are happy and she is happy, no one is getting hurt, all is truly well. God bless you my brother.
OP: First of all why do you care about anyone else's opinion on this? That in itself means that you feel it is wrong. Go with your own feelings and instincts and judgement on this relationship. Ignore the opinions of others. If you are happy and she is happy, no one is getting hurt, all is truly well. God bless you my brother.
Because it is a lot more complicated than it appears to be. I know an older student I used to see around campus all the time, he was older, probably around my age but he looked/acted much younger, I had a few interactions with him and he seemed OK
About 5 months ago, I was browsing our County Jail website and I saw his picture there, he was charged with something like "sexual assault". I am not sure what the circumstances were, but it is very possible that some younger girl he was dating got mad at him for whatever reason and decided to play the rape card.
Imagine if some parents find out their daughter is dating an older man and they don't agree with it, I think some people are capable of pretty much anything, so yes, it is probably not worth it.
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At 19, I don't think you can get all three Gs in GGG yet. An enthusiastic recipient maybe, but my standards are higher now. Like I said, maybe it's different for men.
