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Artsy, there seems to be a common thread in your posts. You are often a victim of mistreatment by others. In your post you don't give us enough information about the conversation. That being said, I can only offer general advice. You can't change the way people act, you can only change the way you react to them.
Is Bi-polar and multiple personality the same thing?
By my understanding, no it isn't. I understand the term multiple personality to refer to schizophrenia, which I think most often involves the person 'hearing voices' that tell them bad or confusing things.
Bi-polar, aka manic depression consists of extreme highs where everything seems possible and people can talk lots and fast, get impossible amounts of work done, have mad ideas flowing thick and fast, sometimes go on shopping sprees, or invite strangers to their home, followed by periods of intense depression.
I don't have direct experience of either condition, but I thought bi-polar disorder didn't phase fast enough to change like that during one conversation.
Maybe if asking the person direct isn't working, the OP could ask other people nearby if they know what he's done wrong (subtley after the conversation) when this happens. I know a few people who just seem to push all the wrong buttons with me and they don't know they're doing it, but other people tend to get it!
Either that or said people are just hypersensitive or a bit melodramatic
Last edited by RH1; 01-29-2008 at 07:39 AM..
Reason: Spotted error after re-reading original post
Well Art, I wouldn't worry too much about these type of people. There is something wrong with them, that much is for certain. If I were you, I would just try to avoid these types, once I saw how they acted. I'm quite sure the entire problem is caused by something thats within them, not by anything you said or did to the person. Just be friendly toward the people who treat you well. You deserve better treatment than you describe!
But I still don't understand why you posted this to make ME look bad! Do you somehow feel like you are above me by doing this. Do you think you will improve YOUR image by attempting to make ME look bad? I havn't done anything to you, and you had better leave me alone. And now, you wan't to criticise my clothes as well!! And then, blame all this on ME, to boot!! Man, I just can't figure this all out!
But like I was saying Art, I know some of these people too. I think we should both just stay away from them! They aren't deserving of our friendships, because we are BETTER people than they are! Stay strong, and take care!
Is Bi-polar and multiple personality the same thing?
I don't believe so - Bipolar is what they used to call manic/depressive disorder. In the manic phase a person will be "up", high-energy, sometimes go on shopping sprees, gambling, not sleeping much, etc.; when in the depressive phase, will be very 'down', low energy, and depressed. Some "cycle" fairly rapidly, others not so rapidly.
Multiple personality disorder is now called "dissociative identity disorder" (I think). It's like the character in "Sybil" - One body with different personalities - may be a female body, but have one "personality" who is male (or vice versa), there can be a child personality, etc. Each personality usually has its own name, mannerisms, voice changes, etc. I had a friend years ago who had been diagnosed with DID - sometimes she stayed "the same" other times, another personality would "come out." There's been a lot of discussion about whether or not DID actually exists......
I am not trying to throw anybody "under the bus" or bring about some sort of argument about how I am not polite enough to people and therefore deserve to be treated poorly (which I don't). And if you do insist on blaming me for their behavior, remember the old saying "Two wrongs don't make a right".
I currently don't have any people in my life as you describe. I had one coworker that was a bit erratic in her moods though. But if anyone were to act like that with me, I would just avoid them in the future.
Possible reasons for their behaviour to you...
1. It could be your fault and you are unknowingly pushing their buttons. Call it a personality clash. The two of you together are a toxic combination.
2. They have some mental health issue like being bi-polar.
3. They are frustrated people, bitter and barely holding it together to be civil on a constant basis. I think this describes my former coworker's behaviour best.
I would say that if someone is lashing out at you on a regular basis for any reason, just avoid their company as much as possible. It's as simple as that. No blame really needs to be assessed. Just steer clear of them. It's quite normal imo to not get along well with everyone we meet.
In the case of 1. and 3., them lashing out at you could be a hint that you should leave them alone. Maybe they are unable to tell you to go away to your face. And even if they later on invite you to do something with them, just politely decline their invitation... and break this very unhealthy cycle of acquaintance.
I said that would be understandble and perfectly normal if somebody got upset if I criticized their new outfit. That is fine. I would get annoyed if somebody just started making judgemental comments about my new outfit. I totally empathize.
I am saying for example: Talkign about everyday stuff. Making my opinions about random stuff, then out of the blue the person makes accusations and lashes out. Then returns to normal.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MainStreet
You do realize that the other person is trying to figure out what "type" of person would criticize their new outfit?
and this two wrongs don't make a right thing....
If there hadn't been a first wrong, there would not have been a second.
You really do need to read or view The Secret.
And if I apply my post to you to the principles of The Secret, my post is a criticism.
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,065 posts, read 4,535,702 times
Reputation: 999
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy
Ok Mainstreet you didn't read the post right.
I said that would be understandable and perfectly normal if somebody got upset if I criticized their new outfit. That is fine. I would get annoyed if somebody just started making judgemental comments about my new outfit. I totally empathize.
I am saying for example: Talkign about everyday stuff. Making my opinions about random stuff, then out of the blue the person makes accusations and lashes out. Then returns to normal.
And if you read further....I admit I misunderstood your OP. I think that post started out by me saying
I'm guilty.
You've since advised me that you have put me on ignore.
I want to remind you that I'm old enough to be your mother, think my advise is sound, and was the victim of workplace bullying about 10 years ago....so if you can't read my sympathy for you via a tough love approach, we must be oil and water.
Between your age and my age, I have graduated from the university of life and with a PHD on relationships and the motives behind people reacting and behaving the way they do.
So I won't patronize you, no cushy hugs here; my approach is to grab you by the shoulders and gently shake you telling you to snap out of it. It's not what people say or do to you, it's your reaction to them that will in the long run cripple you.
I wish everyone joy via their own recognition of what they are most grateful for.
I think it would help if we know more of what is happening in these conversations.
Some people just don't hesitate to express their disbelief about what someone (you) are talking about.
Without knowing any information on exactly what you are taking about, I would say that maybe you are being a bit too sensitive. I can be that way too, and have in the past taken people disagreeing with me as a huge deal. The other person usually does not think their "outburst" to be a big deal and just carries on the conversation as if nothing happened, while I was left thinking I was being yelled at. It just took me not reading too much into it, and realizing that they were just perhaps surprised at what I said, or they just happened to have strong feelings that were contrary to what I believed or had said.
I have come to learn to love to debate, and not take it as an attack.
However, perhaps you are just dealing with nasty people. There is a woman who I work with who I saw in the student cafeteria chatting so kindly and politely with her friend. There was a really long line to check out and all of the sudden, she walked up to one of the students working at one of the food stands and screamed at them to get someone out in front to help check people out immediately. Then she walked back to her friend and just started talking so calmly and sweetly again.
I doubt it is a mental disorder, but perhaps they are socially inept. There is the chance it is you too. I would say if it is one or two people in your life then maybe it is them, however if everyone you encounter reacts to you this way, it is time for some self-reflection.
An older lady friend of mine told me this once: It's easy to see a horse kicking, but not so easy to see the fly that was biting it.
While it's true that many people have trouble controlling their emotions when placed in situations they don't like, it's not true that all of these people have serious mental disorders, or anything that requires a "label". Most people, like the horse in the old lady's saying, don't lash out "for no reason". While their reaction may be "over the top", more likely than not, they did have a fly biting them.
Like easterner said above, if it's one person (and an isolated incident), it may very well be them. But, if it's more than one person, or if the same person does this in your presence repeatedly, it's definitely time to look at how you come off to others.
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They're out to get you I bet!
