Quote:
Originally Posted by beweirdess
"Lose weight so all men will want you" articles (because if you are not size Zero you are not good enough to be wanted).
|
My parents did much the same as yours when it came to scenes or subjects on tv. I mean, kissing, I was 16, I think I know what that is, but nope. Had to turn it off.
Anyway, the part I quoted above is the part I had to work on for almost my entire life, from teen to adulthood...I still struggle with it a bit today.
I was never fat. I was never even close to fat. In fact, I was too thin. Unfortunately, I had mean brothers, and they and their friends would call me fat, call me all kinds of fat names, make me embarrassed to even wear shorts, make me embarrassed to wear anything other than extremely baggy clothes. One of my brothers was too skinny, could never gain weight. Because he was very thin, and we weighed the same, he would tell me I was fat because "girls aren't supposed to weigh as much as boys". It wasn't HIM that was wrong, it was ME, according to him, my other brother, their friends.
I hardly ate any food. We weren't really allowed to eat much food, except the too skinny brother. He got extra money to go get all kinds of junk food for after school.
I was on track, swim team, skiing...and I did well in those. I was active.
I guess the day that it all hit me, after almost half my life thinking I was horrendously disgustingly fat, was when I saw a photo of myself. I was gaunt. My shoulders sloped down, my face was thin, my arms were thin, you could see the bones from the top part of my ribcage, just under the neck area...to which one time some guy in class told me that was gross, and I needed to eat. Uh, but I thought I was fat? Which one is it?
I looked at that picture and could not believe, still can't believe it, that I ever thought I was fat. How the hell I stayed upright each day being that thin, let alone run track, go skiing, swimming...I do know that I was always tired. I was ALWAYS tired. My first class of the day was Economics in my senior year, and I held on to that notebook for a very long time. Every so often, I would flip through my notes, and on every. single. page. was a note I had written on the side for my friend to see while in class:
"I'm so tired. I'm hungry."
Every. Day.
It was really pushed in to my head that I was not worthy because I didn't look right. And for the longest time, I believed it. That can really screw a girl up, and it most certainly does affect any type of relationship.
I'm not stick thin anymore, thankfully, but those thoughts still linger. The "I have to be perfect" thoughts. Still got a ways to go, and I'm no longer in my 20s...I'm going to be so ticked off when I reach old age and look back at myself now knowing I was still thinking that way. But right now...it's not easy not to think it.
Females, girls, women, all they ever get is talk about what they look like. Their hair, their face, their height, their weight, their build, do they have the right clothes, do they have a smile on their face, are their lips wide enough, are they thin, is their nose right, are their teeth right, are their eyes too big, too small, is their forehead too big, too small, are they proportioned right, is their butt right, are their legs right, is their stomach perfectly flat...and when we aren't being judged on that, we are judged on how many boyfriends or relationships we've had. Let's not even start about the "intelligence" thing or "determination" thing and how if you're too smart you're boring, if you're determined you're a B, if you don't laugh and toss your hair after everything some idiot says, you're a pyscho B with man hating problems...
It's a wonder our species continues at all with the way women, girls, females get treated. And then some guys tell us we're wrong for how it makes us feel...so do some other females. I often think that a lot of people have no idea the damage their words do to people. It usually starts out young, before you know yourself, before you have a lot of inner strength, before you grow wise enough to stop giving a rat's backside what some idiots think or say...it starts young, and it DOES affect people. For some, if affects them for a very long time. A good support system is necessary whether it be family or friends, or in extreme cases of severe eating disorders, counseling and help....all because we are told we aren't perfect or good enough the way we are.
It's really pathetic.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
