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Old 09-24-2015, 04:24 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
20,328 posts, read 14,552,431 times
Reputation: 39259

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Quote:
Originally Posted by pittsflyer View Post
The only down side is once guys hit about 50 there is no going back where as women have their late 20s early 30s to look forward too when guys are still fairly horny.

By the time a guy hits 50 there is no more horny time. I would say in reality its early 40's unless you are some kind of sponsored athlete and in incredible shape.

I don't know if early 40's women are happy about that or not.
What? Some of the most prolific and wonderful lovers I've ever had have been men in their late 40's. In fact, I'd say 48, 49...that is perfect. And they weren't in incredible physical shape, either. Just average men with average bodies. Hm. *shrug*

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tia 914 View Post
I'm not really concerned about these types of topics, but will add this: the approach that if someone isn't 'throwing it around everywhere' it must be about 'shame' is manipulation.
There are other reasons women 'choose to not' live like tramps, and/or do not raise daughters to be promiscuous.
As one example, there's a huge difference between 'shame' and 'self-respect.'
OK, this is a hard one for me to speak to but I'm gonna try.

If a man pursues a woman for sex, he is trying to inflict something bad on her, and if she goes for it, then she's a sucker who fell for a trick. Men are supposed to seek it, hunt it, want it, enjoy it, and brag about it. Women are supposed to hold it out there like bait to get love from a man, and only let him have it when he's committed.

If you are looking at it from the biological imperative and breeding babies angle, that makes sense. But...

How much sex in America goes on for babymaking, compared to what goes on just for enjoyment, bonding, what have you? If a woman has really good precautions in place that she uses correctly and are very effective to prevent pregnancy, then she is only risking disease, and men are taking the exact same risk there more or less, so I think we can call that consideration a bit irrelevant when comparing the two.

So why is it, that a woman consenting to sex is like giving this precious gift, and a man having sex is like him scoring a point, winning something, getting one over on a mark, or whatever? It's like he has no gift to give. He cannot be viewed as something special just for his contribution to a sexual experience, it's all "lucky him, she gave it up." I actually find that a smidge insulting to at least some of the men I've known, because I considered sex with them to be a pretty precious and valuable thing. No commitment required, just let's do that again sometime, huh?

So with that said, women who enjoy and pursue sex for its own sake, I don't see the issue. I can be very forward and pretty sexually aggressive myself. But not only do I reserve the right to be very selective, I prefer men who won't just have sex with any willing female, either. Selective partners. Not necessarily holding out for a "10" but with criteria (usually of the intellectual variety) of their own. Sleeping with an ugly person isn't gross. Sleeping with a stupid person though...*cringe*...

Actually if I think of the kind of woman (or person) that I would shame, it has nothing to do with their actual sexual habits at all. It has to do with what they present to the world. If I see a human being and everything about them screams, "My brain does not matter, my body is all important. I have no character to show you. Look at my perfect bosoms, are they not the finest specimen of perfect breeding-fertility signals you could want. Admire my muscles, do I not look like a fine example of perfect humanity." It's those people who take conformity to an ideal of physical perfection to an extreme. Whose entire self image revolves around being "sexy"...those I cannot stand. I want color, creativity, passion, and smarts, and I can't respect someone who shoves all that aside and thinks it's better to just be "hot." I'd rather be with a nerdy gal who has had 100 partners than a chick from a "Girls Gone Wild" commercial who claims to be a virgin (even if she is!)

So for me...shaming sexuality has a wee little bit of validity, but it's MUCH more of a image/priority thing, and not about enjoyment of sex. Oh, and I feel similarly disgusted by dumb boys who try to attract me with pics of their abs (or worse) online, when I was doing the online thing.

 
Old 09-24-2015, 04:28 PM
 
9,001 posts, read 10,155,471 times
Reputation: 14526
Gosh ......almost like CD needs an all sex,
all the time forum for all the people
out there who need to constantly talk
about their sexual opinions & orientations......
And I bet I know who the main regular
posters would be

Redundant.
 
Old 09-24-2015, 04:42 PM
 
Location: New Yawk
9,196 posts, read 7,209,082 times
Reputation: 15314
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tia 914 View Post
I'm not really concerned about these types of topics, but will add this: the approach that if someone isn't 'throwing it around everywhere' it must be about 'shame' is manipulation.
There are other reasons women 'choose to not' live like tramps, and/or do not raise daughters to be promiscuous.
As one example, there's a huge difference between 'shame' and 'self-respect.'
The thing is though, in certain circles girls are raised to think that any sex outside of marriage is the equivalent of living like a tramp; no distinction is made between 1 partner or a dozen. There's a whole spectrum between abstinence and promiscuity, all of which are perfectly acceptable, but both extremes can perpetuate the practice of a woman giving up autonomy over her own body; it's no longer about making her own choices, but about making choices based on how others will judge her. That's where the shame factor comes in.

Last edited by Ginge McFantaPants; 09-24-2015 at 05:39 PM..
 
Old 09-24-2015, 04:45 PM
 
7,654 posts, read 5,092,417 times
Reputation: 5036
The nice thing would be you get to control when you take the pill, it would be like being a young woman and when women are now like young men lol.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms.Mathlete View Post
Quite a few of the Mr's friends who are 45+ take it without incident. It's important to keep in mind that the manufacture is required to list every adverse event reported, even those that aren't even tangentially related to the product. Like any other medication you have to weight the risks against the benefits; many decide that the statistically small risk of side effects pale in comparison to not being able to have sex.
 
Old 09-24-2015, 05:15 PM
 
4,043 posts, read 3,755,727 times
Reputation: 4103
I wouldn't hate on men for seeing women this way. Women are equally harsh if not harsher when it comes to judging other women. They feel they're in competition with other women and will get catty. I watched a comedian (I think it was Dave Chapelle) say something about Monica Lewinsky and how he felt bad for her and he asked if the women in the audience felt bad for her and they all booed her. Then he said "yalls just jealous".
 
Old 09-24-2015, 06:12 PM
 
Location: New Yawk
9,196 posts, read 7,209,082 times
Reputation: 15314
To whomever left me the nasty-gram: Nah, I just happen to have a disdain for the purity culture and how it places a disproportionately high burden on females. But, thanks for the rep anyway.
 
Old 09-24-2015, 06:14 PM
 
7,654 posts, read 5,092,417 times
Reputation: 5036
I always thought the burden in that situation was placed equally on both male and female. I have never been to a church service in the past that said men could go sleep around and it was all good but women had to be good.

Perhaps you are thinking about cults.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms.Mathlete View Post
To whomever left me the nasty-gram: Nah, I just happen to have a disdain for the purity culture and how it places a proportionately high burden on females. But, thanks for the rep anyway.
 
Old 09-24-2015, 06:17 PM
 
282 posts, read 218,799 times
Reputation: 233
LOL, OP, tell us how you REALLY feel? LOL. I was laughing while reading this. Like you though, it's the same in our house. I remember our brother fast forwarding those scenes when we were watching R rated betamax (!!! yes I said it, LOL) movie.

I was also raised Catholic. I don't know I was a 40 yr old virgin mainly coz I am deathly scared of AIDS. So damn you Rock Hudson and gay and porn actors dropping dead like flies in the 80s at the HEIGHT of my teenage years!!!!

I also was afraid of getting pregnant. I am married now though and being a virgin for that long didn't affect our sex life now so...
 
Old 09-24-2015, 06:22 PM
 
Location: USA
30,745 posts, read 21,881,415 times
Reputation: 18927
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
I'm just saying that I think it's unfair that her whole life has been defined by this event, and she's likely no more of a tramp than the average woman out there. Just my opinion.
And Bill's is not.
 
Old 09-25-2015, 01:45 AM
 
3,728 posts, read 4,862,016 times
Reputation: 2293
Quote:
Originally Posted by beweirdess View Post
I'm starting this thread to share a few personal and familiar experiences related to how women are raised to think about sex, and to shed some light on why some women are boring or inactive bed, despite being cute and smart and everything else the guys may be looking for. My guess is that more women can relate to this, and I hope those who do will share their views as well. The benefit of this thread is that guys may realize that they are not doing it wrong- it's just that we, women, are sometimes too inhibited. But things can be changed, and for a start that can be done by stopping sl*t-shaming and by raising your daughters without the idea that wanting sex is bad.

I grew up in a traditionally-conservative-religious family in Eastern Europe. When watching a movie, my parents would tell my sister and I to close our eyes when there was a kissing scene; if there was any sex involved, they changed the channel. When I reached puberty my mother told me that all guys are looking for is to sleep with girls, and I should not let any of the guys from school touch me in any way and should not get involved in any conversations that can turn "naughty". I was one of the first girls in my class to wear a bra, and the first day I had to wear it at school I wanted to hide somewhere out of shame. When I had my periods at school the cramps hurt like a mother-f*cker and on the days I forgot to bring pain killers with me I had to man up and suffer through, while sweating, feeling nauseous and getting pale, but i could not excuse myself because I would have had to explain why, and i would have rather died than admit to anyone, especially the male teachers why i was feeling like crap. My mother and grandmother filled my head with stories about girls who allowed guys too closely and then got pregnant, or not, but they had the reputation of whores, and normal girls don't do that. Of course there was brain picking about how pre-marital sex is the worst sin ever. In fact, even after marriage sex was to make babies only, and if you had a horny husband, poor you, you'll have to suck it up and fulfill your wifely duties once in a while. Women in my family would proudly tell each other that no, unlike their dirty pig husbands, sex is not a need for them; instead they have much more angelic interests- tending to children, decorating the house and cooking meals. But once in a while their husbands won't take no for an answer, and then they had to suffer through it. There were examples of women who dressed more provocatively, and some even slept with guys they weren't married to - and oh my god, what sluts! they will never find a husband or true love because who wants a woman like that?! this is of course an extreme example, but it's a real life one.

When I came to the US I thought i was in the land of the free. I bought my first mini skirt here, and i was looking forward to more liberal thinking. Only to find out that to a degree or another women here were similarly oppressed in exploring and embracing their sexuality. Monica Lewinsky gave head- what a wh*re! "Lose weight so all men will want you" articles (because if you are not size Zero you are not good enough to be wanted). The 7 grade nerd slept with a senior football player- ugly sl*t, she's so desperate she'll give it to anyone else, let's line up! I am sure there are more examples like that, and maybe others can contribute.

I am by no means a feminist, but i think being sexual should be a universal right, despite one's gender. Most will agree, I guess, but then the same people who agree will turn around and sl*t shame some girl they know; or they raise their daughters with the idea that boys want sex, masturbate and watch porn (but girls don't). Then these daughters turn into the women you date and marry. For some having sex for the first time is such a big deal that they won't leave that guy, even if he turns out to be an a**whole. Some are ashamed to enjoy sex as a natural thing, and when they are with a guy, they get drunk or high, because otherwise they'd be too inhibited to do anything. Others just lay there like a piece of wood, and then their boyfriends/husbands complain.

Each day I challenge myself to not give a rat's a** what anyone thinks and just go for what I like, and from than comes confidence and the freedom to voice enjoyment, and courage to initiate and to explore new things and to say what i like and what i don't. It took me ten years to get here though; i wish i was wild and free when i was twenty- that would have been a lot more fun for myself and for my boyfriend at the time.

Of course parents don't want their daughters to end up hurt, or pregnant when a teenager, or with an STD. In which case these are exactly the topics that should be covered in sex ed: how to have physically and emotionally safe sex, not how sex is bad altogether, especially if you are a girl. Bring on "but the Bible says" arguments, I dare you.
You raise a lot of good points, but I argue that women tend to treat promiscuous women worse than men do. Hell, even women who aren't exactly chaste call women they don't like "s--ts".

But I agree with you more than not. There is way too many hangups about sex and those hangups have a tendency to fester and turn into something really ugly for both sexes.
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