Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Closed Thread Start New Thread
 
Old 01-29-2008, 02:08 PM
 
Location: Moose Jaw, in between the Moose's butt and nose.
5,152 posts, read 8,504,453 times
Reputation: 2038

Advertisements

I wonder about that. I think it is if you take this dictionary definition about discrimination:

Discrimination: the act, practice, or an instance of discriminating categorically rather than individually b: prejudiced or prejudicial outlook, action, or treatment <racial discrimination>.

So when one says I don't want to date anyone of the (fill in the blank) race, which discriminates catergorically as opposed to individually, is that a bigoted action or thought?
A preference for one race is not really a bigoted thought, in my opinion. Again, though a preference, NOT an exclusion towards ones race.
I'm not sure how I feel about the counterpoint that, well, I'm just not attracted to (fill in the blank) people. However, there may have been something negative towards that race in that persons mind to trigger that thought.
It's just my two cents. Curious for answers that stick to just answering the question, does not dating someone of a certain race equal predijuce, bigotry, discrimation in your view?

 
Old 01-29-2008, 02:30 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,764 posts, read 40,065,026 times
Reputation: 18068
One of the many aspects of attraction to a potential mate is the visual aspect. Other aspects would be their personality, culture, educational level, spiritual beliefs and morals which would be important factors if you plan to marry and have children with them.

So aside from perhaps not finding someone of other races sexually attractive, if someone is too different from you in terms of race and what ever goes along with their culture and background, then it might not be a wise dating match. Some people, like myself aren't interested in dating a passing fancy for just a fling. I don't date anyone unless I am somewhat optimistic about our longtime compatibility. Because I grew up in suburbia and went to a good college, when I was younger, I never had any interest in dating someone from the inner city who was happy hanging around on street corners with their buddies. No bad boys like that for me.
 
Old 01-29-2008, 02:38 PM
 
6,304 posts, read 8,986,196 times
Reputation: 8149
Good question. As far as I'm concerned, not dating Latinos, for example, is equivalent to not dating bald men. You're attracted to who you're attracted to.

But, I think that people who say "I will never date ____" are selling themselves short. Whether that blank is filled in with a racial group, or some sort of physical attribute, the end is the same. You're excluding a group wholesale. I'm a firm believer in taking people as individuals, so that's probably where my view on this comes from. I have my own preferences in the men that I date, but I couldn't imagine saying "never" to an entire group.

If someone says that they don't want to/will never date Latinos, is that bigotry? Maybe, according to the definition you gave. But, I think, more important than any label, is the fact that the people who do this close themselves off to an entire group. Who knows what jewels their missing? I feel sad for those people, but not sorry for them. It's a personal choice that just hurts themselves.
 
Old 01-29-2008, 02:39 PM
 
Location: Land of 10000 Lakes + some
2,885 posts, read 1,974,000 times
Reputation: 346
Some young women I know absolutely HAD to date a man of a certain race. As they grew older, they found they changed their minds as they had a preconceived idea. Once they opened their horizons, they actually ended up with a man different from the original race they thought they had been attracted to. Also they were attracted to someone opposite themselves.

To answer your question I would say, the way you put it (emphasizing that) that it is not bigotry, just not worldly.
 
Old 01-29-2008, 02:41 PM
 
Location: Moose Jaw, in between the Moose's butt and nose.
5,152 posts, read 8,504,453 times
Reputation: 2038
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
One of the many aspects of attraction to a potential mate is the visual aspect. Other aspects would be their personality, culture, educational level, spiritual beliefs and morals which would be important factors if you plan to marry and have children with them.

So aside from perhaps not finding someone of other races sexually attractive, if someone is too different from you in terms of race and what ever goes along with their culture and background, then it might not be a wise dating match. Some people, like myself aren't interested in dating a passing fancy for just a fling. I don't date anyone unless I am somewhat optimistic about our longtime compatibility. Because I grew up in suburbia and went to a good college, when I was younger, I never had any interest in dating someone from the inner city who was happy hanging around on street corners with their buddies. No bad boys like that for me.
I assume you're talking about Black people, well, there are proably plenty of black people who would not want to date a black person who is like that (the gang banger type).
Where I get disappointed is when, for example, white folks say they would not want to date someone like say, Oprah, just because she's black.
 
Old 01-29-2008, 02:44 PM
 
6,304 posts, read 8,986,196 times
Reputation: 8149
Quote:
Originally Posted by beenhereandthere View Post
Where I get disappointed is when, for example, white folks say they would not want to date someone like say, Oprah, just because she's black.
Save your disappointment for something more worthwhile.

At the end of the day, they're only hurting themselves with their views.
 
Old 01-29-2008, 02:47 PM
 
Location: southern california
61,289 posts, read 87,195,928 times
Reputation: 55551
dating is a personal choice if and when and with whom. when others begin to tell
me whom i should or should not associate with, i feel violated.

Last edited by Huckleberry3911948; 01-29-2008 at 02:59 PM..
 
Old 01-29-2008, 02:59 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,764 posts, read 40,065,026 times
Reputation: 18068
Quote:
Originally Posted by beenhereandthere View Post
I assume you're talking about Black people, well, there are proably plenty of black people who would not want to date a black person who is like that (the gang banger type).
Where I get disappointed is when, for example, white folks say they would not want to date someone like say, Oprah, just because she's black.
Nope. I'm Chinese. In general, I am picky about who I am willing to date. And it's not like I am a 10 or that appealing. And of the men I have turned down for a date, it's mostly been white men. I've also never been asked out by another Asian guy, and I've not been interested in any of them either. lol

In terms of readjusting who I am willing to date, my boyfriend is on the heavy side and previously I have only dated trim men. So as I got older, I am more relaxed about the exterior package, but I am pickier about the person within. And that includes needing someone who is well educated (for the conversational quality) and who thinks the way I do about life.

I am not interested in producing kids and it's almost too late for me (yay!), but honestly if I wanted make children, my preference would be for daughters that look like me, no lighter and no darker in skin tone. Mini-mes. I don't want any boys to raise. Does that make me both sexist and racist?

But if I adopted a child, the skin tone would mean less to me, but I believe that currently, adoption agencies would prefer that the adopted children go to a home of the same racial and cultural background.
 
Old 01-29-2008, 02:59 PM
 
Location: Marietta, GA
857 posts, read 4,871,597 times
Reputation: 845
Quote:
Originally Posted by beenhereandthere View Post
I assume you're talking about Black people, well, there are proably plenty of black people who would not want to date a black person who is like that (the gang banger type).
Where I get disappointed is when, for example, white folks say they would not want to date someone like say, Oprah, just because she's black.
Wow. I didn't assume that she was talking about blacks. How did you jump to that conclusion? I think that she was saying that as a suburban girl she had more in common with the suburban guys, not the city guys. I can understand that. Frankly, I don't understand how that became all about race in your mind.
 
Old 01-29-2008, 03:01 PM
 
Location: Moose Jaw, in between the Moose's butt and nose.
5,152 posts, read 8,504,453 times
Reputation: 2038
Quote:
Originally Posted by NorthmeetsSouth View Post
Wow. I didn't assume that she was talking about blacks. How did you jump to that conclusion? I think that she was saying that as a suburban girl she had more in common with the suburban guys, not the city guys. I can understand that. Frankly, I don't understand how that became all about race in your mind.

You think I was the only one who would have concluded that?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:26 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top