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Old 08-30-2011, 01:54 PM
 
11,865 posts, read 16,963,504 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Northside904 View Post
when a man takes a woman to be his wife, he is to cut the cord.

if I ever get married, that my responsibility is to my wife, first and foremost.

But I guess I don't consider someone who can do this a mama's boy at heart. Isn't the definition of a mama's boy a guy who can't detach himself?
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Old 08-30-2011, 02:25 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, Texas
782 posts, read 1,106,339 times
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My ex was so tied to his mother that I had to lay down the law that he could only talk to his mother on the phone at work, that when we were having a discussion if he brought his mothers opinion or what his mother would do into the argument the discussion was over. The straw that broke the camels back however, was when he came out of a 14 day COMA and told me not that he loved me or that he was glad to be alive!! but..."to be nice to his mother"!!! He wrote this on a napkin because he was still on a trach!!! I could not believe my eyes...as soon as he was well enough to go back to work I left him and his mother.
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Old 08-30-2011, 04:33 PM
 
Location: Northside Of Jacksonville
3,337 posts, read 7,102,183 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spinx View Post
But I guess I don't consider someone who can do this a mama's boy at heart.Isn't the definition of a mama's boy a guy who can't detach himself?
You answered your own question

Quote:
My ex was so tied to his mother that I had to lay down the law that he could only talk to his mother on the phone at work,
That was your first mistake right there. Never, EVER give a man an ultimatum that it's you or his mother because he will almost always choose his mother, period.
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Old 08-30-2011, 06:55 PM
 
11,865 posts, read 16,963,504 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Northside904 View Post
You answered your own question
But do you really think a guy who is that attached to his mom would simply break away because he gets married?

I think that's the resistance you see in the women posting here saying they run at the first sign. I can't imagine someone that fixed on their mom would be able to make the transition to putting the wife first.
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Old 08-31-2011, 08:05 AM
 
Location: Northside Of Jacksonville
3,337 posts, read 7,102,183 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spinx View Post
But do you really think a guy who is that attached to his mom would simply break away because he gets married?

I think that's the resistance you see in the women posting here saying they run at the first sign. I can't imagine someone that fixed on their mom would be able to make the transition to putting the wife first.
To answer the first question: It depends on the guy. A guy can be close to his mother and still put his wife first. Women have to understand that a guy's mother was there before her and should they divorce, will be there. If a woman can't understand that, it's in his best interest she left. Most men will set the bar for the kind of woman they marry based on their relationship with their mother.
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Old 08-31-2011, 08:36 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
29,675 posts, read 34,190,182 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Northside904 View Post
To answer the first question: It depends on the guy. A guy can be close to his mother and still put his wife first. Women have to understand that a guy's mother was there before her and should they divorce, will be there. If a woman can't understand that, it's in his best interest she left. Most men will set the bar for the kind of woman they marry based on their relationship with their mother.
That's true, but if a guy has the kind of relationship with his mother where she spoiled him, did/does everything for him, called him a little prince, etc., any woman he dates is going to have a hard time living up to the Mom's expectations of who's appropriate for her son, and the son's expectations of the same.

I have a warm, loving relationship with my parents, but I talk to them once a week and they stay out of most of my business. A guy with a meddling mom isn't the most attractive thing in the world.
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Old 08-31-2011, 08:43 AM
 
Location: Northside Of Jacksonville
3,337 posts, read 7,102,183 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
That's true, but if a guy has the kind of relationship with his mother where she spoiled him, did/does everything for him, called him a little prince, etc., any woman he dates is going to have a hard time living up to the Mom's expectations of who's appropriate for her son, and the son's expectations of the same.

I have a warm, loving relationship with my parents, but I talk to them once a week and they stay out of most of my business. A guy with a meddling mom isn't the most attractive thing in the world.
I can agree with this. Moms can definitely be meddling so I understand the resistance from some women.
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Old 08-31-2011, 07:00 PM
 
221 posts, read 482,764 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Northside904 View Post
A woman that CANNOT respect the bond between a man's mom and him doesn't deserve to be in his life, period. I understand that when a man takes a woman to be his wife, he is to cut the cord. His mother was there long before she (the wife or girlfriend) came on the scene so women who make a man choose between her and the mother are being downright ridiculous. These are women that WOULD NOT get the time of day from me. In my case, my grandparents told me that if I ever get married, that my responsibility is to my wife, first and foremost. I can respect that advice.
I'm not trying to be rude or crass or disrespectful (and trust me, I'm trying to be as tactful as I can, while getting my point across), but why is your mother so important to you? I ask this because, as a fully grown adult, you're certainly capable or getting all of your needs met on your own. With that said, why are you holdling onto your mother like that? What benefit could you possibly be getting from her?

It seems a man (or woman) who is that close to his mother, is maintaining the same kind of relationship they had during his childhood (when he was depending on her to get his needs met). During his childhood, that kind of relationship was OK since she was the parent and really was responsible for his well-being. Frankly, this kind of closeness should've naturally tapered off as the kid got older, and gradually replaced with close friendships and eventually close intimate relationships with the opposite sex. But, the close relationships he has with his buddies and significant others are close, but not the same as the kind of relationship he had with his mother when he was a small child. Even if these adult relationships are close, they're still ADULT relationships, which means the man (who is an adult) is still fully responsible for getting his needs met, and does not depend on his friends or his woman to take care of him (and like wise for his friends and woman). It's certainly OK for his friends and woman to HELP him get his needs met as they please, but no one is required or obligated to do anything for anyone since these are all adults who are all responsible for their own life and needs.

So, going back to "Momma." Now, you're an adult. She's (obviously) an adult. In the context of adult relationships, the same standards would apply as with all other adult relationships: She's not responsible for you, you're not responsible for her. But here's the thing: You're an adult. Ideally, you would have left the nest. You're out there in the world. You have great friends. You have a great intimate relationship with a woman. Your career is going well. You have fun, satisfying hobbies. Your life is filled with abundance. So, why do you want to be close to your mother? I mean, you had the childhood with mom taking care of you, you're now an adult. Why is your mother so important to you? It's OK to have a casual relationship with your mother. But, as an independent, responsible adult out there in the world, out of the nest (and probably creating a nest of your own), why is it important to have a close relationship with your mother? I think this is a legitimate concern. You have this bond to your mother because you, for some reason, aren't taking full responsible for your life. You are needy, your mother is the one person who is always willing to take care of all your needs due to her unconditional love, and you're taking advantage of this situation because you are not willing to step up to the plate and take full responsibilities for your needs. Part of being an adult and being completely out of the childhood nest, is utilizing the resources available in this large and ever expanding world (which include friends and romantic partners) to help you get your needs met.

The other part of this is, some mothers don't want to let go (and I think in most cases, it's due to the lack of the father in some way), and want the (adult) kids to stay in the nest. Maybe because she is also needy and isn't willing to get her needs met on her own either. So, I think we've all heard the story: She's controlling, manipulative, possessive, dominating, overbearing, smothering, and so forth. And unfortunately, many males (as evident in many of the posts under this thread) fall prey to this kind of non-sense. But, your mother is an adult. She can take care of herself (afterall, she took care of you as well as herself when you were a kid). Plus, she is not your child (that what you were eons ago, but that's not the case anymore). No, you are only responsible for yourself (that is, until you have kids of your own, in which case, you'll also have to attend to their needs AS WELL), and your mother is responsible for herself. No matter what your mother says or does, don't let her keep you in the nest, don't let her keep you in childhood mode, and don't let her turn you into her little emotional buddy. Whether or not she is this kind of mother, it doesn't matter. It is YOUR responsibility to set boundaries, establish your independence, and not let her run your life. She is not going to make sure you are taking full responsibility for yourself and being an adult since she clearly does not want those things for you, so you have to take the initiative and break the childhood bond on your own. If she gets angry or offended, so be it. You have to do what's best for YOU. Remember, you are only responsible for yourself, not your mother or anyone else for that matter. This may sound cruel or mean, but that's life. People are going to take things all kinds of way, but that's fine, let THEM be responsible for their own feelings and reactions.
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Old 08-31-2011, 07:41 PM
 
221 posts, read 482,764 times
Reputation: 193
To the women who posted here:

Thank you, thank you, thank you very much!!! And I do mean that. We need more women like you to be honest about this whole deal. I think you women are some of the best women around in not tolerating these kind of men. I'll say this clearly and directly: IF A MAN CAN'T STAND ON HIS OWN TWO FEET AND BE A REAL, STRONG, INDEPENDENT, RESPONSIBLE MAN, HE DOESN'T DESERVE A WOMAN, PERIOD! It seems that society seems to glorify these kinds of weak, passive, soft, tender, pleasing, needy, wimpy men who still look up to an answer to mommy. And what's worst...society also feeds us this load of absolute cow crap that these are the kind of men that women are attracted to and fall for. So, it'll really help if women like you (which, beneath it all, would be just about EVERY SINGLE WOMAN on this planet) would speak out against this non-sense, and demand REAL men. You women are doing that by staying away from momma's boys, setting up ultimatums for the mommas boys you women are already with, and leaving these pathetic men in the dust if they don't want to change (and making sure they NEVER return).

So mamma's boys, the proof is in the pudding. You are not going to get (or keep) any woman with that kind of attitude. Women are NOT attracted to momma's boys, period. So, I suggest you get your sh*t together if you ever want to be in a real relationship with a woman.
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Old 08-31-2011, 07:47 PM
 
5,722 posts, read 5,780,494 times
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If momma's boys are so bad...doesn't that mean daddy's girls are too? It's pretty much the same thing isn't it? A lot of the negative things people are saying about momma's boys are totally things that I have seen in daddy's girls.
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