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The first thing I did was delete everything. The messages, pics, social media. I knew that was the right thing to do, but it felt so wrong.
And he never said he didn't love me. He says he does. But I can't believe him because of how miserable I feel. I wasn't totally fine without him, he brought parts of me out I didn't know I had, my sex life with my husband improved, I gained greater insight into who I really am and greater confidence as a result. He really is a fabulous guy, but my stupid genitals got in the way and I became madly attracted to him.
1. Perhaps he loves you and has elected to behave responsibly, withdrawing from the path you took together.
2. An ugly and ill-tasting "OR" is this: Many cannot tell the difference between Love and Need, and they are not the same. That goes for you and for him.
Whatever the reason and whatever the case, this much is true: If you wish to stay with your husband and be faithful henceforth, then you must put the other man aside.
Today it hurts, and tomorrow it hurts, and the day after that, on and on.
One day you wake up and feel sadness, but find yourself at least momentarily preoccupied with other things. Then you recall and it all feels like it crashes down.
Then another day somewhen, and you think on him near the day's end. At that instant you feel a sense of surprise, startled at the fact that until just then you had not thought on him all day. You feel the sadness, but you also feel a sense of puzzling curiosity.
So it goes, gradually less and less as you forget; and having eventually forgotten enough to dull the pain and instead view the experience, you pack it up and put it away.
The world does not end after all.
Perhaps you learn eventually to look on your time with kindness, a retrospective fondness which allows you to appreciate what you were given. Perhaps you figure things out along the way which teach you to hate him, learning yourself through time and experience what pieces were truth and which were pretty lies. Either way, you move on.
That is how you get past it. That is how it was done long before me, and will continue to be done long after you.
Something you have to realize is their is choice in love. You may not control "how" you feel about any one person in particular but you can control How close you become to them.
Without choice, love cannot exist. You have to realize YOUR part in making it so.
You have to let go of it all. Pictures, contacts etc etc etc They are a direct indicator of your own willingness to participate.
If you can't do that you are making your choice to stay involved and further your "love"
Thank you usayit. Really, I needed to hear I'm likely not the only one hurting from this even though he was the one to pull away. It's so hard not to see it as a rejection of me, when in reality he is only rejecting the infidelity, which is extremely brave on his part.
1. Perhaps he loves you and has elected to behave responsibly, withdrawing from the path you took together.
2. An ugly and ill-tasting "OR" is this: Many cannot tell the difference between Love and Need, and they are not the same. That goes for you and for him.
Whatever the reason and whatever the case, this much is true: If you wish to stay with your husband and be faithful henceforth, then you must put the other man aside.
Today it hurts, and tomorrow it hurts, and the day after that, on and on.
One day you wake up and feel sadness, but find yourself at least momentarily preoccupied with other things. Then you recall and it all feels like it crashes down.
Then another day somewhen, and you think on him near the day's end. At that instant you feel a sense of surprise, startled at the fact that until just then you had not thought on him all day. You feel the sadness, but you also feel a sense of puzzling curiosity.
So it goes, gradually less and less as you forget; and having eventually forgotten enough to dull the pain and instead view the experience, you pack it up and put it away.
The world does not end after all.
Perhaps you learn eventually to look on your time with kindness, a retrospective fondness which allows you to appreciate what you were given. Perhaps you figure things out along the way which teach you to hate him, learning yourself through time and experience what pieces were truth and which were pretty lies. Either way, you move on.
That is how you get past it. That is how it was done long before me, and will continue to be done long after you.
Something you have to realize is their is choice in love. You may not control "how" you feel about any one person in particular but you can control How close you become.
Without choice, love cannot exist. You have to realize YOUR part in making it so.
You have to let go of it all. Pictures, contacts etc etc etc They are a direct indicator of your own willingness to participate.
If you can't do that you are making your choice to stay involved and further your "love"
I know you're right. I did immediately delete all of it, but the memories aren't so easily erased.
You know that you're gonna take a beatin with this don't you???
I've gotten a lot of sound compassionate advice already in this thread. The beaters can do their best, I've beaten myself up pretty good already. There's nothing left they can say I haven't already said to myself.
Thank you usayit. Really, I needed to hear I'm likely not the only one hurting from this even though he was the one to pull away. It's so hard not to see it as a rejection of me, when in reality he is only rejecting the infidelity, which is extremely brave on his part.
Feel free to PM me if you want some perspective. Advice and solutions I may not have to offer but I can share my experiences. Sharing seems to help.. which prompted me to start being active here. Knowing that others are going through the same also helps.
Some of my thoughts about what happened to me are captured in this thread (and other threads). Again... all I have to offer is perspective from my own life.
I'm not divorcing, I love my husband. He's handsome, funny, a fabulous father, giving, determined to be sucessful. I never stopped loving my husband.
Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. I've considered cheating only once before, quite recently actually, but I never loved that guy. I was just lonely and feeling sexually neglected.
But this is so different. I actually love this man. And I can't reconcile having love for two men at the same time. It's really tearing me up.
I know you're right. I did immediately delete all of it, but the memories aren't so easily erased.
The feelings and importance of them as they exsist right now will deminish with time away as you dissociate from everything surrounding them....assuming you focus on the life you have with your own instead of the life you "could" have with another or on your own.
It's up to you to choose the life you make for yourself. This includes who we involve our feelings with and make an immediate importance to us.
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