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So, as long as you don't have sex with another person while being married, it is not cheating, right?
It's totally cheating. I know that. Nobody is claiming it isn't. But emotional infidelity is much easier to come back from than physical cheating for many people. Others feel differently. It's an individual's discretion what they will and won't forgive.
No ****, you said it. I never thought at my age, with three kids and 10 years of marriage I'd ever have feelings for anyone else.
I don't know why I thought myself immune, but I am obviously not. However this guy will always be with me, no other man outside my marriage will ever measure up.
This is all in your head, you are idolizing him. He might be a douche, has a tiny dick, sucks in bed, gets mean when he is in the mood, cries every night, is a player, doesn't have the same goals, is generally unpleasant or whatever.
You put him up on a pedestal. That's not fair to your husband.
THis guy has his faults and issues like everybody else, he just did not show them to you while you were flirting. He only SEEMS perfect because you only saw each others best side.
You have to wake up and quit thinking he is the s*h*it or it will take forever to get over him.
No, I never said that. Emotional cheating, yes. But she managed to stop the relationship before it is too late.
She is here asking for some advice, no need to condemn somebody because no one here is a dating or marriage expert. Why judge?
To be completely clear, the other guy was more proactive in backing off and offering friendship with limited contact, but because I love him I knew I couldn't be friends only with him, so I got angry with him, told him to f off and forget about me, then blocked him. I'd be bound to slip up and he doesn't deserve having to keep worrying about my feelings when he needs to focus completely on his wife. So I was mean in hopes it will help him move on from me quickly.
To be completely clear, the other guy was more proactive in backing off, but because I love him I knew I couldn't be friends only with him. I'd be bound to slip up and he doesn't deserve having to keep worrying about my feelings when he needs to focus completely on his wife.
and it is perhaps a clever decision. I still think your problem with your husband is not just sexual incompatibility. Maybe there is something missing.
This is all in your head, you are idolizing him. He might be a douche, has a tiny dick, sucks in bed, gets mean when he is in the mood, cries every night, is a player, doesn't have the same goals, is generally unpleasant or whatever.
You put him up on a pedestal. That's not fair to your husband.
THis guy has his faults and issues like everybody else, he just did not show them to you while you were flirting. He only SEEMS perfect because you only saw each others best side.
You have to wake up and quit thinking he is the s*h*it or it will take forever to get over him.
We shared a lot of faults and mistakes with each other. I accepted every indescretion he shared and he accepted mine. He is far from unblemished but nothing he told me made me love him any less.
and it is perhaps a clever decision. I still think your problem with your husband is not just sexual incompatibility. Maybe there is something missing.
Three kids, a 10 yr marriage.
Things can get stale, the day to day doldrums of things that have to be done, clean the house, look after the kids, etc etc etc .
It's easy to put the other spouse on the backburner, til it becomes a habit of sorts.
I'm not saying it's right.
For all we know her marriage is fine, it just takes work to keep things lively.
You cheated and you want sympathy because you are in pain?
AWW.........
Imagine the pain you and your cheating friend have caused your spouses.
No, I don't want sympathy or pity. I just need to know how to move on. So far I've gotten a lot of great input. Pity or sympathy isn't helpful, honest advice is. I welcome that.
I'm not divorcing, I love my husband. He's handsome, funny, a fabulous father, giving, determined to be successful. I never stopped loving my husband.
Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. I've considered cheating only once before, quite recently actually, but I never loved that guy. I was just lonely and feeling sexually neglected.
But this is so different. I actually love this man. And I can't reconcile having love for two men at the same time. It's really tearing me up.
OP:
Regarding the bolded parts in pink...
So you love your husband, and you do not want to divorce him.
But you also love the other man, who is married and has has made it very clear that he is moving on with his life.
Did you ever discuss with your husband, whom you love and do not want to divorce, regarding the fact that you felt lonely and sexually neglected?
You have a lot to think about.
You are also a mom.
Did you ever think about your children when you chose to have an emotional affair with the other man?
Your children should be higher on your list of priorities than the other man was.
You *general you* will be attracted to other people even when we are married, in a committed relationship or are engaged. What we do with that attraction makes a big difference. If we act on our attraction, it could very well cause further problems. And not only are you and the other man/woman are affected by the affair.
Just because you are attracted to someone does not mean that you have to act on that attraction. Especially if you and the other person or just you are in a committed relationship, engaged or married.
Last edited by snugglegirl05; 10-02-2015 at 03:08 PM..
No, the other man made it very clear he does love me. I want to make sure that is understood.
However that doesn't matter in regards to how we both move forward in our perspective marriages.
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