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OP: I think you should embrace your feelings and explore them rather than try to repress them. You have one life to live, aren't getting younger, have real feelings and thoughts and ignoring them is tearing you up inside.
Why torture yourself? I mean really? Why? Be who you want to be.
I'm not saying ruin your existing relationship and break up your family; I'm saying figure out why you feel incomplete and imperfect right now and how this other person seems to offer something of a remedy. Since you are actually perfect and complete as is, this analysis will serve to help unravel this mystery.
I'm a huge fan of being open and truthful in relationships, including yourself. Once you figure out why you think this guy will somehow satisfy a need of yours that your husband does not; talk to both your husband and this potential partner about your revelations. Then decide your next course of action.
The circular illogically run relationships I see all around me involve unhappy marriages. If you cannot be true to yourself with a person, then why be with them? Typical crap such as "security" isn't going to cut it alone. Your husband or wife being "handsome" or "gorgeous" isn't enough either. Legendary sex isn't enough by itself. You want joy in your life right? Then find it. It's just a perspective change and seven seconds away. If your marriage was built upon a faulty foundation or lies or image which cannot be upheld if you are yourself... then make the moves necessary to end it. Just be honest with yourself and treat others involved with love as you make these moves.
Hubs is at work. Baby is napping. I just fed the twins lunch and they are watching a movie.
And how is staying here, continually discussing this dude, helping you move on?
It's not.
It's way to mentally be with him without being "with" him.
It's a way to perpetuate the feelings you have relied on for the past month.
It's another way to avoid the stuff you don't like about your own life.
The longer you keep coming back here to post about this guy and your pain, the longer it will take you to get over it.
You're right.
But cut me a little slack. It's been less than 48 hours since he said we shouldn't talk so much and I said I couldn't contact him at all. I can't just drop it like it never happened. I'm trying to talk it out. Purge myself if you will. I don't know. In an ideal world we would have never met. I don't know why we did.
And how is staying here, continually discussing this dude, helping you move on?
It's not.
It's way to mentally be with him without being "with" him.
It's a way to perpetuate the feelings you have relied on for the past month.
It's another way to avoid the stuff you don't like about your own life.
The longer you keep coming back here to post about this guy and your pain, the longer it will take you to get over it.
These are excellent points.
Instead of ruminating about him, the focus should shift to how this situation arose in the first place, why it was allowed to happen, how you could get so deeply entangled with a stranger from the internet in a span of 4 weeks,and what lessons can be learned from this to move on and repair your life.
You're right.
But cut me a little slack. It's been less than 48 hours since he said we shouldn't talk so much and I said I couldn't contact him at all. I can't just drop it like it never happened. I'm trying to talk it out. Purge myself if you will. I don't know. In an ideal world we would have never met. I don't know why we did.
There's a fine line between "talking it out" and talking about it in order to perpetuate it.
You KNOW cognitively what you need to do, and that is the ONLY thing that will get you past this.
It doesn't matter why you met or blah blah blah. You can continue to allow the emotionally hurt side of you to drag you back into that mess, or you can let the mentally strong, intelligent side of you take over and get out of it.
You need to STOP doing what you did to get into this place, which is allow your brain to wander where it shouldn't, and start practicing behaviors that are DIFFERENT if you want to feel different.
He's gone. You have a life. Put the phone away. Do something to make your real life better.
You're right.
But cut me a little slack. It's been less than 48 hours since he said we shouldn't talk so much and I said I couldn't contact him at all. I can't just drop it like it never happened. I'm trying to talk it out. Purge myself if you will. I don't know. In an ideal world we would have never met. I don't know why we did.
Yes you can. You, what you have said, have a great husband and father. You got trapped in lala land with this guy. Hes not that great, just on your screen. Move on, delete and thank your lucky stars you have a husband that loves and adores you. And yes, I think you have been emotionally cheating on your husband.
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