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Old 10-02-2015, 02:37 PM
 
Location: los angeles county
1,763 posts, read 2,037,919 times
Reputation: 1877

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bars, dating websites, tinder?
(is there anything else that is stigmatized you'd like to add?)

Rank the stigma, least to most. best to worst


People born in the 70s-80's stigmatized dating websites and tinder.
people born in the 90's or later embraced tinder.


I think none is more stigmatized than the other. But bars are a pretty stupid and costly way to find a date.

As for apps and websites, if you really think it's humiliating, it's due to insecurity, denial, and lack of practicality.
A realist would see how smart and practical it is to be able to easily meet someone outside your local area, expanding your choices, increasing the probability of finding a compatible partner, outweighing the 'embarrassment' of appearing like you 'can't get any'.

More people should use these dating tools,
and the people who end up using them should stop saying they're doing it "as a joke" as if that gives them some kind of dignity.

If anything, dating apps and websites are smart, but selection is limited because people find it beneath themselves to use these tools.
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Old 10-02-2015, 02:48 PM
 
Location: So Cal
51,945 posts, read 52,370,290 times
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Apps like tinder and grinder just seem a little cold and detached, like you're ordering off a menu of sorts, same goes with OLD.

I've never done either one, but just as an outsider looking in and from what I've heard people over the yrs say.

I've read on here that people swear the tinder is great and a legit way to meet people, so what do I know.... I'm just an old Gen Xer.
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Old 10-02-2015, 03:35 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
20,261 posts, read 14,495,305 times
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I stigmatize bars most but that's because I have issues with alcohol. As in, don't like it and don't like being around drunk people. I occasionally go to them for organized social functions, or to shoot pool with a league, something like that. Many of the people I see, especially at the pool halls...they look a bit on the run down and threadbare side, just like the setting I see them in. Not all of them. But enough. There are none there I'd consider dating. I feel sorry for people who need alcohol to loosen their inhibitions enough to interact and have fun. How uptight do you have to be, that you cannot un-uptight and have fun unless you drink? Nah.

I have not tried Tinder, but it does have a rep as a hookup site. Nothing wrong with that, if people are being honest about it. Not really my thing.

I've had good results with OKC. I feel like there is enough space to express yourself fairly well there. Granted, there's a lot of junk to weed through before you find decent interactions... but I did find some good ones, and it was entertaining.
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Old 10-02-2015, 05:16 PM
 
282 posts, read 218,506 times
Reputation: 233
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh come on! View Post
bars, dating websites, tinder?
(is there anything else that is stigmatized you'd like to add?)

Rank the stigma, least to most. best to worst


People born in the 70s-80's stigmatized dating websites and tinder.
people born in the 90's or later embraced tinder.



I think none is more stigmatized than the other. But bars are a pretty stupid and costly way to find a date.

As for apps and websites, if you really think it's humiliating, it's due to insecurity, denial, and lack of practicality.
A realist would see how smart and practical it is to be able to easily meet someone outside your local area, expanding your choices, increasing the probability of finding a compatible partner, outweighing the 'embarrassment' of appearing like you 'can't get any'.

More people should use these dating tools,
and the people who end up using them should stop saying they're doing it "as a joke" as if that gives them some kind of dignity.

If anything, dating apps and websites are smart, but selection is limited because people find it beneath themselves to use these tools.
LOL. Agree with bolded. I stigmatize bar coz well I am not an alcoholic and it just has a rep for anything bad news to me.

I actually stigmatize dating website before coz I fall on your bolded category. I was born in the 70s. I actually avoided it life a plague.

When I finally gave in though it's a welcome surprise to me that I became a serial dater coz of it. Me? An inexperienced anything about relationship or dating? It was a wow moment for me that I actually regret stigmatizing it. I would have been married way earlier and would not have been a former 40 yr old virgin.

I actually was still kind of embarrass to tell people how I met my husband though. But when my aunt ask me recently where we met I tell her point blank - ONLINE! She also asks where we saw our house she liked our house when they visited us recently - I tell her point blank again- ONLINE!

Coz that's the fact. You can find, buy everything and anything and whoever online like for serious. Sign of the times.

As for tinder well my recent search makes me look at it as an STD/AIDS bait. And that whoever are on it are swimming in a cesspool of well, STDs.
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Old 10-03-2015, 03:19 PM
 
Location: los angeles county
1,763 posts, read 2,037,919 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
Apps like tinder and grinder just seem a little cold and detached, like you're ordering off a menu of sorts, .
Quote:
Originally Posted by supergirlygirl View Post
I actually was still kind of embarrass to tell people how I met my husband though. But when my aunt ask me recently where we met I tell her point blank - ONLINE! She also asks where we saw our house she liked our house when they visited us recently - I tell her point blank again- ONLINE!

Coz that's the fact. You can find, buy everything and anything and whoever online like for serious. Sign of the times.

As for tinder well my recent search makes me look at it as an STD/AIDS bait. And that whoever are on it are swimming in a cesspool of well, STDs.

It's funny how people stigmatize OLD/apps by comparing it to online mail order.


Also, people should stop saying they "met online". I wouldn't consider texting/chatting = meeting.
Whether joking or not, it's sad to see girls on tinder say, "we can lie to our friends and parents about how we met. j/k? "
You didn't actually meet until you saw each other in person at the date... in the restaurant, coffee shop, or wherever. You don't even have to lie.

Even non-OLD meetings are uneventful-
"OOooo. Our eyes met at the whole foods market as we were looking at kale, and we talked about making gross kale smoothies"
How romantic.....
yeah, not the kind of thing you're eager to describe either.

Same goes for blind dates set up by friends of friends.

People should be more forward-thinking and stop settling for someone in a small group of friends or co-workers. I think it's sad that some people settle for coworkers out of convenience.

Choices are good for everyone.
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Old 10-03-2015, 03:36 PM
 
Location: So Cal
51,945 posts, read 52,370,290 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oh come on! View Post
It's funny how people stigmatize OLD/apps by comparing it to online mail order.


Also, people should stop saying they "met online". I wouldn't consider texting/chatting = meeting.
Whether joking or not, it's sad to see girls on tinder say, "we can lie to our friends and parents about how we met. j/k? "
You didn't actually meet until you saw each other in person at the date... in the restaurant, coffee shop, or wherever. You don't even have to lie.

Even non-OLD meetings are uneventful-
"OOooo. Our eyes met at the whole foods market as we were looking at kale, and we talked about making gross kale smoothies"
How romantic.....
yeah, not the kind of thing you're eager to describe either.

Same goes for blind dates set up by friends of friends.

People should be more forward-thinking and stop settling for someone in a small group of friends or co-workers. I think it's sad that some people settle for coworkers out of convenience.

Choices are good for everyone.
I agree with the bolded part. However that happens.

I did give a disclaimer that I've never online dated, just saying how it seems from the outside looking in.
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Old 10-03-2015, 04:46 PM
 
5,428 posts, read 4,422,005 times
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Here are my stigma rankings, most stigmatized to least stigmatized.

1. Traditional dating sites like POF, OKC, Match, e-Harmony, etc.
2. Tinder/Hinge/Coffee Meets Bagel
3. Meetup Group Events
4. Bars
5. Meeting someone through your social circle or day-to-day life events
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Old 10-04-2015, 05:30 PM
 
Location: los angeles county
1,763 posts, read 2,037,919 times
Reputation: 1877
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
I did give a disclaimer that I've never online dated, just saying how it seems from the outside looking in.
Yeah I know, and many others think the same way, so they're not willing to give it a try.

The social problem I observe is that people can easily find dates the old fashioned way, but are often not happy with the outcome.

I have a more optimistic view that OLD tools help to speed through unhappy outcomes to finally arrive at a favorable outcome.



Quote:
Originally Posted by RJ312 View Post
Here are my stigma rankings, most stigmatized to least stigmatized.

1. Traditional dating sites like POF, OKC, Match, e-Harmony, etc.
2. Tinder/Hinge/Coffee Meets Bagel
3. Meetup Group Events
4. Bars
5. Meeting someone through your social circle or day-to-day life events


Where do you rank speed dating?

#5. The least stigmatized is the most limiting.
Social circles are cool to hang out with, but many would not consider sleeping or having kids with them.
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Old 10-04-2015, 05:54 PM
 
5,428 posts, read 4,422,005 times
Reputation: 7263
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh come on! View Post
Yeah I know, and many others think the same way, so they're not willing to give it a try.

The social problem I observe is that people can easily find dates the old fashioned way, but are often not happy with the outcome.

I have a more optimistic view that OLD tools help to speed through unhappy outcomes to finally arrive at a favorable outcome.







Where do you rank speed dating?

#5. The least stigmatized is the most limiting.
Social circles are cool to hang out with, but many would not consider sleeping or having kids with them.
Speed dating is probably less stigmatized than online dating sites/apps, but probably more so than Meetup group events/bars.

I would like to have sex with many women in my social circle.
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Old 10-05-2015, 09:23 AM
 
6,304 posts, read 8,984,016 times
Reputation: 8149
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh come on! View Post

Also, people should stop saying they "met online". I wouldn't consider texting/chatting = meeting.
When someone asks me how I met my partner, it seems to me that they're asking how our paths crossed-- which would be online.

Back about 10 years ago, I "met" my previous partner in an online chatroom. Stigma? You betcha. "What, you can't meet someone in person? You have to go online?"

Times have definitely changed, at least from what I've seen.

I've personally always felt that it's prudent to cast a wide net to get what you want in life- a romantic partner included.
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