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I think both women and men disrespect them, especially if they themselves work away from home. My sister is a SAHM. She's a great one, but her family is in dire financial straights. Sometimes they don't have even $20 at the end of a paycheck. Her husband works so many hours it's ridiculous (60+/week). His job is physically exhausting and doesn't pay much, and she really needs a job to supplement their income. However, her younger son is two years old, and day care is really expensive, so she says she needs to stay home with him. I get that. I'm amazed how many two income families still manage day care expenses.
Her husband is in the process of starting his own business, and she says he needs to earn an extra $1500/month at least to pay for their medical insurance when the business gets up and running. That would be very tough with the business in its infancy. I suggested she get a part time job that offers medical benefits to cover their medical expenses and supplement their income, at least after the baby is in school, but it's pretty obvious she doesn't want to work, even though they aren't making it moneywise. I feel sorry for her husband. He's working himself into an early grave. I believe moms who can afford to stay home should. It's a great situation for the family and builds a strong family unit. Who cares about other people's opinions? But if the family can't afford it, both parents should work.
I think you made a good point: I have encountered more contempt for SAHMs from other women than I have from men. I think that trend is exhibited here on CD as well as in my real life. Obviously in that setting I get it from career-oriented women with different values as I and my wife have regarding her being a SAHM. And of course, not all of them have contempt for SAHMs.
Regarding childcare, my wife once looked into it because she thought about getting a part time job to help with little extras, like spending money for vacations, etc or luxury items at home like a nice armchair or whatever. Once she saw how insane childcare costs were that was the end of that. She was pretty realistic about the types of jobs she'd apply for and the expected earnings. She'd pretty much be working to keep our kids in childcare. That's no value added. In fact, it's value lost because there is inherent value in her being the one who is with them on a day-to-day basis. It's not quantifiable, but it's definitely real.
I don't think staying at home is as difficult or stressful as a real job. The SAHM has the comfort of being in ther own home, they are in a sense their own boss and they're in control of how to setup their day. The actual tasks like washing clothes, cleaning, looking after children are not very difficult skillwise. Sure they can be exhausting physically but not difficult skillwise.
I'm not saying SAHM's have it easy and they can just take it easy on the couch watching tv all day.... but it' defenitley easier than a real job.
my wife is a stay at home mother and I think that is the easiest way to bring up children. It makes my life easier as well because she takes care of most in the home duties such as laundry and cooking dinner..... I have also been a stay at home dad for 4yrs while I went to college and the economy was in the dumps. I would choose being a stay at home dad all day over working at any job I have ever had.
I never could understand what is supposed to be so hard about taking care of a child (which gets easier as they get older) and doing the chores around the house. its by far less work than any job I have held. my current job isn't even that hard and ide still choose sitting at home everyday doing house work over working.
Alot of people I know do see being a stay at home mother as just not wanting to work. I think alot of it comes from people that wish they could do it and resent mothers that dont have to work. my wife worked while I was in college, now that i make enough to do the single income thing, she dont need to work. people have a hard time seeing how someone could possibly be contributing when they are not pulling a pay check. I just tell them to mind their own effing business when they say she should be working.
Please tell me what part time jobs offer any kind of medical benefits?
I have both a SAHM, as well as the working outside the home mom.
This is a legit problem.
My life would stand to benefit from a "house girlfriend" or housewife type. Problem is, that without a kid in the picture, I doubt that a stay-at-home girlfriend or wife would have enough errands to fill a 40 hour workweek. However, a good 20 hours could be filled. Plus, in this sort of situation, she could also get to the gym more easily to stay in fantastic shape and be at home when I get home. I'd have a nice, home cooked meal and could relax for a few minutes, and then we could go have sex. It'd be great.
In this theoretical situation I described above, because of the lack of hours, her having a 20 hour a week job would be great to bring in some household income. But since 20 hour a week jobs don't offer medical benefits, I would have to add her to my medical plan, which would increase the deductions off my paycheck. Her take home pay from that 20 hour a week job might barely cover the increased deductions off my pay. Again, since this is theoretical, I haven't looked at hard, actual numbers. But I don't think my assessment is far off. It wouldn't benefit the household that much.
I've been all of the above. Each has their own set of challenges, and you just have to do what works best for your family. Personally, I hated staying home full-time; it wasn't something either of us planned on me doing, but that just what needed to be done at the time. It sucked, and being economically vulnerable on one income in a HCOL area outweighed the perks of me being home.
Last edited by Ginge McFantaPants; 10-10-2015 at 08:28 AM..
20 hour a week part time jobs DON'T offer medical benefits. In the present day and age...many FULL TIME jobs no longer medical benefits. Benefits..in general...have gone the way of "perks". Just an urban legend.
When I had my 3rd child, in 1987, I looked for a part time job. At that point, I was also the spouse of active duty member, and we actually had full benefits.
what I found for part time employment at that time...constituted to $4.10 hour...or there abouts. That didn't even touch daycare for 3 kids. 7 and under. So I continued to be a SAHM, and budget, budget, budget. We also lived on base, and I shopped at the commissary.
When I was a single/divorced working fulltime out of the home mom...2005...I supported my daughter in her first year of college. My take home pay, at that time..was $900.00 a month. For her to even think of a dorm on campus...was $800.00 a month. Not including food.
Alot of people I know do see being a stay at home mother as just not wanting to work. I think alot of it comes from people that wish they could do it and resent mothers that dont have to work. my wife worked while I was in college, now that i make enough to do the single income thing, she dont need to work. people have a hard time seeing how someone could possibly be contributing when they are not pulling a pay check. I just tell them to mind their own effing business when they say she should be working.
I don't disrespect SAHMs. From experience, having absent parents is very damaging to the kid. Some people I know attended boarding school/had career mums and were damaged from the lack of parental care. SAHMs have an important role and I'd hate for kids to be left with a nanny. I will support the SAHM so she doesn't have to work full time. If she does have a part time job it must not interfere with being a mum.
Any man that thinks the majority of SAHM are lazy is a bonafide idiot.
THIS!!! My late mom was a stay at home mom and dad worked. Both successfully raised three children.
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If she does have a part time job it must not interfere with being a mum.
