SAHM - Roles and expectations (how to, single, friend, social)

[aramax666]

Yes, there was resentment, but we worked it out. The issue was that I was asked to help more and more with the house despite my perception that I was already working like a dog.

Say on a given day, I was working late and was exhausted from a week of working long hours, sometimes, my spouse and I would argue over who was to give the baby a bath. I felt I just couldn't step away from work, and being a SAHM she could pick up the slack..

She would be tired too, and so we had troubles.

The solution that worked for us, is that I stopped working those hours. But every once in a while I do. Things like this creep back up.

[Question2015]

Originally Posted by canadiangirl_2015

LOL, so what you're saying is is that he has to work all day, then come home and work the rest of the evening?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

um, isn't this what most women who work do? I find that comment funny. Women who work can also come home and then do stuff around the house and be a parent, but men can't? I think being a sahm is great, if you can, but I have a serious proble with those who never get a break, a night out with friends, a trip away, etc, because they are always expected to be the one doing the work at home.

Not when their husband is a stay at home parent. Lets not be so lazy. If youre a stay at home mom, stop listening to oprah who tells you your annual stay at home pay is worth 250000 a year. Roll up your sleves and take care of your home and your man who is supporting you. Chop chop.

[aramax666]

it was 6-midnight 7 days a week, not 5 ... No I don't have to work as many hours now. I have slowed down. Bought a house. thats kinda what I was working for.

My spouse has also become a lot better with doing groceries. Earlier she would expect me to do a grocery trip when I rolled home. That would **** me off

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by Question2015

Not when their husband is a stay at home parent. Lets not be so lazy. If youre a stay at home mom, stop listening to oprah who tells you your annual stay at home pay is worth 250000 a year. Roll up your sleves and take care of your home and your man who is supporting you. Chop chop.

Yeah, there would be some chopping going on......

[oh-eve]

Originally Posted by aramax666

it was 6-midnight 7 days a week, not 5 ... No I don't have to work as many hours now. I have slowed down. Bought a house. thats kinda what I was working for.

My spouse has also become a lot better with doing groceries. Earlier she would expect me to do a grocery trip when I rolled home. That would **** me off

You shouldn't have to get groceries ever. Or give the baby a bath on weekdays if you are tired. You could do it on the weekends for bonding.

And if you work 6-midnight you shouldn't have to do ANYTHING at home on weekdays and not much on weekends.

Just my 2 Cents.

[aramax666]

I think the issues partly emerged from the realization that I had to work like crazy to support a growing family. I felt I had nothing left after those hours. I have always found time for my child. We are literally two peas in a pod. I would not sacrifice that for anything.

I was just looking to hear from people how they get past these difficult impasses with their spouses. Putting my foot down and saying I won't help, wasn't an option. Well, sometimes it would come to that. But we both struggled through it.

[Mikala43]

It just struck me that the other person's happiness level might also be affected by whether they are an introvert or extrovert.

I'm an introvert (INTJ), so staying home talking to NO ONE for days on end is bliss for me. Really, I only socialize because I think it's important, it's not really something I want to do.

Husband is an INTJ too, but he is in a job that requires a high degree on communication, constantly. So he comes home drained.

[aramax666]

i am an extrovert and my wife is an introvert. but spending time alone with our son has made her crave adult company. I stay home so she can go out . This helps her recoup . Unfortunately , If I am extremely busy, then I can't watch the baby. and that affects her ability to hang out.

[Dewdroplet76]

Originally Posted by aramax666

I think the issues partly emerged from the realization that I had to work like crazy to support a growing family. I felt I had nothing left after those hours. I have always found time for my child. We are literally two peas in a pod. I would not sacrifice that for anything.

I was just looking to hear from people how they get past these difficult impasses with their spouses. Putting my foot down and saying I won't help, wasn't an option. Well, sometimes it would come to that. But we both struggled through it.

How did you have any time for your child if you were working 6am - midnight 7 days a week? When did you even see your child? When did you see your wife?

When I feel overwhelmed, I tell my husband and he helps me. The same for him. Just because one of us is more tired - it doesn't mean that the other one isn't tired, too. There are times when my husband leaves the house around 6am and doesn't get home until after midnight. I take care of everything during those times. And that exhausts me, too, because I don't get any breaks. I've learned to try to schedule a babysitter during those times so that I can go out with a friend or do some cleaning or exercise - or just anything to give myself a break.

[stan4]

Originally Posted by aramax666

But we struggled to get here. Underlying our initial struggles, was the question, who is working harder. At least thats what it would feel like to me. ity.

Anyone who plays the keeping score game will always struggle.